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Archive for October, 2008


October 26th, 2008 at 02:25 pm

I just logged onto my eBay site and there has been a bidder on my most expensive item!! I have listed this item, and a few similar items several several times before with no bids. Always lots of watchers but no one will spend the money...but today someone is feeling rich!!

This will totally throw off my eBay numbers that I calculated a few days ago but IT'S A GOOD PROBLEM TO HAVE!! Whoohoo! Happy happy dance!

October Spending Tally

October 23rd, 2008 at 09:00 pm

Ok, stock market aside I thought I should go ahead and tally up BB and My October spending. I'll be busy with wedding preparations pretty soon and want to see how this month has panned out. Overall, I think we did well. I am pleased.

............September... October
1 time expenses$1216....$1064

So we have increased our income (amazing because BB earned $280 this month-no really, he did.)and decreased everything else except fun. Looking over the 'fun' individual list~ BB ordered a Mother load of vitamins this month and that accounts for well over half of the 'fun' spending.

I am really proud of my eBay sales. I grossed over $1900 this month. Then shipping and fees took their cut..still left me with $1500.

BTW-everything was nicely lined up before it gets posted, sorry for the messy lines.

ok, I'm staying in

October 23rd, 2008 at 04:53 pm

Alright...I am in. I am doing this. And I am not going to get out.
I actually convinced myself to stay in after my last 2 posts.

I wrote down that I can handle my shares all dropping ALMOST to the point of extinction- as long as they do not go to $0. I can handle that because I have faith that in 30 years it will be built back up. I was just really afraid that the market would go to $0. But after thinking about the market going to $0...I don't think my money sitting in some bank account will do anything for me anyways. Money might be worthless and crime would be so bad I would just be a target anyways.

And I have it in my head that the more shares you have...the more you will earn in the good times. I already have so many shares and funds and whatnot that it's a shame to sell all that and start over again.

And I am not a greedy little b*ch. Pardon the language but I always told myself that this money alone is more money than I ever thought I would see in one spot, and I dont care if it earns crazy gains because the turtle wins the race and I am already starting out in a sweet sweet spot. So as long as I retire with the same amount of money I started with-I'm ok with that.

And the best way to ensure that I retire with the same amount I started with is to withdraw a majority of my retirement at least 5 years before I retire. As long as I do that, then I should be fine.

And I need to remember that the stock market is not a net worth. Up til recently I thought it was a net worth. Now I see the stock market as a type of put capital in-let it do its thing for a while-monitor it for issues-and at the end of it all you will have a net worth when its over.

I just get so caught up in everyone else freaking out. The news announced today that we are in "a credit crisis tsunami". -Well that sounds alarming! It makes me think that bad times are coming and I better prepare.

I mean, I have felt a tightening in the economy. Ebay sales are way down..the monthly interest payment in my bank account is pretty low..I don't have as much 'extra cash' in my accounts as I am used to...and everyone everywhere is flipping out about the economy. So I 'see' it...but personally for me-it's not hitting me as badly as I think it should. I'm just a bit uncomfortable. I'm not at the level the news and experts seem to tell me I should be at.

So I panic and think the bad stuff is coming. I think that I am on the verge of major problems.

But I need to remind myself WHY I am not on the front lines of this financial crisis.
*I don't own a house
*I don't own a business
*I don't have student loan debt, car debt or any debt
*I am not retired or about to retire where I need the stock market money
*I have not made any large financial commitments that I need to uphold in these tightening times.

So maybe I will get through this relatively unscathed. I don't think I deserve to be mildly affected though when everyone around me is flipping out. It doesn't seem very fair.

update to last nights worried post

October 23rd, 2008 at 01:45 pm

Ok I'm throwing it out there. I know you guys who are telling me to stay in the market are right. You guys have been there/done that. But when BA asked me to picture what the market would look like in late December...ok. I admit it. In my head I picture big trouble.

I worry because I don't think the market has really done bad enough yet. Everybody is freaking out and complaining and the news is going crazy...but c'mon- do we really think this is it? That the worst has passed?

This cant be it! We have had financial giants tumble, and all anyone feels is a range from basically unaffected to short term uncomfortable. We are not even in an official recession yet!

And the other countries are only starting to become affected with the economy problems. What will happen when the whole world is at its lowest point?

All I am thinking is (and this stuff is pretty crazy-you guys might laugh); The big American/ European holidays are coming up..and anybody who wants to bring down America might see this financial situation as a good way to do it...

Plus we might have a controversial president coming into office and who knows how many crazies with guns will get stupid ideas in their heads...

