Home > hmmm....(house buying related)

hmmm....(house buying related)

October 12th, 2008 at 07:58 pm

This weekend Baseball boy's father came to visit us for a few days. Psychologically /Emotionally it was a bit topsy-turvy.

BB's dad has always made me defensive when it comes to the home buying thing. In the past he has dismissed our desire to buy a home by saying that owning a home is a huge responsibility. He acts like he views us as kids who cant function without his help. Maybe he doesnt think this- but I am so sensitive to feeling dependent on a person that my radar for picking up comments like that is razor sharp.

If I didn't actually need his help I would never even include him in the purchasing plan. Just to save myself the irritation of being talked to like a child. But he is the only 'adult' I regularly talk to, whose opinion I respect and I know he has useful information stored in his brain that I need.

As soon as the topic of house buying came up he starts off with a laundry list of things we have to do to 'educate' ourselves before starting to look for a house. Which would be fine- if we had not been preparing to buy a house for the past 3 years and the advice he was giving us such as "School systems are important for resale value" was information that can be heard on HGTV everyday. I was irritated to no end. I took it to mean that he believes we just woke up and said "I think I want to buy a house today".

To hurry up this irritating part of the conversation, I was like, "I know-I know all that." So he then starts up with a list of personal roadblocks for us to consider, "well you need a garage, I would be worried about your jeep."- These comments continued to irritate me- does he think I am going to spend over 20k on a brand new vehicle and then just completely forget to accomodate the vehicle when house hunting? My jeep has actually been a focal point in our house search this whole time. But he just starts in assuming we never thought about this stuff.

Then comes the financial roadblock. "you guys cant afford it. Right now with the economy as it is, you need 25% to put down." To which I was able to reply to him we have almost 40k to use as a down payment. That honestly gave him pause. He was silent- trying to find a point to argue. He came up with nothing.

Then suddenly the whole topic changed course. He started asking ME questions about our plan. He started saying optimistic lines like, "now is a good time to buy a house." And from then on the conversation flowed about how to get us into a house.

Then! Later that night I got the information I knew he had and I was patiently waiting for. He found us a way to add $17,000 extra on our down payment!

He assured me the $7500 tax break is applicable to us, and explained to me how I can pull $10,000 out of my IRA TAX FREE for our 1st home purchase.

Then it was all talk of how "now is the best time to buy a place, we will never get a shot at this again with having the power to negotiate and take advantage of interest rates..." So now he is on board with us 100% and even wanted to meet the realtor with us to look at houses together.

The whole tone changed over the weekend. Before he was treating us like we were about to make a huge mistake and we needed him to babysit us just to protect us from our own ignorance, then suddenly he became so excited that he wants to help us!

I find it frustrating that it was the down payment that changed his mind. We have been saving for 3 years. That means he spent the last 3 years thinking we were foolishly wasting money. While we were saving he was judging us for being broke thinking we were just bad with money.

Yeah -BB was guilty of using his dad's CC sometimes- leading Dad to feel he was supporting us and he was keeping us in a lifestyle unaffordable to us- and that has been a battle keeping BB off that card- but did Dad really think BB was charging fuel and groceries because we were spending our income on stupid stuff?

Did Dad really think this whole time that were just saying we wanted to buy a house and not doing anything about accomplishing the goal?


12 Responses to “hmmm....(house buying related)”

  1. Myrtle Says:

    My guess would be that Baseball Boy's dad really loves and cares for both of you! As a parent of adult children in your age bracket I worry about my children but yet at the same time are proud of them for what they are acomplishing. Your soon to be father-in-law probably just wants to feel needed. I would suggest that you try to be patient with him. I am sure father-in-law is really quite proud of you and is thankful you will be soon be his daughter-in-law!! Best wishes for your coming wedding. Take care.

  2. gamecock43 Says:

    Yes. I think he is proud of us overall. But we have nothing to show for ourselves. I want to him to have a reason to be proud of us! I want to have a chance to actually use my brain and really accomplish something.

