I am trying to get my fiance to be more financially minded. He fights me on it but has made some progress. In return I have learned some communication skills and reasoning coming from the male mind (more like a version of a 4 yr old. "But I wannttt itttt!")
*I introduced the concept of No Spend Days to him over the summer. He discounted the theory until I started challenging him by saying "Lets have a NSD today." So now he has grown to hate NSD rather than feel they are empowering- as I do. ("See commercialism- you are not as smart as you thought with your pretty colors, gimmicky ads and giant signs.") So I need to change that association from hate to love. That was a mistake on my part. The progress is that when I suggest a NSD (about 2x a month)- we have a LOW spend Day. Generally just 1 thing will be purchased. So that is progress. Goal is to have a NSD (a true one) every week.
* I introduced the concept of 'financial freedom' to him rather than 'budget'. He gets confused and calls it 'financial independance' and it makes me laugh. But I think he liked that term. I need to work it into our everyday vocabulary more.
* I THOUGHT this gigantic wedding was a good stopper for all spending "we are not buying a pizza because I am paying over $20,000 for this wedding next month!" - and for about 2 weeks it did stop the unneccessary spending. - but yesterday he pulls the "If you can spend $20,000 for a wedding- whats one lousy pizza going to do?"...and I was unprepared for that. I had no answer. We got the pizza. Afterward I felt bloated and fat and told him I wished we had never gotten it. He felt the same way. sigh.
SOMEONE on this board had a GREAT idea of posting something on their fridge to 'show' the husband what was being spent, or how the small purchases were draining the account- and I cant remember the idea! If anyone knows it, please share. I remember thinking it would work for BB...but then forgot about it. ...maybe I will create a spread sheet with the total balance of our house deposit..and include all deductions made from that account to see how this pizza is affecting things. Problem is we rarely deduct from that account...hmmm.
me and my fiance and our money outlooks
September 23rd, 2008 at 01:11 pm
September 23rd, 2008 at 01:23 pm 1222176212
If you want to have some fun, why not put your (collective) goals on the fridge in the shape of a thermometer and color them in every time you add to that saving goal. The reason for cutting expenses is right in front of him and he can see the progress. So instead of pizza, you could say we could put that towards one of our savings goal (house, wedding, vacation, new Louisville slugger, whatever).
The point is that the goals are right there, everyone is on the same page, and it improves communication without nagging.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:15 pm 1222179303
I recently discovered that many wedding vendors will not take CC- so I am going to need to withdraw about $2500 from our downpayment to cover that. And also a portion of our downpayment $ is in an eBay money market...and we occasionally deduct from that to purchase things on ebay.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:19 pm 1222179585
Gamecock and Baseball boy's House Downpayment Balance
Date eBay account WAMU Account Total Balance
8/10/07...$4,000........$20,000.......$24,000
8/16/07...$3,000........$20,000.......$23,000
8/19/07...$3,900........$20,000.......$23,900
This way he can SEE our progress and setbacks...rather than just ME seeing everything.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:28 pm 1222180119
So, I guess for the Ebay money market money, I would split that into 2 envelopes. One would be your house fund and the other would be your ebay money. That way you can use your ebay money without touching your down payment money. You might want to split it in to 3 and put aside some for the wedding. And once the wedding is over, just roll that back into the house fund.
This way every dollar has one purpose (house, wedding, and ebay). I think your house fund is more of just a big savings account that's a little ambiguous right now. I think virtually separating the money, it will help you to clarify the purpose and reduce the volatility in your thermometers.
I use Mvelopes, which is a little pricey, but other people use YNAB and Excel sheets. So, you don't have to be fancy.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:31 pm 1222180262
It would stay constant at $23k. Just my thoughts, and redues the set backs.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:42 pm 1222180939
So the envelope system is a VIRTUAL system?! I have heard people discussing envelope system forever and thought they were using 'real' envelopes that they store at their house!