And then I think- this cant be it. THIS is IT? Unemployment goes up a few points? People lose their house value for four or five years? The stock market teeters up and down up and down for a while?

Everything financial related is uncomfortable but not unlivable?

We have everyone freaking out on the news, in the streets, in the political box...there has got to be more bad coming.

So selfishly I wonder...why do I need to be in the market when the bad comes? Why cant I get out and then get back in during the upswing? What are the benefits to staying in all the way down then up? If I stay in the market and my shares go down to $1 a share...I CAN handle that-I know that when I need the money the stock market will be all functional again. But in the event there is more bad coming-a lot more- is there a chance my money will go to zero and it will be gone?

I dont get the stock market-many MANY questions in this post...

October 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Ok I don't understand stocks. I cant wrap my brain around it.I am about to knock out a few possibly wildly incorrect assumptions about the market that I use as factual. This could be a big part in my inability to understand the market. I am also about to throw out a HUGE amount of questions...

I try to understand stocks like house values. You buy one stock at $10. The more people want the stock (house), the more it is worth. The less people want the stock (house), the less it is worth.

BUT! Do stocks top out after a while? You buy a stock for $10. It averages an appreciation every year. After a few years its worth $200. yippeee! But how far up will your stock continue to climb? $1,000? $2,000? $10,000? I cant imagine many people buying one stock for $10,000.
People say to buy and hold..but if you buy and hold for 30 years wont your stock have topped out at some point? It cant keep going up forever..right?

And people tell me to not get out of the market now because I will lock in my losses. But I don't understand that either.

If I have $100 in the tanks and I have $50 in the market and I sell all. I have $50. I lost 50%.

But the stock market will do 1 of 2 things. Go up or down.

Lets say it goes down. I pulled out as it was going down. My $100 was worth $50 when I pulled out. Then the market goes down some more. My $50 could have gone down to $5.

Then the stock begins to go back up.

How would STAYING in the market ALL THE WAY DOWN have given me an advantage over pulling out halfway through the decline and putting the money back in halfway through the climb?

If the stock market is going up and I put my $50 back in...and it goes up and up. How have I locked in my losses? As long as I buy in before the $50 mark...and when the market surpasses $100- I made money, right?

But what if the market goes down to 0. Then I have no shares to go up when the market goes back up.

I guess I am wondering...why everyone wants me to STAY in the market during the downswing. I can understand BUYING into the market in the downswing. Cuz your money has nowhere to go but up. But why stay in if your initial investment is going down, down down? Why not pull out halfway through the down and buy back in halfway through the upswing. You still will have a ways to climb to get back to your initial investment. The only way you will have 'locked in your losses' is if you permantly pull out of the market in a downswing. Or if you pull out in a downswing then buy back in after the market has climbed above your initial investment amount. Wouldnt pulling out during a downswing give you an opportunity to buy MORE STOCKS than you previously owned?

If you own 1 stock and it goes down then up- fine. you own 1 stock making money. But if you sell your 1 stock for a loss and it goes WAY down...and you buy in- you can maybe buy 2 or 3 stocks for the price you sold your 1 stock!

And I was In the market during the record highs. I was in that market a year or so ago. So if I pull out of TODAYS market going down down will take a while to get back up to those record high numbers...I would have PLENTY OF TIME to get back into that climb before we reach the record highs from a year or so ago. This has taken a year to decline, wouldn't it take at least 6 months to get out of the red? So why would people tell me I will miss the jumps of the market if I pull out now? I might miss 1 or 2 jumps...but as long as I am back fully in by the time the stock climbs back to my selling point..I'm not missing anything.

I guess I wonder...if I sell when the DOW is at 10,000 points...and it goes all the way down to 5,000 points before going back long as I buy back in before it hits 10,000 points then I will be making money-right? Why should I stay in the whole time?

if I have 100 shares worth of a $10 stock- I have $1000 invested. That stocks goes way down to $2 a share...I still have 10 shares...and I wait for it to go up...and it does go $2 eventually goes back to $10 a share but I have only broken even. Everyone in the news is celebrating that the stock went up a million points but in reality I broke even. All the people who BOUGHT IN during the climb should be celebrating...but not us folks who bought years ago and just survived this whole ordeal.

And another what if my $10 stock goes down and then goes up to $100 a share...does that make me rich? I am only rich when I withdraw it right? Does that $90 I made pay me out a dividend or anything? Do I actually make money off the stock? I guess I can understand the excitement of a stock climbing if I got a cash payout every month...but I only see a return on my investment when I sell the entire stock -right?

