Gamecock's Mind over Money

This weekend Baseball boy's father came to visit us for a few days. Psychologically /Emotionally it was a bit topsy-turvy.

BB's dad has always made me defensive when it comes to the home buying thing. In the past he has dismissed our desire to buy a home by saying that owning a home is a huge responsibility. He acts like he views us as kids who cant function without his help. Maybe he doesnt think this- but I am so sensitive to feeling dependent on a person that my radar for picking up comments like that is razor sharp.

If I didn't actually need his help I would never even include him in the purchasing plan. Just to save myself the irritation of being talked to like a child. But he is the only 'adult' I regularly talk to, whose opinion I respect and I know he has useful information stored in his brain that I need.

As soon as the topic of house buying came up he starts off with a laundry list of things we have to do to 'educate' ourselves before starting to look for a house. Which would be fine- if we had not been preparing to buy a house for the past 3 years and the advice he was giving us such as "School systems are important for resale value" was information that can be heard on HGTV everyday. I was irritated to no end. I took it to mean that he believes we just woke up and said "I think I want to buy a house today".

To hurry up this irritating part of the conversation, I was like, "I know-I know all that." So he then starts up with a list of personal roadblocks for us to consider, "well you need a garage, I would be worried about your jeep."- These comments continued to irritate me- does he think I am going to spend over 20k on a brand new vehicle and then just completely forget to accomodate the vehicle when house hunting? My jeep has actually been a focal point in our house search this whole time. But he just starts in assuming we never thought about this stuff.

Then comes the financial roadblock. "you guys cant afford it. Right now with the economy as it is, you need 25% to put down." To which I was able to reply to him we have almost 40k to use as a down payment. That honestly gave him pause. He was silent- trying to find a point to argue. He came up with nothing.

Then suddenly the whole topic changed course. He started asking ME questions about our plan. He started saying optimistic lines like, "now is a good time to buy a house." And from then on the conversation flowed about how to get us into a house.

Then! Later that night I got the information I knew he had and I was patiently waiting for. He found us a way to add $17,000 extra on our down payment!

He assured me the $7500 tax break is applicable to us, and explained to me how I can pull $10,000 out of my IRA TAX FREE for our 1st home purchase.

Then it was all talk of how "now is the best time to buy a place, we will never get a shot at this again with having the power to negotiate and take advantage of interest rates..." So now he is on board with us 100% and even wanted to meet the realtor with us to look at houses together.

The whole tone changed over the weekend. Before he was treating us like we were about to make a huge mistake and we needed him to babysit us just to protect us from our own ignorance, then suddenly he became so excited that he wants to help us!

I find it frustrating that it was the down payment that changed his mind. We have been saving for 3 years. That means he spent the last 3 years thinking we were foolishly wasting money. While we were saving he was judging us for being broke thinking we were just bad with money.

Yeah -BB was guilty of using his dad's CC sometimes- leading Dad to feel he was supporting us and he was keeping us in a lifestyle unaffordable to us- and that has been a battle keeping BB off that card- but did Dad really think BB was charging fuel and groceries because we were spending our income on stupid stuff?

Did Dad really think this whole time that were just saying we wanted to buy a house and not doing anything about accomplishing the goal?

hmmm...

Ok, I posted on Craigslist saying I found a dog and he needs a new home. I was planning to take him to the shelter today when I just got a call from a young woman saying she is looking for a companion dog for her female dog.
The woman is driving almost an hour to get here and take this dog. However- I am worried because I have heard that dog fighting rings will pick up free dogs to use as 'bait' dogs in dog training. Now I am worried.

How can I scout this woman out to be sure this dog will be going to a safe home?

I was posting mainly to find the owner and posted almost nothing about this dogs tempermant or personality. This woman asked no questions about the dog just asked if he is still available and where do I live.

I just received my IRA statement for the month of September...I lost $19,800. About 9% is gone. I shoulda-woulda-coulda but keep reminding myself that this stock drop is a concern for people close to retirement- I have time to wait for the gain. Or that's what people tell me and I choose to believe them.

I don't have time to blog now- but suddenly some new financial road bumps have come up. Or- not new road bumps- OLD road bumps are back. More about that later though.

Driving to the gym yesterday I found a dog on the side of the road. No collar. Super friendly. He did have a bowl of water and a pile of dry food though- weird. The area we were in was somewhat desolate with marshlands on either side of the road- a common place for dumping furniture, trash ext. I saw a dogs dead body dumped there about a year ago.

He (an unaltered he) jumped in the back of my jeep easily and I took him home. He washed up nicely and plays well with Casey. They actually love each other.

I put up some posters by where I found him in case he belongs to somebody.

Baseball boy was giving lessons when I came home and didn't come home himself for about an hour. He freaked out. He knew I want to keep the dog and he is totally against it. Saying I cant travel on the road with two dogs-he needs to be fixed-what if he is sick...

We did just spend nearly $400 for Casey last month- we don't have the expendable money to do that again right now.

I just feel that we DO still have so much to offer. We live in a good sized house, we DO have money- just that we were planning to use it towards other things- but when you see an animal, or someone who has NOTHING-you feel kind of ashamed for wanting to keep your money for whatever you want it for.

