Gamecock's Mind over Money

Well, I listed about 10 items on ebay yesterday, 3 of the low priced items have a bid so far. The little lion cub Swarovski piece pictured in yesterday's blog has a bid too! 1 person asked me to do a layaway if she bids on one of the expensive items. No problem with that.

She has purchased from me before. I dont think she can really afford to purchase the item (when she purchased from me previously she had to sell some items before she could pay me..and alluded to her husband not allowing her to use paypal.)So it's a bit of an ethical problem. I saw what my mom did (buying useless items using money she didnt really have and later crying about it)and I dont want to contribute to the cycle. But I justify it as- my items are listed on ebay for about 20% of the original price. Even though it's still several hundred dollars- it's a fraction of what this woman would pay in a store. So she IS getting a very good deal- even if it is still a useless item.

So now I am going to start selling my mom's Limoges collection. Anyone know about these? They are little pill boxes originally made in France that royalty had. Now they are still hand painted (I think?) but produced in several different factories (I think?) even though they are still signed "Limoges France". My question is- how do you tell the valuble ones from the cheap ones? There are literally hundreds of thousands of different styles so its impossible to see what an exact limoge is selling for on ebay. Prices range between $5 and $200. Some are signed 'Peint Main' and some are unsigned. Experts seem to know the difference because I listed 2 limoges yesterday- 1 has a bid already and 10 watchers...the other only has 3 watchers. My mom was the type to buy some REALLY high end pieces and then fill the rest of the collection with 'filler' pieces.

I tried to do some reaserch on the limoges, but their royal history is all I could find. I dont know what artists are sought after (some are initialed by the artist) or what shapes are valuble.

Anyone care to educate me- pass it on.

Starting up the eBay today. I have not had time since I have been in FL due to BB's knee surgery (healing well) and you know how men are. Giving a hundred orders at once and constantly bored.

Anyways- we finally got him some medicine that blocks the pain enough for him to sleep- so today is eBay day.

I plan to build back up that house fund I depleted last month to pay off the credit card.

I am a bit frusterated because I am still selling off my moms possessions on ebay-only now I am relisting what has not sold previously and this leaves me doubting about the item selling this time around.

So I just listed two Big ticket items for just over 20% of their original price- and even at that price I am doubtful they will sell. The economy is keeping people from purchasing luxury items or spending alot of money on their purchases.

When I first started to eBay her stuff 3 years ago the economy was booming and her things were ALL selling, for at least 65% of the original price.

Dumb me held back the REALLY big ticket items because I figured that selling other items would give me experience and feedback to get an even better return on the expensive stuff.

Then eBay turned a corner. To many sellers. Economy going downhill. Slowly the listing price increased, slowly I started getting the frusterated feeling from listing an item- paying the listing fee-only to have it not sell.

So I pulled off ebay about 1.5 yrs ago. I decided to wait for the economy to turn around. hahaha -since then I have listed a few items around christmas with some luck.

Now I realize I dont have time to wait for the economy to come back. All these items in the house drive me crazy. And its a nuisence keeping the items clean and being so careful around the breakable items...which is most of them.

So I guess selling for some money plus earning intrest in the bank may end up equaling money made off the item if I wait for the economy to come back.

Ok, break over. Back to eBay.

Ahhh...thanks for the support! It is a weird topic and I already feel 'icky' about having told people about it.

But now that it's out, I'm gonna VENT about Rule #2. 'Do not tell anyone about it.' I did not know about this rule- and the basic upheaval of the death combined with the basic mind blowing thought of "oh my god...I am a millionaire"...caused me to feel the need to talk to my friends about this change in my life. And the unexpected (but logical) outcome for having broken rule #2.

I have always been a big saver- never wanted to spend money- always wanted to collect or save it. Baseball boy has loosened me up alot as he comes from a 'money comes and goes-enjoy it'- mentality. And actually how quickly I do adapt to the nicer things in life scare me. Once I discover something I really like- I can’t go back!

Anyways- well, my saving mentality was never a problem till I got an inheritance. I was always the girl who was "good with money." Then suddenly my friends are calling me a 'scrooge' for complaining of the cost of this or not wanting to pay for that. My best friend (who is broke broke broke but accepts that she is bad with money and really tries not to care that she is in debt) told me that I "am a bit of a scrooge" because I was worried the wedding is getting out of hand. (It did get out of hand- but no one was able to help me stop it- they just kept piling on the suggestions and expectations because I could afford it.)
And my other best friend said "oh-we all know you can afford it Gamecock, you just don’t want to pay for it" when I was telling her about how something was too expensive in my opinion.

Comments like that- from my good friends- just shut me up. I can no longer complain or talk about money, or the price of things- period. Difficult for me because money is like a hobby for me.