They say the stock market historically yields a higher climb than a high interest bearing savings account so it is better to long term invest in the market...but a savings account pays me interest every month that gets compounded. It adds 3% onto the principle the 1st of every month and as long as I choose to compound the interest, I have a larger principle every month. I can withdraw some money when it is convenient, I can choose to spend the interest every month..but there is always $ invested earning interest.

That savings account money is an actual number. It is a net worth. You cant base your net worth on a stock price because it could be gone tomorrow. I thought the whole point in saving or earning money is to have security. Security to know you can put a roof over your head. To know that your kid will go to college. I can see how investing in stocks can be a way to EARN money...but I dont see how you can count your stocks as money you HAVE. Not until you cash them out.

How does a stock market come to be seen as what you are worth? How do you know you have $100,000 for retirement? Just because you had it 10 minutes ago does not mean You will have it when you retire!

But compared to a savings account once again, I get that the market on average yields something like 10% a year over the course of a decade or whatever that formula is- if I buy and hold the same stocks over the course of 30 years... but I never get to 'hold in my hands' any extra earned money (interest payment) unless I sell the whole stock. I own 1 stock for 30 years...and it is worth 10x my initial investment after 30 years...I must sell that 1 stock to actually have money in my hands and then what?-that's it. I no longer have principle in the market. My 1 stock is gone and it would cost $100 to buy it back. It would cost my entire 30 year gain if I decided I wanted to invest in the market again. It seems a one shot deal. I either own it and it is making money 'on paper' but I cant ever actually 'hold' that money the stock has earned me unless I end the game. ...

Wait. I guess the market is NOT like the housing market. Because with houses you can withdraw appreciation on your house (HELOC)..and the house will continue to appreciate! Just like a savings withdraw a portion of the account but the account remains active and continues to earn interest every month. But not stocks. You are in or out. There is no 'being invested and enjoying the fruits of your investment' until you sell the whole thing.

All those years you look at your monthly stock report and see it going up (on average) a year...but that's not really your money. It's only your money when you cash it out. And once you cash it out-it would cost you everything you just earned to get back in.

Are these ramblings making sense? Is my basic knowledge of how the market works correct? I know I am only questioning the philosophy of the market because I am losing money...but the more I try to understand why I should stay in the market, the less I understand why I should stay in the market.

Anyone else heard this?

October 21st, 2008 at 12:33 am

Have I heard rumblings that our two presidential candidates have talked about DEcreasing taxes paid on retirement accounts for a few years to try and help retirees who have lost lots of money in the last few months?

Does that mean I will be able to take my retirement funds out of the market and pay minimal tax penalties...then put them back into the market and later when I retire I don't need to pay tax??

I'm a glass half full kind of gal

October 20th, 2008 at 05:49 pm

Hi guys, still around, still saving. BB and I have been so good the last several weeks to really stop spending. I am so proud because BB has eliminated almost all his habitual spending, and we can really see a difference! Both of us have higher account balances than we normally carry.

I didn't realize how give and take our spending habits are. He wants some take-out food so he gets some for me. Then he wants a movie so he also buys me a movie he knows I will like. Then I feel bad he has spent so much $$ on me in the last few days I surprise him with a pizza. And on the cycle goes. But that has just about stopped completely.

But he did have a birthday recently. And on his birthday, budgeting stopped. He took the day off from work. We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast, then we drove to his favorite store so he could pick out two new video games of his choice, then we finished the day off with dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (far away AND expensive!).
I must say that it felt nice to go back to our old lifestyle. Eating at restaurants, DRIVING, buying things without worrying about sales/tax/ was nice just to let go and refuse to think about long term consequences of our actions today.

I can understand how hard it is for people to go from a mindless spending lifestyle to a controlled budget. It was so easy, carefree and relaxing to just live and not think about money.

But! I think that because we have been living very frugally and watching our money- that we enjoyed his birthday MORE than we would have otherwise. Honestly, he gets pampered every birthday, but this one was one of the most enjoyable days we have celebrated. I think one reason was because in the past we have lived each day somewhat lavishly by going out to eat regularly, buying items as we wanted them- so when a birthday came up- it was difficult to top our normal lifestyle. We would try by eating out at a verrry expensive place, or getting several several gifts, but it didn't have the same effect that this birthday had.

The economy falling has been an eye opening experience for me on many levels. I wish I did not lose money in the stock market, but I think this experience might save me money over the course of my life. I have already gotten used to a cheaper lifestyle, and if we get into the real estate market soon then we might end up saving a lot of $$ due to this depressed economy.

Yup. Although this economy has been hard to digest for everyone- I think I have learned and experienced a lot that I would have missed out on ordinarily.