Keeping him is not an option. I cried so hard last night and BB was comforting, but firm. So he spent the night on our screened in back porch. After his exhausting day I hope he slept well. But he just woke me up at dawn trying to dig through the screen- so now I am up. Keeping an eye on him. If he damages the screen BB will be livid.

I promised to take him to the shelter today. Ironically, the same shelter we got Casey from 3 weeks ago. They are a no-kill and BB assures me the dog will get adopted quickly. I am clueless about his breeding but he's a medium hair dog with perky ears and he is very social. Seems like an excellent family dog. I just hope a family comes by soon looking for a dog....

Poor Baseball boy-

One of his very close friends from high school just called to say he will not be attending our destination wedding in GA in 3 weeks because he is broke.

This is not unusual. This has been the mantra that I have been hearing the last few months. The price of gas for planes, hotel rooms, food...it adds up. I understand.

HOWEVER, this guy should be coming. He makes almost 100k a year and lived in his parents basement for years saving while he worked. A few years ago he bought a townhouse for 400k.

And his story continues like every overextended American. He called talking about how he bought the place with no money down, the arm just reset,yada yada.

Poor boy. He drives a BMW. And he cant afford to fly down because he just took his GF to south Florida and lost almost a thousand dollars gambling....

So all those financial things combined with our wedding in a few weeks and all those associated costs...he just cant come.

Now here is the kicker- We sent a Save the Date to him a YEAR AND A HALF ago. And BB has been dating me almost 9 years...so it's not like this wedding was in danger of being canceled. Then we sent him a detailed letter explaining transportation options, hotel options ext. in July. Then he received the invitation last month.

BB was in a close knit high school group of 4 guys...1 canceled because he has arranged to go on vacation with his GF to Disney the same weekend???...and now this. So 2 guys will be there- which seems worse somehow- that the richest guy of the group is bailing here.

And financially this sucks for BB and me. We pre-booked an entire 25 room bed and breakfast for the wedding for the whole weekend to ensure that our guests would all stay in the same place, and it would be cozy and romantic for everyone. Well the inn charges $200-$250 per room a night (plus tax)- but BB and I know none of our friends can afford that- so we told everyone the inn costs $100 a night and we plan to cover the rest of the cost. We paid 12k to the inn anticipating $4400 back (each room generates $200 back minus the bridal party that we are covering in full). Now people are dropping like flies and we are covering the full cost of the empty rooms. 5 empty rooms and counting....

I cant help it. I am ANGRY. I feel like I am stuck paying for this guy because he chose to be irresponsible with money and lives a lavish life. He promised us he was coming- we counted on it and now we're stuck paying...kind of like the Great American Bailout on a personal scale.

And to think that everyone is Sooo excited when they are invited and you cut friends off the invitation list because there is no room...and now I have 1 friend from high school who is not speaking to me because she was not invited, and now we have about 20 people who are not coming!!Grrr...

Wedding planning is not fun anymore

Sorry just had to vent

I went out to lunch with a friend of mine today. We have been friends a few years now. She has said to me on numerous occasions that I can do better than Baseball boy and to think long and hard before really walking down the isle. I don't mind- I know she is looking out for me- actually her reasoning is flattering.

She is truly concerned that we will always be in the poorhouse and my life will never match the potential I have to do better.

It's a bit hard to explain here- but I'm gonna try. Her standard for "I have a successful life" is my version of "I have so much money I am not sure what to do with it all." Lucky for her- she has got great job skills and is used to making over a 100k a year when she is working. So she's not a piner (but I wannnttt itttt!) she just buys it if she wants it. And she dates men who can afford her.

She and I get along real well so she has no problem being honest with me. So last year she sat me down and expressed that she is concerned BB and I will be poor for the rest of our lives. The same questions lots of friends ask me, and I ask myself sometimes; "When is this baseball going to pay off or end? When is a REAL job in your future?" But she always ends this conversation with, "Are you SURE you want to marry this guy?" Not-"what are you guys gonna do?" It's not a 'how-will-you-guys-together-survive?' question. It's a 'you-can-still-get-out now.' question.

Today she was like, "You know your so pretty-why are you settling down now? Don't you want to have a boat, or a big house?...what is it that you like about BB?"

In her heart of hearts, she thinks we are headed for divorce- because BB does not have any potential to provide the lifestyle that I could have with someone else. And I will eventually realize I could be living a much more comfortable life with someone other than BB.

A few times when I talk of buying a house or some big commitment thing- she goes-"Oh Gamecock- don't get a house together-if you guys break up..." And when she talks of us breaking up, I DO get offended. BB and I have never been rocky in our relationship since I have known her. He and I have never gotten into a big fight or anything, and I have nothing to really complain about BB to her except petty things, like "he annoyed me today because he used all the gas in my car." -Plus-she has only met him once! So it's not like she does not like him on a personal level.So when she predicts we will break up I do get offended. But other times when she deeply questions why I am marrying him, I know it's just her being concerned.

She truly does not understand why I choose to be with a poor man when I can have a rich one. I have tried to explain that I'm not concerned about the financial future because right now we live off less than 30k a year-combined. Literally- we have nowhere to go but earn more money. And we are comfortable right now. Sure we don't have everything we want. Sure we do pine for things- but if we can comfortably live off no money now- we will feel like we are rolling in dough when we start really pulling in money.So if money is the #1 cause of breakups- and we have not broken up by now- I think we're good. Plus I look at her and she has a combined household income of over 200k a year (living with her BF) and is equally comfortable in her life as I am in mine. She has dreams of buying things she cant afford too!