And I wonder (think) their expectations of me and what I do has changed. I am suddenly the girl that all my friends think can do all the fun things they want to do. "I'm going to Vegas in a few months-will you come with me?" "Let’s go to the Spa!" "Hey- when are you going to come visit me already?" -I admit in the first year- I did go to Vegas. I did go visit several friends. I even flew one friend to another friends place across the country so we could all meet up together. (In my defense- it was a central city between all our states) But I quickly saw how I could not keep that up. At all.

But my friends just see the initial amount- and it labeled me. If I keep up with all my friends wants-I will be broke broke broke. (I have more friends and the world has more fun things to do then I have money to make it all happen) I don’t want to be the tragic "Oh my god...how did she spend it all?" story- but no one is trying to keep me from being that story except myself. (And Baseball boy supports my resolution to save but does not comment if I spend.)

And now I fear I will ALWAYS be the million dollar girl-even when I am down to my last hundred dollars- it will be "Hey- why can’t you go with me to Mexico? What happened to all your money?" (Ummm...I spent it in Vegas with friend A, and California with friend B, and in New England with friend C.)...but since they are not financially minded- they don’t really think about compounding expenses. They don’t think that it's been three years- and maybe it's gone. Or half gone. Or that the stock market is falling falling falling...I am still a millionaire to everyone.

Everyone has great expectations for me. They think as I thought- that the money lasts or buys alot more than it does. Only they don’t get the reality check I got when I saw my balance statement after a few months of 'having fun.'

So in the last year or so I shut up about the cost of things. I stopped the extracurricular fun, and I have put the money out of sight and live off only a rental income I inherited. Baseball boy and I are trying to live normally off our own accomplishments. We live off our incomes, and I struggle to save for a home as everyone else does-I try to control my credit cards like everyone else-but life is still different for me. I have a security blanket (that I love!) that none of my other friends have. And so it has changed things. I wish I could have been more discreet in the beginning, this just changed my life, and not in the normal "I bought a mercedes' way. In a subtle way that is hard to pinpoint.

So....I have mentally bounced back and forth on a topic I have not discussed yet in this blog. I have not talked about it because...it changes things. And I like you guys, I like the 'online' person that I am, and I like my blog writing experience so far.

But sometimes I see others dealing with it, or read about their confusion and I KNOW it’s a psychologically changing event because I went through it myself. And just a bit ago I was commenting about this topic on the forums and now my mind is on the topic. Thinking back to my own experience reminds me how dramatically things can change from it. In the past, I have done a brief online search for this topic, but never found discussions about how it changes you, your life and the people around you, just financial education about it.

So...ugh. I hate this. I guess I will say it. Inheritance. That word is not so bad. BIG Inheritance. There. That’s my dirty little secret.

I guess I will spill the beans. I inherited about a million dollars about 3 years ago. Ugh. I hate admitting this.

So you all know my mom died. She was diagnosed as Bi-polar and was a wild and crazy shopper. But 11 years before my mom died, my dad died, and I don’t know how much $$ he left her, but based on vague references from her financial advisor and looking at bookwork and receipts, she spent well over half in the 11 years Dad was gone. Here’s my disclaimer - (I have learned to recognize peoples, or my own psychological, societal justifications.) I was pretty positive I would inherit debt. I never knew what my mom started out with, but I knew she was spending a lot more than she was making- she blew through my inheritance from my dad-(I was a young minor so she could) so I never counted on any money from my family and lived a very frugal life (away from her) and pictured a very frugal future. (See- I justify why I deserve this money- I actually feel the need to explain my actions to make myself feel better about getting the money- you see how inheritances can just mess someone up?)

So her getting cancer when I can barely tolerate her-her dying within a few weeks- me being there only for the last 2 weeks- then getting a pile of money and a pile of legal/financial/probate/real estate confusion on top of sorting through my families EVERYTHING and learning a lot about deceased family members- it just messed me up. Hard core.

I WISH that it was a topic that I could have looked up online (because I looked) like mental disorders, grief,inheretance money issues are available...but all that rolled into one topic that talks about how it changes YOUR LIFE- not really discussed.

My friends have not had to go through it yet...but my friendships have changed as a result of my going through it.I learned a lot, and regret a lot. Maybe I was young and immature and that inheritances are normally handled very well, I wouldn’t know- because I am the only person I know that this happened to- but since I am in a sentimental mood- I will outline a few BIG lessons I learned, and also constantly break along the way. I have stories to tell- and just plain "I don’t understand why that happened or what I was thinking" moments- but that would make for a long blog post.

To start are the cardinal rules that work for me-(not that they are easy to stick to) but they seem to be a universal truth- they always work for me in every situation. And if I ever went through it again (I wont- but Baseball boy will-maybe in the next 10 yrs) I would read these every day before going out into the world.