Selling the Antiques??

October 16th, 2008 at 07:11 pm

I inherited a few large antique pieces of furniture that I am not in love with. In the interest in adding to my house down payment fund- I called an auction house to see how I can get an appraiser to come out and tell me about the pieces that I have. I know NOTHING about the pieces other than I have been told it is an antique.

The auction house guy was kind of vague.He said he is not an appraisor but does sell antiques in the auctions. He said he will come to the house on Tuesday to look at the pieces I have and tell me what he thinks.

He did warn me that antique sales have been down in today's economy.

I hate this feeling of being uneducated and vulnerable to swindlers but really experience is the only thing that will teach me what I need to know. But by the time I have experience the antiques will be gone.

I know I will get low balled. But everyone is going to low ball me so they can make a profit on the sale.

So since I really have no baseline idea of what I would 'like' to get for each piece...I am nervous that I wont recognize a REALLY low ball offer or a decent offer. And I don't know if I should call other places and get other offers...I am just not sure who else to call.

Breeding Strays but passing them off as purebreds

October 15th, 2008 at 10:09 pm

I just got a call from someone looking for the Australian Cattle looking dog I found last week and posted on Craigslist. The woman said that he looks like a purebred and wants him. I told her I couldn't handle him and took him to the shelter so he could be neutered and checked over by a vet and he was likely up for adoption by now if she wanted to call the shelter. She said that if I had posted in the Craigslist ad that he was un-nuetered I could have "gotten around a thousand bucks for him-Even without papers." Well now I am so glad I took him to the shelter and dont have to worry about swarmy people trying to use this poor cast away dog as a breeding machine for their own profit. I could never sell a dog for money.

And a lesson for all readers that buy their pets from breeders!!! REMEMBER THIS STORY! I FOUND a dog that LOOKS like a purebred to my totally untrained eye-and some girl wants to breed him and sell the babies as purebreds!! She was willing to invest $1,000 into him (and who even knows how old he is??)-imagine what she would charge for the babies?? Go to the shelters, you'll get just as quality a dog it seems.

My man LOVES to turn down money!

October 15th, 2008 at 06:50 pm

So 10 yrs ago the boy gets offered 100k to play pro ball out of high school. What does he do? He decides to go to college. Money earned: 6k is given to him to play out of college.

He plays baseball for a few years making about 5k a year. The boy gets offered 32k to coach college ball. What does he do?- he turns it down to keep playing ball.

The next year he is offered 40k to coach college ball. Nope. Still wants to play ball for 5k a year.

Then he gets offered to play ball in Columbia (the country)for 4k a month- "to dangerous" he says.

Then he gets to go to Italy to play for about 4k a month. No longer dangerous..but does he go? No! He wants to play in the states for 1k a month.

Now he is offered a chance to play in Peurto Rico for 6k a month and does he accept? No! It's not dangerous and it's close to home! So what now? His knee hurts and he does not think he will play well. So he turns it down.

Then TODAY he got offered a scouting job for an MLB team for 30k a year and guess what?! NO! He wants to keep playing ball for the promised 8k a year his playing salary gets bumped up to next year.

Jeezealou. It was not until I just got off the phone with him about this latest job offer that it ran through my mind,"He keeps turning down money!" Is he afraid of it? Does he equate money with lack of freedom, with growing up, with responsibility...what could it be? Why is he doing this?

Important decisions

October 15th, 2008 at 05:45 pm

So BB and I decided to take one baby step closer to home ownership and see if the price range we think we can afford is the price range the lenders think we can afford.

Interesting morning. I started off checking our credit scores (both our scores are in mid-800's good job us). BB and I were VERY surprised to find out BB has a student loan out in his name with a balance due of 11k. (paid up to date) BB's parents had never mentioned a loan out, actually they said they took an equity credit to pay both kids schools outright. BB has not been in college for about 7 At any rate it's a speedbump. The payment due is $130 a month and since BB earns 10k a year I can see this not getting paid off anytime soon and GREATLY hindering the lenders ability to account for BB's salary.

Anyways- that surprise aside- The lenders didn't really know what to do with me. Since we want to buy out of state we are stuck in the "you cant be approved until you have a job and you cant get a job till you live in the state" issue. Rather than renting in future city and getting a job- I was hoping to just get approved based on my meager rental income and my assets. Bless the lenders heart they were struggling to approve me but by the end of the phone conversation even I would be hard pressed to lend to myself.