My friend does not get that. She has told me she supported my dating when he had potential to make the big leagues- but now she does not get why I stay with him.
She thinks I am settling for a mediocre life when I could have her life.

But I think her concern is more reflective of her. Her easy dismissal of the way BB loves me and the fun life that I get to live because of him makes me wonder what her relationships are like. I wonder if her relationships do not have the level of understanding, caring and happiness that BB and I have- or she would not be so easily dismissing the fact that I have those elements in my life. (After all, finding a guy who truly loves you and cares about you is the hardest guy to find.) I think she thinks she has it all, but actually sacrifices some personal needs for material needs and believes her relationship is the way everyone elses is.

She thinks the way her life is- is the way everyone's life is. (weird sentence right there BTW) And of course life is not like that, so I just brush off her concern as her issue.

I'm not sure why I am bringing it up in this blog. The fact that she is concerned for me is not on my mind- it's more that she does not understand how I am ok living like this. It's more that I am starting to wonder if she thinks I am a loser because not only do I not have the money she does- but I am kind of rejecting the best option I have available to have that kind of money in my life. I have always had her respect- but she does equate money with brains and success...so now that BB clearly isnt going to the majors- I wonder if her outlook of me will change. I know she respects ambition. She has plenty of it. And I don't have it.

You know when you see an attractive girl with a sloppy man and just think "what does she see in him??"- I think that's the way my friend see's my relationship with BB now that he has no major league prospects.

Am I way laid back to dismiss her concern, or am I supposed to make some snarky remark to shut her up?

Last night I got a message from my wedding planner marked "final notice." "Uh-oh, what's this?" I thought. Turns out she has been emailing me for 2 MONTHS to get my final payment for her services and I never got a single email.

I had assumed the final payment was due on the day of the wedding-guess not.

Oddly enough I explained to her I did not get any of the emails and she attached about 4 emails she had sent me that never came through. I had once emailed her with a question and never got a response-she did email me a response that never went through! (And here I had been thinking she was a stinky planner.)

So of course she wants her $500 payment immediately. I have $214 in the bank right now. She wont take CC, but says I can paypal her. Sounds good to me.

I open the invoice- she is charging me an EXTRA $125 in late fees! It was my responsibility to get her payment- so I assumed I have no argueing power and pay it. Then she wants an extra 3% of the total $625 payment for paypal fees! Jeez. Cant I catch a break? I was already thinking she is definately NOT WORTH her 1k price...now she's nearly $1200.

I just wish she had called me. Maybe after the second email got no response. She has my number.

And I have been so good paying vendors IN FULL when I can just so I don't need to worry about payment dates.

Lesson learned. These vendors want you to be late so they can charge like crazy. So today I went ahead and emailed the location site asking when they need their 6k. I knew it was 1 month before the wedding but had been waiting to get an email from them before I volunteered my credit card. Now I learned. But the lady was nice and told me to pay her when I arrive in town for the wedding.

Stupid overpriced wedding. I'm really over it. I really hope it is great because at this point I am just writing check after check and seeing nothing but a bunch of expensive promises.

So...last week I read a post where a blogger (I forget who) looked at current real estate prices and commented that some properties had lost $200,000 in value from 2 years ago.

This got me thinking. I had to sell my mother's townhouse after her death in the Boston suburbs in 2006.

The property was purchased by a young, single real estate agent who was taking advantage of the fact that I had to sell fast. -he was just a year or so older than me! I was annoyed he could afford the place when I couldnt.($2,400 mortgage payments were not possible for me to sustain very long.)I was royally annoyed at the buyer because my selling price was 10k below any other townhouse listed price in the community- and it was one of the most upgraded townhouses in the community- and he got the property for 13k below the asking price- AND he got 3% commission fee because he was the realtor acting on behalf of the buyer!

Anyways- I was annoyed because he made some comment about holding it a few months and then selling it for a profit. I was still all wrapped up in the "Real estate only appreciates! Real estate is the biggest money maker ever!" that I had been hearing for the last 3 years. So selling BELOW asking price really offended me.

Well- Sure enough it was for sale 4 months later. Listed for 20k more than he bought it for!

Then price reduced. Then price reduced again.Then the price reduced to the buyers buying price. And the pictures showed a cleared out space. No furniture. He had moved out. I stopped checking it at that time. He was not going to make money off of me. That was good enough revenge for me.

I just went online. Wouldn't you know it- the dang thing is for sale again! And it's MY realtor who is selling it again! New furniture in many of the pictures- so not the original buyer. And it is LISTED for 101k below what I sold it for! Just in 2 years it has changed owners 3 times and lost 100k in value. That blows my mind. Thank GOD I did not try and hold onto that place.

-But my old realtor is using a few pics from when he sold it from me. The kitchen and study has my mom's furniture in them. Same pictures. Huh. weird.

Disapointing new yesterday on many fronts:

The house BB and I really like is under contract. Not our contract. I knew that 40k price drop would work against us.

After now tracking our spending 2 months in a row it is clear I need to get a full time- never travel on the road with BB again- job if we want to buy a house.

After tracking our spending 2 months in a row it is clear we will need to put down 30% if we buy a house. About $30,000 more needed.