  3. fern Says:

    It sounds like he was just trying to present both the pros and the cons, starting with the cons, that's all.

  4. scfr Says:

    Dazzle him with your brilliance.

    Say something like: "Now, it is my understanding that this so-called tax credit is actually an interest-free loan that must be paid back within 15 years or when we sell the house. We will have to repay Uncle Sam at a rate of $500 per year. While having a loan interest-free will be nice, it's not like the government is just going to hand us $7,500. Do you still think it makes sense for us to go ahead now?" And if he asks you how you know so darn much, just refer him to question #16 at this link:
    Text is and Link is

  5. gamecock43 Says:

    Yes I actually knew all that! But I didnt say it as eloquently as you just put it. I just said "I hear we have to pay it back within 15 yrs or by the time we sell the house." And he didnt know that. So then the topic moved on.

  6. homebody Says:

    I'm sure our SIL half hates us. We try to keep ourselves from telling him and YD what to do, but we are so used to the girls coming to us for advice on EVERYTHING that it just comes naturally to us. DH must get used to having another man in the family! The latest thing was this weekend with their need to purchase a "new" car. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but thought I was just talking to YD. I realized she had me on speaker phone when I said, "I could call some places for you, but I'm sure SIL doesn't want me to". YD said, "He's shaking his head right now". We LOVE our daughters, SIL and granddaughter as I am sure baseball boy's dad loves you guys. It is really hard to realize your kids are grown and can make decisions on their own. I am getting better every day, but still have a ways to go!

    But hey I've been married 30 years and still find my MIL irritating so you can totally ignore the above. Ha ha.

  7. baselle Says:

    Probably the big thing that has happened is that real estate prices have gone down. A bit. Smile

  8. merch Says:

    I think up to this point, your future FIL has been financing BB's lifestyle. Probably in his mind he's thinking how can these two afford a house when I am still paying some of their bills.

    I also think that it was out of love that he didn't want you to buy a house. He didn't want it to be a burden on you and BB.

    With that said, you basically turned his world upside down. You proved that you had thought this out and are prepared.

    I would take it as this: You have a FIL that loves the both of you, that wants the best, and is comfortable enough with you two to say what he truly believes. I also think that he has a new found respect for you.

  9. monkeymama Says:

    Agreed with everyone. He just had his assumptions wrong (way wrong). I think the down payment thing shocked him. But proved you had thought about it and were much more ready than he realized.

  10. Broken Arrow Says:

    Well, I'm not going to lie. I'd probably talk like that to my kids too (but they are certainly much younger than you are). A house really is quite a responsibility.

    HOWEVER! That doesn't mean you can't do it. But, since he didn't know about your funds earlier, he probably didn't mean anything bad by it. Anyway, if you can, this is indeed a buyer's market.

    Yeah, for Roth IRA accounts, after 5 years, you're allowed to pull out an additional 10k in earned interest (along with any or all of your contributions) to pay towards a house down payment.

    It's an idea that I am keeping in mind with my Roth as well, but not until much later.

  11. mbkonef Says:

    I agree with most of the others. It sounds like he loves his son, and you and just wants to make sure you know what you are doing. It sounds like your saving up the down payment showed him how seriously you both have been taking this. Maybe that is all it took to convince him, especially if his son had been guilty in the past of letting him "finance" his lifestyle somewhat by using his credit card occasionally. I always tell me kids they need to show me by their behaviors, not their words. I think you two saving up for the down payment is showing him how serious you really are.

  12. whitestripe Says:

    i have a similar situation with BF's grandfather - i try to steer clear of money talks with him, but sometimes it comes along as a subject and he talks as if he knows everything, and won't either give me a chance to say anything, or listen to anything i have to say if i do! he thinks i don't know anything about money. it can be veeeery frustrating, especially as he is a lovely man in every single other way!

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