So I got off the phone with options. I can get a co-signer (NO WAY!), I can move to the state and get a job (possible but not to practical), I can pull out a mortgage or equity loan from my rental property to fund the house (riskier and more expensive than I would like), or we can buy a duplex, and 70% of the rental agreement income will become a part of my income. This is the most likely scenario. We have been talking about duplexes off and on...weighing the pros and cons and leaving it as a possibility. Actually it sounds ideal- I am just concerned because the duplexes we can afford are in shady parts of town. But now with this mortgage issue...looks like that is the way we need to go.

I am just annoyed because I paid cash for my new vehicle last year. I paid cash for my masters degree. I am paying cash for this wedding coming up next month. Does that count?? No! And if I had not been Dave Ramsey responsible I would have 50% of my future house price to pay in cash!

Anyways, after feeling
really poor and unsuccessful in life I check my email and lo and behold- a lender approved me for 250k! What are they thinking?! I cant afford that!

stock market upswing

October 13th, 2008 at 09:03 pm

My financial advisor called me today to tell me we had invested in developing market funds last year and now the fund has been acting a little wacky so he is suggesting I sell. I sold and put 50% in money markets and 50% in high yield bonds. Now I turn on the news to find out the stock market had a spectacular day today! Hope my selling caught it on the upswing and I made a bit of money. Didn't even think to ask him about that.

hmmm....(house buying related)

October 12th, 2008 at 07:58 pm

This weekend Baseball boy's father came to visit us for a few days. Psychologically /Emotionally it was a bit topsy-turvy.

BB's dad has always made me defensive when it comes to the home buying thing. In the past he has dismissed our desire to buy a home by saying that owning a home is a huge responsibility. He acts like he views us as kids who cant function without his help. Maybe he doesnt think this- but I am so sensitive to feeling dependent on a person that my radar for picking up comments like that is razor sharp.

If I didn't actually need his help I would never even include him in the purchasing plan. Just to save myself the irritation of being talked to like a child. But he is the only 'adult' I regularly talk to, whose opinion I respect and I know he has useful information stored in his brain that I need.

As soon as the topic of house buying came up he starts off with a laundry list of things we have to do to 'educate' ourselves before starting to look for a house. Which would be fine- if we had not been preparing to buy a house for the past 3 years and the advice he was giving us such as "School systems are important for resale value" was information that can be heard on HGTV everyday. I was irritated to no end. I took it to mean that he believes we just woke up and said "I think I want to buy a house today".

To hurry up this irritating part of the conversation, I was like, "I know-I know all that." So he then starts up with a list of personal roadblocks for us to consider, "well you need a garage, I would be worried about your jeep."- These comments continued to irritate me- does he think I am going to spend over 20k on a brand new vehicle and then just completely forget to accomodate the vehicle when house hunting? My jeep has actually been a focal point in our house search this whole time. But he just starts in assuming we never thought about this stuff.

Then comes the financial roadblock. "you guys cant afford it. Right now with the economy as it is, you need 25% to put down." To which I was able to reply to him we have almost 40k to use as a down payment. That honestly gave him pause. He was silent- trying to find a point to argue. He came up with nothing.

Then suddenly the whole topic changed course. He started asking ME questions about our plan. He started saying optimistic lines like, "now is a good time to buy a house." And from then on the conversation flowed about how to get us into a house.

Then! Later that night I got the information I knew he had and I was patiently waiting for. He found us a way to add $17,000 extra on our down payment!

He assured me the $7500 tax break is applicable to us, and explained to me how I can pull $10,000 out of my IRA TAX FREE for our 1st home purchase.

Then it was all talk of how "now is the best time to buy a place, we will never get a shot at this again with having the power to negotiate and take advantage of interest rates..." So now he is on board with us 100% and even wanted to meet the realtor with us to look at houses together.

The whole tone changed over the weekend. Before he was treating us like we were about to make a huge mistake and we needed him to babysit us just to protect us from our own ignorance, then suddenly he became so excited that he wants to help us!

I find it frustrating that it was the down payment that changed his mind. We have been saving for 3 years. That means he spent the last 3 years thinking we were foolishly wasting money. While we were saving he was judging us for being broke thinking we were just bad with money.

Yeah -BB was guilty of using his dad's CC sometimes- leading Dad to feel he was supporting us and he was keeping us in a lifestyle unaffordable to us- and that has been a battle keeping BB off that card- but did Dad really think BB was charging fuel and groceries because we were spending our income on stupid stuff?

Did Dad really think this whole time that were just saying we wanted to buy a house and not doing anything about accomplishing the goal?


Need help!