Each of my accounts is a type of envelope- its just that I am not always so desciplined with them....And with Baseball boy not SEEING our money, he is in the dark and going off the last numbers we talked about, which could have been over a month beforehand.
Me SEEING the money everyday online combined with this blog really curbs my spending. He does not have either luxury- so this chart will help him (I hope).
Because when he states a 'want' as a 'need' I think he thinks its an insignificant purchase and will come from this ginormous account. Now he will see the 'wants' and how they impact the 'ginormous account.'
-But I get what you are saying about 'no withdrawing from the house fund at all!' for almost 3 yrs there were NO withdrawals- then I withdrew to pay off my credit card and now it seems like a free for all with that account. So far there isthe 'promise' to payback $3500 to it...plus the $2500 I will deduct for the wedding...oiy- pandoras box.
September 23rd, 2008 at 02:50 pm 1222181419
September 23rd, 2008 at 03:11 pm 1222182705
Anyway ...
Take the goal (like the house downpayment fund) and translate it in to a baseball diamond (for example: 1st base = $10K saved, 2nd base = $20K saved, etc). Have a little cut-out "baseball boy" that will gradually move around the bases as you save more and more. I suppose a "9 innings" chart would work too, but the little baseball diamond would be cute!
September 23rd, 2008 at 03:52 pm 1222185138
Just the other day, NT said he bought a movie on eBay (this is fine in our family, you just deposit the amount the next day). He said, "I paid with PayPal, and there was already some eBay money in there, so it just took it out of that." I said that was OK, that money was going to go into the checking account soon anyway. He said, "Well, do you want me to pay for it?" I said "Yes, but I'll go in half, because I wanted us to own that movie too." He said, "Or, could we just not worry about it since it came out of PayPal money that we didn't have anyway?" I said, "No, because I knew how much was in the Paypal account and I've already allocated it for other things." He looked exasperated, and I felt exasperated, but we both got over it quick.
Just two different ways of looking at things, but he totally wants to get out of debt and have a good nest egg someday, so he defers to me in budget matters. I'm always transparent with my thinking on money, though, so he doesn't think I can spend the money however I please while he has to scrimp and save his spending money. And if he wants something, I don't say no. If it's important to him it's important to me. I say, "Let's look at the budget and see if we can find a way to afford it." Sometimes we can, other times we just have to say we'll save for it. Still others he decides it's not worth worrying about.
September 23rd, 2008 at 04:13 pm 1222186401
SCFR- I like your chart idea- I'm gonna figure something out. That way wecan move the figure back and forth as we encounter setbacks. And he will get as frusterated as I do when we are further behind than we were a month before sometimes!
September 23rd, 2008 at 04:16 pm 1222186569
September 23rd, 2008 at 04:21 pm 1222186863
September 23rd, 2008 at 04:26 pm 1222187181
September 23rd, 2008 at 05:47 pm 1222192041
LOL - Well then, a "Progress to a No-Hitter" Chart???
Glad I'm married to a golfer .... under par = under budget ... over par = over budget ... very easy to translate.
September 23rd, 2008 at 06:03 pm 1222192993
The system Merch referred to is a program called Mvelopes (www.mvelopes.com), which reproduces the envelope budgeting method virtually. So people like me who use CCs and debit cards can still use the envelope system. I'm a huge fan of Mvelopes and it is by far the best thing that has happened to my personal finances. But as Merch said, you could build your own envelope system with Excel, or get You Need a Budget, which is cheaper than Mvelopes.
September 23rd, 2008 at 08:13 pm 1222200835
September 23rd, 2008 at 09:10 pm 1222204240
i also have trouble trying to get him to stop small purchases - he will want to buy a magazine, or something for our fishtank, or a knicknack of some kind, and i will say 'think about adding it to your home loan deposit' and he will say 'it's only two bucks' and i will say 'yes but it adddddds uuuuup! two dollars times twenty is forty dollars...!'
and then he will shrug and buy it anyway!
argh!