After going to the mall to buy BB a dress shirt, tie and shoes for his wedding attire...he (once again) is too tall for the normal department stores and we had to go to a discount chain for his shirt. I feel bad that on his wedding day he does not get to wear a quality fabric. The material is just not right on this dress shirt. Good news though- we got the shoes 70% off! They were on clearance and the saleslady gave us the sale price for a sale starting today (extra 30% off) because of the upcoming occasion...Starting today all clearance items at Dillards Department store are an extra 30% off by the way!

Thats all.

Looking over the September spending- we did not do as well as I had hoped.Good news- We had 2 NSD. But we had a few unexpected one time expenses and considering that BB and I were both unemployed with BB also having knee surgery this month, I think we did pretty well.

Here are our gory details:

TOTAL INCOME: $3354.00
Rent: $1750
EBay: $904
Baseball: $350.00
Garage Sale: $200
Rebates: $150.00

EBay:
Earned: $1112.00
Shipping: -$112.00
Ebay fees: -$96.00
Net: $904.00

EXPENSES: $1551.00
Rent: $500.00
Groceries: $388.00
Gas: $150.00
Electricity: $184.00
Lawn: $100.00
Health Insurance: $89.00
Water: $60.00
Phone & Internet: $45.00
Waste service: $35.00

ONE TIME EXPENSES:$2560.00
Wedding expenses$1344.00
New Computer: $830.00
New Dog: $386.00

FUN: $586.00
Takeaway/Dining Out: $244.00
Gifts: $95.00
Clothes & Shoes: $70.00
Vitamins: $61.00
Scrapbooking $50.00
Video Games: $44.00
House Improvement: $17.00
Misc: $3.00
Car Improvement: $2.00

Total -$1343.00 Going on the credit card

It's not as bad as it looks. The negative amount is about equal to the wedding expenses, and that will be paid off in full after the wedding next month. What I thought was interesting is the eBay results. That really adds up! So does shipping though!

Not withdrawing from the market was a good idea. Not withdrawing from the market was a good idea. Not withdrawing from the market was a good idea....

This is cyclical. This is cyclical. This is cyclical...

These lawmakers know what they are doing. These lawmakers know what they are doing. These lawmakers know what they are doing...

I don't need this money for 30 years. I don't need this money for 30 years. I don't need this money for 30 years...

I am feeling better about my position in the stock market.

Before Wall Street opened this morning my financial advisor called me regarding the email I sent over the weekend explaining I wanted to make changes in my portfolio.

It turns out I have been reading my monthly statements wrong. I thought I was 98% in stocks and 2% in cash/cash equivalents...but it is 98% mutual funds (and I think I need to relearn what mutual funds are.)

He said I am actually about 50/50 in safe investments and stocks. I have about 7% in mutual funds, 7% treasury bonds, 21% bond funds and 8% in cash. The rest are also in mutual funds...but mutual funds that are losing money so maybe aggressive mutual funds? Is that possible?

He told me that the conversation we had about a year ago where I said I wanted to go more conservative was a good move because now I am 50/50- but going more conservative will mean missing the upswings of the market.

So after talking to him...I felt better that even if the market tanks, 50% of my money is safe-and so I did not change anything in the portfolio.

I was expecting the market to increase today with the news of the bailout- but the pullout of foreign countries has tanked the market some more- once again what I THOUGHT would happen did not...so oddly enough it makes me feel better that maybe my fear of the market collapsing is unfounded.

ummm...in other news- that house pic I posted 3 days ago explaining BB and I love it- dropped 40k in price last night. It's only been on the market 2 weeks! BB and I are bummed believe it or not- because now someone is sure to sweep it up before we can get out to see it in November. Plus- now it is in a price category that tends to tell me the neighborhood is really bad...so that is disappointing as well.

Today was an excellent no spend day.

Baseball boy and I took our new dog, Casey, to the baseball field and let her run around on the field. She loved it!

Then I worked at BB's baseball school for a few hours filling in. BB went to the gym.

In the afternoon I came home and napped.

Afterward BB and I took Casey to the beach. It was Casey's first time at the beach. She loved it and was very amusing. At one point I looked up after wading out into the water to see 3 huge fins rising out of the water not far from Casey and I! After yelling to BB and grabbing the dog I processed that they were not sharks, they were dolphin! They were in pretty shallow water so everyone stood on the beach to give the dolphin their space and admire the show.

After we got home we relaxed..then I got bored and decided to test out the rollerblades I bought yesterday at the garage sale. It was amusing but I got the hang of it quickly. Overall a good $8.00 purchase. (until I end up in the hospital..less a matter of 'if', more a 'when'.) I hooked Casey to the leash and let her pull me around the neighborhood on the skates. She was good- but only because she was exhausted from the beach. She's normally a bit out of control on the leash...still learning her manners.

Baseball boy grilled himself some steaks and made me a few grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.

Now Casey is sleeping on the couch with me. And I am debating an early turn in too.

Garage sale was a sucess- sort of. I made $206.00 (good) but only sold about 60% of the stuff. Overall it was a good time- I am just frustrated thinking about hauling it all in.
And I bought a pair of rollerblades from next door. I have never rollerbladed in my life- but guess I will give it a shot.

It's hard to figure out what will sell and what wont-you see it all as 'crap' and so you have a hard time arranging the sale to showcase your best 'crap.'