October 10th, 2008 at 04:42 pm

Ok, I posted on Craigslist saying I found a dog and he needs a new home. I was planning to take him to the shelter today when I just got a call from a young woman saying she is looking for a companion dog for her female dog.
The woman is driving almost an hour to get here and take this dog. However- I am worried because I have heard that dog fighting rings will pick up free dogs to use as 'bait' dogs in dog training. Now I am worried.

How can I scout this woman out to be sure this dog will be going to a safe home?

I was posting mainly to find the owner and posted almost nothing about this dogs tempermant or personality. This woman asked no questions about the dog just asked if he is still available and where do I live.

September losses

October 10th, 2008 at 04:23 pm

I just received my IRA statement for the month of September...I lost $19,800. About 9% is gone. I shoulda-woulda-coulda but keep reminding myself that this stock drop is a concern for people close to retirement- I have time to wait for the gain. Or that's what people tell me and I choose to believe them.

I don't have time to blog now- but suddenly some new financial road bumps have come up. Or- not new road bumps- OLD road bumps are back. More about that later though.

Found a dog on the side of the road

October 9th, 2008 at 11:41 am

Driving to the gym yesterday I found a dog on the side of the road. No collar. Super friendly. He did have a bowl of water and a pile of dry food though- weird. The area we were in was somewhat desolate with marshlands on either side of the road- a common place for dumping furniture, trash ext. I saw a dogs dead body dumped there about a year ago.

He (an unaltered he) jumped in the back of my jeep easily and I took him home. He washed up nicely and plays well with Casey. They actually love each other.

I put up some posters by where I found him in case he belongs to somebody.

Baseball boy was giving lessons when I came home and didn't come home himself for about an hour. He freaked out. He knew I want to keep the dog and he is totally against it. Saying I cant travel on the road with two dogs-he needs to be fixed-what if he is sick...

We did just spend nearly $400 for Casey last month- we don't have the expendable money to do that again right now.

I just feel that we DO still have so much to offer. We live in a good sized house, we DO have money- just that we were planning to use it towards other things- but when you see an animal, or someone who has NOTHING-you feel kind of ashamed for wanting to keep your money for whatever you want it for.

Keeping him is not an option. I cried so hard last night and BB was comforting, but firm. So he spent the night on our screened in back porch. After his exhausting day I hope he slept well. But he just woke me up at dawn trying to dig through the screen- so now I am up. Keeping an eye on him. If he damages the screen BB will be livid.

I promised to take him to the shelter today. Ironically, the same shelter we got Casey from 3 weeks ago. They are a no-kill and BB assures me the dog will get adopted quickly. I am clueless about his breeding but he's a medium hair dog with perky ears and he is very social. Seems like an excellent family dog. I just hope a family comes by soon looking for a dog....

wedding venting

October 8th, 2008 at 01:49 am

Poor Baseball boy-

One of his very close friends from high school just called to say he will not be attending our destination wedding in GA in 3 weeks because he is broke.

This is not unusual. This has been the mantra that I have been hearing the last few months. The price of gas for planes, hotel rooms, adds up. I understand.

HOWEVER, this guy should be coming. He makes almost 100k a year and lived in his parents basement for years saving while he worked. A few years ago he bought a townhouse for 400k.

And his story continues like every overextended American. He called talking about how he bought the place with no money down, the arm just reset,yada yada.

Poor boy. He drives a BMW. And he cant afford to fly down because he just took his GF to south Florida and lost almost a thousand dollars gambling....

So all those financial things combined with our wedding in a few weeks and all those associated costs...he just cant come.

Now here is the kicker- We sent a Save the Date to him a YEAR AND A HALF ago. And BB has been dating me almost 9 it's not like this wedding was in danger of being canceled. Then we sent him a detailed letter explaining transportation options, hotel options ext. in July. Then he received the invitation last month.

BB was in a close knit high school group of 4 guys...1 canceled because he has arranged to go on vacation with his GF to Disney the same weekend???...and now this. So 2 guys will be there- which seems worse somehow- that the richest guy of the group is bailing here.

And financially this sucks for BB and me. We pre-booked an entire 25 room bed and breakfast for the wedding for the whole weekend to ensure that our guests would all stay in the same place, and it would be cozy and romantic for everyone. Well the inn charges $200-$250 per room a night (plus tax)- but BB and I know none of our friends can afford that- so we told everyone the inn costs $100 a night and we plan to cover the rest of the cost. We paid 12k to the inn anticipating $4400 back (each room generates $200 back minus the bridal party that we are covering in full). Now people are dropping like flies and we are covering the full cost of the empty rooms. Frown 5 empty rooms and counting....

I cant help it. I am ANGRY. I feel like I am stuck paying for this guy because he chose to be irresponsible with money and lives a lavish life. He promised us he was coming- we counted on it and now we're stuck paying...kind of like the Great American Bailout on a personal scale.

And to think that everyone is Sooo excited when they are invited and you cut friends off the invitation list because there is no room...and now I have 1 friend from high school who is not speaking to me because she was not invited, and now we have about 20 people who are not coming!!Grrr...

Wedding planning is not fun anymore

Sorry just had to vent

My friend is worried about me

October 5th, 2008 at 11:15 pm

I went out to lunch with a friend of mine today. We have been friends a few years now. She has said to me on numerous occasions that I can do better than Baseball boy and to think long and hard before really walking down the isle. I don't mind- I know she is looking out for me- actually her reasoning is flattering.

She is truly concerned that we will always be in the poorhouse and my life will never match the potential I have to do better.

It's a bit hard to explain here- but I'm gonna try. Her standard for "I have a successful life" is my version of "I have so much money I am not sure what to do with it all." Lucky for her- she has got great job skills and is used to making over a 100k a year when she is working. So she's not a piner (but I wannnttt itttt!) she just buys it if she wants it. And she dates men who can afford her.

She and I get along real well so she has no problem being honest with me. So last year she sat me down and expressed that she is concerned BB and I will be poor for the rest of our lives. The same questions lots of friends ask me, and I ask myself sometimes; "When is this baseball going to pay off or end? When is a REAL job in your future?" But she always ends this conversation with, "Are you SURE you want to marry this guy?" Not-"what are you guys gonna do?" It's not a 'how-will-you-guys-together-survive?' question. It's a 'you-can-still-get-out now.' question.

Today she was like, "You know your so pretty-why are you settling down now? Don't you want to have a boat, or a big house?...what is it that you like about BB?"

In her heart of hearts, she thinks we are headed for divorce- because BB does not have any potential to provide the lifestyle that I could have with someone else. And I will eventually realize I could be living a much more comfortable life with someone other than BB.

A few times when I talk of buying a house or some big commitment thing- she goes-"Oh Gamecock- don't get a house together-if you guys break up..." And when she talks of us breaking up, I DO get offended. BB and I have never been rocky in our relationship since I have known her. He and I have never gotten into a big fight or anything, and I have nothing to really complain about BB to her except petty things, like "he annoyed me today because he used all the gas in my car." -Plus-she has only met him once! So it's not like she does not like him on a personal level.So when she predicts we will break up I do get offended. But other times when she deeply questions why I am marrying him, I know it's just her being concerned.

She truly does not understand why I choose to be with a poor man when I can have a rich one. I have tried to explain that I'm not concerned about the financial future because right now we live off less than 30k a year-combined. Literally- we have nowhere to go but earn more money. And we are comfortable right now. Sure we don't have everything we want. Sure we do pine for things- but if we can comfortably live off no money now- we will feel like we are rolling in dough when we start really pulling in money.So if money is the #1 cause of breakups- and we have not broken up by now- I think we're good. Plus I look at her and she has a combined household income of over 200k a year (living with her BF) and is equally comfortable in her life as I am in mine. She has dreams of buying things she cant afford too!

My friend does not get that. She has told me she supported my dating when he had potential to make the big leagues- but now she does not get why I stay with him.
She thinks I am settling for a mediocre life when I could have her life.

But I think her concern is more reflective of her. Her easy dismissal of the way BB loves me and the fun life that I get to live because of him makes me wonder what her relationships are like. I wonder if her relationships do not have the level of understanding, caring and happiness that BB and I have- or she would not be so easily dismissing the fact that I have those elements in my life. (After all, finding a guy who truly loves you and cares about you is the hardest guy to find.) I think she thinks she has it all, but actually sacrifices some personal needs for material needs and believes her relationship is the way everyone elses is.

She thinks the way her life is- is the way everyone's life is. (weird sentence right there BTW) And of course life is not like that, so I just brush off her concern as her issue.

I'm not sure why I am bringing it up in this blog. The fact that she is concerned for me is not on my mind- it's more that she does not understand how I am ok living like this. It's more that I am starting to wonder if she thinks I am a loser because not only do I not have the money she does- but I am kind of rejecting the best option I have available to have that kind of money in my life. I have always had her respect- but she does equate money with brains and now that BB clearly isnt going to the majors- I wonder if her outlook of me will change. I know she respects ambition. She has plenty of it. And I don't have it.

You know when you see an attractive girl with a sloppy man and just think "what does she see in him??"- I think that's the way my friend see's my relationship with BB now that he has no major league prospects.