I sold a mink coat (at a huge discount...but the woman was really thrilled with it)..1 barbie in a box, 1 porcelain doll in a box, 2 waterford ornaments, all my scrapbooking stuff, all my CD's, an unopened makeup set, a jewlery cleaner, 3 necklaces, and a tupperware set. And 4 books! (leaving multiple barbies, dolls, books, and jewelery to go back into the house.)

Anyways...I am feeling better about the market today. Sort of. I am still going to go more conservative.

I may miss a soar in the market but I don't care. If this was a few thousand dollars I was playing around with and learning about the market- or I had previously been playing around in the market and knew enough to know what I dont know, or knew enough to be cocky- then I would stay in. But as it is- The money I have invested is too great an amount for me to feel comfortable managing based on my zero knowledge of finances.

In the back of my mind I still think some anti-Americans could really do us some damage right now and I don't want to have a heart attack if that happens.

I am once again trying to figure out the market...so forgive my ignorance a bit, I have some questions here:

I am in 'aggressive stocks' and 'conservative stocks.' But what do those terms mean? How much does a stock gain/lose in what time frame to be considered aggressive or conservative?

The news gives accounts of the stock market by saying "the market is down 20% from last month.." and obv that 20% is a compilation of stocks rising while others fail. But are conservative stocks currently tanking as well?

I am thinking of getting out a little bit. I am 98% in the stock market- I think 60% aggressive/40% conservative...and I want to move maybe 20% into a money market account just to make sure that come hell or high water I will have something in the end.

So I should take 20% from the aggressive stocks...right? I imagine the conservative stocks are quietly going along dipping and gaining in small increments and it is the aggressive stocks that are causing the wild fluctuations in my monthly statements-right?

I know you guys will tell me to look at my statements to find my weakest links...but honestly I really have trouble understanding my statement. I am going to set up a phone meeting with my financial advisor but we don't talk very often and I am not sure I am such a huge priority to him. He will do what I ask him to do-but does not often have many suggestions for me.

Also- The money is in an IRA I inherited- If I move money into a money market fund...I need to pay taxes on that money-right? I dont mind that idea- once the bailout starts and a new president comes in- he will probably raise taxes. Better to pay them now than later.

Do I sound completely crazy? My mind is kind of panicky. And I just want to be done with this wild ride. The govt may be doing all they can to calm people down with this bailout...but I just have a bad feeling about things. America seems very vulnerable right now and in this global environment- we are not the only people who know that. And once we begin this bailout plan- we will still be very vulnerable because I imagine the country might be close to broke for a while.

I dont have the experience to imagine what is going to happen in the future, nor the faith to see this course through. I may have my whole life to let the markets recover- but I also have my whole life to get back into the market later.

I feel like such a wimp. But I am done with worrying about the markets.

Why is it that you look around your house and think you have so much junk and imagine a house clutter free and cleaner...but then it comes time for garage sale selling you cannot bring yourself to add anything to the sell pile?

I want to get rid of all the porcelain dolls still in their boxes. I want to get rid of all the paperback books- I never reread them. Scrapbooking stuff that I will never use. Stuffed animals with tags still attached. Barbies still in their box. Shoes still in their box.....

But now we have a garage sale tomorrow and my sell pile is so small!

I think to myself.."If the junk sells then my bookshelf is clear to keep all these books."..."No one will pay $10 for these designer jeans but they were $60 and after tearing off the tags I never wore them once!"...."I hate this little figurine but if I sell it and my friend who gave it to me asks where it is-what will I say?"

And so back into the closets and far corners of the house the junk goes!

I WANT the junk-junk to sell so my semi-junk will have a place to live...but no one will buy the junk-junk and will pay such low prices for the semi-junk that I think I should keep it!

Lunacy! It is! I gotta get detached. Keep the vision of a clean house fresh in my mind.

(Up above is a house Baseball boy and I have been admiring online....)

Well...my house down payment is locked up at WAMU/J.P.Morgan. No sweat...not looking for a home...well not looking for a home seriously.

I am wondering about mortgage interest rates though. I wonder if this bailout will mean they raise interest rates because the economy is more stable/ to help the banks a bit more.

I am lucky to have seen this housing crisis from the beginning as an outsider. I learned alot. It confirmed that my initial plan was good to put down 20% despite pressure from peers and advertisements to "jump in now- you are a fool if you miss this opportunity." I decided on the 20% route because that's the way homeowners who still own their home 10,20,40 years later did. It's a proven course to success...all this other stuff was just trendy bling.

But sadly...I think I am a bit spoiled on the mortgage rates. 5% interest sounds good. Quite tasty. Now people are remembering interest rates from the eighties for 10-11%? No way! I'm not paying that! I want to lock in now!

So off to crunch the numbers I went last night. We cant afford it....I am having an opposite problem of most people- I finally have a decent down payment-but don't think we can afford the monthly mortgage.

So now the new goal is to put 30% down. I am kind of sad about it because 30% of $200-250,000 is a long way off...but to sleep at peace Baseball boy and I want to keep the mortgage and all house bills at or under $1600 a month.

So...nothing much to report here. I am financially the same as I was yesterday, just a bit further behind in our life-goals. But we are still going house hunting in November. ~Just to look though!