Am I way laid back to dismiss her concern, or am I supposed to make some snarky remark to shut her up?

wedding screw up

October 2nd, 2008 at 06:54 pm

Last night I got a message from my wedding planner marked "final notice." "Uh-oh, what's this?" I thought. Turns out she has been emailing me for 2 MONTHS to get my final payment for her services and I never got a single email.

I had assumed the final payment was due on the day of the wedding-guess not.

Oddly enough I explained to her I did not get any of the emails and she attached about 4 emails she had sent me that never came through. I had once emailed her with a question and never got a response-she did email me a response that never went through! (And here I had been thinking she was a stinky planner.)

So of course she wants her $500 payment immediately. I have $214 in the bank right now. She wont take CC, but says I can paypal her. Sounds good to me.

I open the invoice- she is charging me an EXTRA $125 in late fees! It was my responsibility to get her payment- so I assumed I have no argueing power and pay it. Then she wants an extra 3% of the total $625 payment for paypal fees! Jeez. Cant I catch a break? I was already thinking she is definately NOT WORTH her 1k she's nearly $1200.

I just wish she had called me. Maybe after the second email got no response. She has my number.

And I have been so good paying vendors IN FULL when I can just so I don't need to worry about payment dates.

Lesson learned. These vendors want you to be late so they can charge like crazy. So today I went ahead and emailed the location site asking when they need their 6k. I knew it was 1 month before the wedding but had been waiting to get an email from them before I volunteered my credit card. Now I learned. But the lady was nice and told me to pay her when I arrive in town for the wedding.

Stupid overpriced wedding. I'm really over it. I really hope it is great because at this point I am just writing check after check and seeing nothing but a bunch of expensive promises.

The housing bubble just hit home for me

October 1st, 2008 at 04:08 pm

So...last week I read a post where a blogger (I forget who) looked at current real estate prices and commented that some properties had lost $200,000 in value from 2 years ago.

This got me thinking. I had to sell my mother's townhouse after her death in the Boston suburbs in 2006.

The property was purchased by a young, single real estate agent who was taking advantage of the fact that I had to sell fast. -he was just a year or so older than me! I was annoyed he could afford the place when I couldnt.($2,400 mortgage payments were not possible for me to sustain very long.)I was royally annoyed at the buyer because my selling price was 10k below any other townhouse listed price in the community- and it was one of the most upgraded townhouses in the community- and he got the property for 13k below the asking price- AND he got 3% commission fee because he was the realtor acting on behalf of the buyer!

Anyways- I was annoyed because he made some comment about holding it a few months and then selling it for a profit. I was still all wrapped up in the "Real estate only appreciates! Real estate is the biggest money maker ever!" that I had been hearing for the last 3 years. So selling BELOW asking price really offended me.

Well- Sure enough it was for sale 4 months later. Listed for 20k more than he bought it for!

Then price reduced. Then price reduced again.Then the price reduced to the buyers buying price. And the pictures showed a cleared out space. No furniture. He had moved out. I stopped checking it at that time. He was not going to make money off of me. That was good enough revenge for me.

I just went online. Wouldn't you know it- the dang thing is for sale again! And it's MY realtor who is selling it again! New furniture in many of the pictures- so not the original buyer. And it is LISTED for 101k below what I sold it for! Just in 2 years it has changed owners 3 times and lost 100k in value. That blows my mind. Thank GOD I did not try and hold onto that place.

-But my old realtor is using a few pics from when he sold it from me. The kitchen and study has my mom's furniture in them. Same pictures. Huh. weird.

30% sale on all clearance items at Dillards Dept store today

October 1st, 2008 at 01:07 pm

Disapointing new yesterday on many fronts:

The house BB and I really like is under contract. Not our contract. I knew that 40k price drop would work against us.

After now tracking our spending 2 months in a row it is clear I need to get a full time- never travel on the road with BB again- job if we want to buy a house.

After tracking our spending 2 months in a row it is clear we will need to put down 30% if we buy a house. About $30,000 more needed.

After going to the mall to buy BB a dress shirt, tie and shoes for his wedding attire...he (once again) is too tall for the normal department stores and we had to go to a discount chain for his shirt. I feel bad that on his wedding day he does not get to wear a quality fabric. The material is just not right on this dress shirt. Good news though- we got the shoes 70% off! They were on clearance and the saleslady gave us the sale price for a sale starting today (extra 30% off) because of the upcoming occasion...Starting today all clearance items at Dillards Department store are an extra 30% off by the way!

Thats all.