Ok, I know someone out there has a husband who builds/resells gaming electronics.

I was cleaning behind our TV yesterday and came across an XBox controller. For the OLD xbox- not the 360. It is green with the cord attached...just dusty. Baseball boy told me to toss it.

Can I sell it on eBay? Is there a market for it? I tried to look it up on ebay but typing in 'xbox controller' brought up NEW controllers. Is it worth anything?

In other news- eBay is making me some money. I added $400 to my house fund yesterday, and more is coming...I am quickly replenishing the $3400 I 'borrowed' to pay off the credit card. Just this wedding next month- things/finances are getting blurry. Glad it will be done and business as normal in 6 weeks!

AND! The charts on the fridge are WORKING! I have posted:
1 chart of our daily spending totals
1 chart of our wedding expenses
1 chart of our house fund balance...
Yesterday BB was looking at the fridge and says "Hey! We have not had a No Spend Day this month!" I was overjoyed. Truly. I am still smiling.

So I watched President Bush last night. (Keep in mind- I am a democrat, never liked Bush.)

Anyways, to start off- he did seem to be trying to 'sell' this bailout package. I thought president's talk and people do.

Bush sounded like he was trying to convince us to 'buy' something. And I understand the bill needs to pass congress, and Congress won't pass it without the public's support...

But last I checked there were still enough people who trusted Bush to support his plan. In addition, the plan SOUNDS good to average people who don't pay attention to economics and industry. I mean, to say that the govt is going to use $700 billion to put into the banking system so that banks don't fail, lending still continues, the stock market recovers, and in several more years the money will be repaid plus interest...well- I think that would get plenty of support from average people. Especially with the economy as it is- I think people are looking for anything with the promise of improvement. So just the president's endorsement should be enough to pass this bill.

But instead the president sounded very alarming. He used sensational words to get an extreme emotional reaction, and predicted an outcome worse than I anticipated was possible...he really strongly implied that America as we know it will be wiped out if the bailout package does not pass.

So my questions are these:
1. Now- what if it does not pass? Will Americans go into a panic because they thought this was the answer and without it America is doomed? Pres Bush really suggested there were no alternatives besides the bailout. He just set us all up to panic if the bill does not pass.

2. MUCH more important than the first. What if the bailout passes but FAILS? All the experts are trying to figure out if it will pass...but what if it passes, the treasury invests $700 billion in mortgages/banks, and the economy still continues going downhill? What are we putting up at stake here? What are the risks?

I can't help but remember President Bush's last big idea to start the Iraq war. After the war on terror. And the bombing in Afghanistan. In my book, President Bush has had marginal success in some cases and less in others. Not a great track record.

Therefore...I really am concerned about this bailout NOT WORKING...and I am at a loss to imagine what the government/society/economics/daily life is like in the case of failure or mistakes or mismanagement.

ok, I am on my new computer.

I dont know why my computer was $800. oh yes I do.

It was $650. The cheapest in the store was $500 but the sales guy said it wont last a year. This model was the next cheapest price. But then I had to pay $150 for them to wipe it clean from unwanted programs and install security stuff. Then taxes. And my printer is obsolete and is not compatible with this laptop....all came to $830.00.

New question...old computer had 2005 microsoft word. We purchased Microsoft office word 2007-upgraded and installed it on old computer...bringing old windows into the current version.
-we are trying to install word on this computer using the upgraded disk but it asks for a 25 digit product key that we thought we found on the bottom of the computer...but it is 'invalid'. Any ideas?

arg. just arg. *cries* stupid computer. crashed. this morning. Kaput.

Went to bestbuy who told me a light is broken in my screen.

$150 to replace, plus $150 in labor. =$300 to fix.

I have had this laptop almost 4 yrs and apparently my laptop is a ticking time bomb for other problems. So the suggestion was to just buy a new laptop.

After lots of convincing by baseball boy and bestbuy, I bought a stupid new laptop.

$830.00. hmmpph.

Guess how I paid for it? I didnt. I refused to realize that I am nearly another thousand dollars poorer.

So I opened a bestbuy credit card with 18 months of 0% financing. I have until January 2010 to pay it off. I think I can do that.

I know it dinged my credit a bit and we are sort of in the market to buy a house...but I just couldnt add to our debt right now with this wedding next month. I could not deal.

So am I enjoying the new computer? NO! Its still at bestbuy getting programmed.

I am on an old laptop that would have been our replacement laptop if baseball boy had no been too lazty to pack it properly and cracked the screen over the summer. I have a spiderweb of blackness covering the screen right now.

So we have 2 laptops with working motherboards, but both have problem screens. I actually cant even see what I am typing right now....60% of the screen is black. arggg...

Why is it that we computer users are accepting of spending nearly a thousand dollars on a computer that is supposed to last a "year or two?" I think thats crap. What happened to quality? I remember my parents buying things and expecting them to last a lifetime. I feel good if I get a year or so of use out of most things I buy.

I am trying to get my fiance to be more financially minded. He fights me on it but has made some progress. In return I have learned some communication skills and reasoning coming from the male mind (more like a version of a 4 yr old. "But I wannttt itttt!")

*I introduced the concept of No Spend Days to him over the summer. He discounted the theory until I started challenging him by saying "Lets have a NSD today." So now he has grown to hate NSD rather than feel they are empowering- as I do. ("See commercialism- you are not as smart as you thought with your pretty colors, gimmicky ads and giant signs.") So I need to change that association from hate to love. That was a mistake on my part. The progress is that when I suggest a NSD (about 2x a month)- we have a LOW spend Day. Generally just 1 thing will be purchased. So that is progress. Goal is to have a NSD (a true one) every week.

* I introduced the concept of 'financial freedom' to him rather than 'budget'. He gets confused and calls it 'financial independance' and it makes me laugh. But I think he liked that term. I need to work it into our everyday vocabulary more.

* I THOUGHT this gigantic wedding was a good stopper for all spending "we are not buying a pizza because I am paying over $20,000 for this wedding next month!" - and for about 2 weeks it did stop the unneccessary spending. - but yesterday he pulls the "If you can spend $20,000 for a wedding- whats one lousy pizza going to do?"...and I was unprepared for that. I had no answer. We got the pizza. Afterward I felt bloated and fat and told him I wished we had never gotten it. He felt the same way. sigh.

SOMEONE on this board had a GREAT idea of posting something on their fridge to 'show' the husband what was being spent, or how the small purchases were draining the account- and I cant remember the idea! If anyone knows it, please share. I remember thinking it would work for BB...but then forgot about it. ...maybe I will create a spread sheet with the total balance of our house deposit..and include all deductions made from that account to see how this pizza is affecting things. Problem is we rarely deduct from that account...hmmm.

I spent the morning on monster.com applying for jobs I am way overqualified for. I worry that no one will call me in for any interviews.

Since Baseball boy and I generally have no clue whats going on in our life a month in advance, I applied for part time work, or easy, call center type jobs that already have a high turnover.

I dont want to commit to a complicated 'career' job that will take priority over everything else in life.

I want to have 3 days off in November for my wedding, and get 2 days off in December for 2 out of state weddings I am attending...complicated 'career' jobs dont usually give vacation days until you have been there several months. But easy part time jobs tend to be flexible.

I really hope I get some calls!

BTW- living in the suburbs sucks during high gas times. I can't apply to any city jobs because it's almost an hour away...but local jobs are very few right now.

Holy cow I just made $70!

Its 2am...I was peacefully asleep when one of our good friends called to say he just broke up with his girlfriend and was on the road driving 2 hrs to spend a few days with us (he was visiting his girlfriend who lives 9 hrs from him- we were the closest people he knows.)

I was thrilled to see him...but needed to do some cleaning to get the house presentable and his room ready for him. Anyways, he calls back after the vacuming, dusting and mopping is near completion to say the girl is crying...maybe he overreacted-he's turning around to work it out.

Since I am awake- I check my eBay listings. One trinket (the limoge I was asking about earlier) has been quietly making it's way up to $26 over the last several days- tonight suddenly the figurine is at $100!

I have NO CLUE why this item skyrocketed. I searched completed listings and all limoges have sold for $40-$80. 1 limoge sold for $200...but my item doesnt even have original box..and I stated the top is slightly scratched!

I keep re-reading my listing wondering if I accidently said it is made of 14 carot gold or something...

But I'll take it. I was expecting bidding to stop around $40- so this is a nice surprise. I have another limoge listed and sitting at $20...maybe tomorrow night that item will earn me good money too!

Well it seems as though everyone out here in the blogs are weathering this economy really well. Some people have had setbacks, but just temporary ones. No one has admitted to going on shopping sprees..no new cars...nothing crazy. For myself- I have shut down the house hunting. And that's a BIG attitude change considering how much this 'want' was consuming me!

Baseball boy and I are treading water right now. Considering neither one of us has a job...I'm pretty impressed with us. He's been focusing on healing from the surgery (maybe it's a WE have been focused...since I drive him around, take him to PT, get him ice for the knee, grocery shop, took over all household chores..)

And I have listed about 20 items on ebay. A few items have been shipped off- many are waiting for bidding to end. I kind of decided to forget about getting offended at the selling prices of the items and just list them ridiculously low to get the items out of here (though I know my selling tactics drive down the prices for all other sellers out there who need the money to feed their kids...I apologize sellers.)

So far...grand total deducting fees and shipping...$5 profit. But it's not as bad as it sounds, I purchased 2 things off ebay (see..I do put the money right back into other sellers hands!) and have about $300 coming once biddings end.

But since we are unemployed, we have both been very good about budgeting. There have been a few 'bad things' like take out and eating out- but not much. So far for the month we have spent just about exactly my rental income and BB's last paycheck from baseball. If I only spend $30 more this month (1 week to go!) I will NOT use my credit card!

Excluding wedding stuff. Wedding stuff goes in another catagory to be paid off in the month or two proceeding the event.

On top of that, Baseball boy's parents had a garage sale this weekend and included some items I had left at their place for storage (I really didnt want the items)and so "I" made $100! Should I send them a gift card or something for their effort? They were selling their own stuff, but...I'm not sure what I should do in this case.

PS. I like that you all are posting your stock investment information. My information comes to me 1x a month through the mail. I am curious to do a comparision to see how my investments are doing.

I feel like there are so many new developments in the finance industry that I cant keep up with it all! Everytime I turn on CNN or MSNBC the anchors are buzzing about some new development and "what it means to me."

Really- I know it's their job to get me riled up over this stuff, and to make it seem like it's the end of the world, but their constant excitement makes it hard to judge if something is "really big" or "they want you to THINK it's really big."

I am lucky I have a small understanding of finances to use as background because the terms they use and speed that they talk is way to advanced for most people. I understand why people choose to stick their head in the sand and flip the channel.

And then I am lucky to also have this forum to go to and read what is going on in the world in "laymans terms."

BTW- Who is this Carmen girl now hosting a Suze Orman type of show on MSNBC and do we like her? I normally like females in mens industries (like finance) but she talks kind of weird (emphasizing 'key' words that are not really key words- speeding up then slowing down her sentences.) But maybe I need to get used to her.

Baseball boy's birthday is next month. I have been planning his gift for almost a year.

I am going to get one of his Double A jerseys matted and framed and include a plaque detailing the team and stats.

He has about 20 jerseys sitting at his parents house that he has collected over the years, and I figured if I get one done every holiday, it will be better than getting them all done at once.

I went to Michaels yesterday and OMG! It's almost $300! I had no idea. I'm still going to do it- once we buy a house we want to hang up his jerseys and I guess we hypothetically have 'more money now than we will after we buy a house. It might be years before we can afford to do it then.

One GOOD thing coming from the upcoming wedding and now his birthday is that when BB brings up spending money on food I just get stone cold no nonsense and am like "I am in the process of paying almost $25,000 for the wedding next month- I am not spending a DIME except your birthday." And he shuts up. He totally gets that line. $25,000 is a scary amount to him too. When I had the $5,000 credit card debt- that didnt bother him- it wasnt a 'scary amount'...but this wedding is. Thank god somethings shutting down the spending!

AND one of the expensive items was bid on eBay!!

Well, American financial crisis aside, I am trying to just live life and be smart as I do it.

EBay is doing pretty well. BB's video game sold for more than we expected...but a new person to eBay with poor feedback won it 2 days ago- and has not paid for it. Disappointing. It's such a hassle to file an unpaid claim.

All other low priced items have bids on them. No expensive items have bids on them. Not much surprise there.

My camera battery ran out of charge...and I left the battery charger in Texas, so I ordered another off eBay...auction ends in another day. So my eBay listings are on hold till it arrives.

That's about it. I have spent the last 2 days working on a spreadsheet to detail exactly the cost of this wedding...it's just excessive. Frustrating. I really wish I had never agreed to this thing. I know people 'say' you can 'cut' but...

Since it's an out of town wedding, we are paying for many things that in town weddings don't pay for- like hotels and transportation. And every vendor charges 'extra' fees like 'service charges', 'save the date' ex...so if you cut back on the amount or type of service you want, it's really only taking a small percentage off the bill. I cut back my flowers by 50% and it only eliminated $150 off a $600 bill. Frustrating. I don’t want to talk about it. I am so ashamed of myself for spending this much money but feel stuck.

I try to be optimistic and think maybe it's because I am just writing checks, checks, and checks and have nothing to show for it. Maybe the day after our wedding I will say it was all worth it. Maybe. I hope.

Thank you guys for your reassurances with the stock market.

I am assuming this is just an interesting wave in the historic tide of the stock market?

This is not the beginning of the end where America starts to lose its foothold as a world leader and eventually plunges into a new era of 'depression like times'?

I assume this is like the whole Indy-mac collapse...created a flurry of activity and panic but in the end had really no big bearing on the big picture?

Everyone tells me that when I eventually need the money tied up in the stock market- it will be there. Everyone also told me I should buy a house during the height of the boom. I cant help but wonder if people have been brainwashed into a certain way of thinking- by people who's lives and careers are dependant on us continueing to think that everything will be ok. I have seen alot of propaganda and have become very cynical of all the way 'advertisements' make their way into our lives disguised as fact and public assistance.

But I am hoping very much that the difference between the reassurances that the stock market will eventually return to it's previous climbing status and the advice I was given to buy into the housing market- is that the former advice is from people who actually know what they are talking about.

I have a few worries- That other countries (or terrorists) will see our weak financial state as a big vulnerability and figure out some way to use it to wipe out/take over/ ruin America. Dont say it cant be done. No world leader has continued forever...well...England has a pretty good track record. but they might be reletively young as well. It's been awhile since I have sat in on a history class.

I also worry about how the baby boomers will impact this. I am very spotty in my history/financial education. But I think one of Americas largest generations is now entering retirement and drawing off social security. They are also well respected for their contributions to the stock market...but now they need money from the stock market. I wonder how/if the baby boomers will somehow unintentionally set the stock market into a downward spiral.

Maybe I should look at this as "the stock market is correcting itself." As the housing market is correcting itself. Sucks for the people who need to sell their home now- or bought high- but in the long term of things this will educate people to see 'bubbles' in the future and this whole housing crisis really has no long term impact.

At this point I feel that I am 'stuck' in the market. So I will stay in. I have not heard a peep from my financial advisor in many, many months- and as far as I know- he needs my ok if he wants to sell or move things around.

I cant wait till this whole financial crisis is over so I can maybe use this experience in the future when the next big crisis starts brewing.

Deep breaths. Repeat to myself "This is a learning experience. This will help you in the future."

I just heard the stock markets going to tank tomorrow due to a Merrill Lynch buy out. Sigh. I'm still all in...only because I dont know anything else to do.