P.S. I know that the logical side of your brain is wondering where the money is-NO I DID NOT SPEND IT ALL ON BOATS AND CARS!!!Lol. After paying $76,000 in bills from my mom- I bought a new car that I plan to keep forever- $23,000. I took a few vacations -$3,000. This wedding monstrosity that I already regret- $21,000. And the rest is in the declining stock market and real estate market that has me in tears every month. So it is steadily declining...but not by my hand. It took a good 2.5 yrs to develop and stick to a plan, but Baseball boy and I have the rest planned for retirement. It's been a long road getting there though.

Lessons learned:
1. Do not make a single financial decision for a long time. It's ok to sell a property that is losing money and you just inherently 'know' you need to get rid of ASAP- but everything else should wait. If you are unsure about something or it's a possession that is not increasing/decreasing in value- hold onto it for a year.

2. Do not tell anyone about it. (You SEE how I break these rules?) The less people know about it the better. You will need to vent/ and complain as well as brag and say 'Oh my god' then do it online annoyminously (See-I redeemed myself.) EVERYTHING changes when there is a change in affluence in your status. Especially when it is 'free money' from an inheretance.

3. Research. Everything. People come out of the woodwork to sell you things and manipulate you. They have methods of knowing who you are. I don’t know how they know it, but they do.

4.You will want to give it away. I dont know why. Money guilt. Not educationaslly bright. Thinking the amount is larger than it is (as in, it will last longer, buy more than it does). You will even pay more for an item than it is worth, or pay for items you dont want for stupid reasons. (The salesman is cute, you feel bad because the person works on commission and they have a family to feed, the store is going out of buisiness and your money will make a difference in the workers lives) So unless you are aware of this- you will lose a portion of it to generosity that suddenly apears within you.

5. Declutter your life. Paperwork, learning things, life experiences are overwhelming and the more you can throw away, give away the better. But don’t give/throw away anything you are unsure about! See number 1.

6. Accept that you will contradict yourself and confuse others. You’re in a dazed state of mind even when you think you are thinking clearly. YOU ARE NOT!

7. Money guilt. It’s a powerful, powerful thing. I can’t even go there right now.

8.Pay attention to your standard of living...it goes up quickly and it is hard to bring back down...make sure your lifestyle doesn’t outpace your inheritance.

9. it’s a bit of a dirty word. This inheritance thing. America is built on the premise of 'pulling yourself up by your bootstraps' and 'working your way to the top' and people respect you less if they know where your money comes from. But they won’t admit it. Maybe you will respect yourself less- I know I do.

10. Don’t rely on it. It will make you feel less powerful, less accomplished, less valued and less everything. Working hard and 'earning' something is truly the only way you appreciate things and like yourself.

11. Create a long term plan for it. Not right away and not in one conversation-with anybody! Do not commit to any plan right way. Discuss options with people you trust or need to discuss it with. But wait a year to commit to anything. But have a short term plan before the long term plan. Money earmarked for something- even if it’s earmarked to sit tight until the 1 yr mark and long term plan is made- is safe. Money sitting somewhere until you create a long term plan will get spent. Things will come up, decisions will be made- it will be gone. And when you have big money sitting around its harder to see the 'need' from the 'want'.

Thats it. For now. I'm tired.

Thank you all for your supportive comments about our new dog. She is great- nothing to complain about.

She's a little 'rough around the edges'- typical new dog stuff. Not coming when called, jumping up, pulling (or dragging) when on the leash. Nothing big, I just need to be careful not to get annoyed about these things. Dogs dont start out as well behaved as our last one finished up.

We took Casey to the vet today to find a host of problems. The vet said we had no luck at all adopting this one-and I am torn. (We're keeping the dog...I dont believe in tearing an animals life apart for money that would get spent on other 'wants' anyways.)...but the vet seems to think we will be visiting alot.

I kind of think we are a bit stupid taking on the regular expenses of a new pet, then accepting additional expenses because this new dog has problems.

Anyways-
She has a major ear infection

She has pretty severe allegies and will
be on a daily medicine for her whole life.

She is on extra medicine now to clear up an allergy attack she recently got.

She has some type of ingrown hair issue around her mouth, that the hair will bleed regularly?

She has eye problems. Her eyelids turn inward so the hair scratches her cornea and unless it is surgically fixed, she will constantly have ulcers on her eye. (Funny thing is- the SPCA performed surgery on her eyes last year to correct the problem.) But the vet said the surgery didnt work.

And her teeth are in bad shape.

The vet wants to see her again in 2 weeks to check on her allergies.

I asked the vet that since she will be living indoors, and have regular care- maybe her issues will clear up a bit? And the vet said not to count on it.

All these problems made Baseball boy MORE in love with her. (Which is good.) He optimistically said "well, its not like she has diabetes or something." Which is true. I guess. So we are taking it one vet visit at a time. $180 today.

Maybe the allergies will clear up now that she lives indoors. We are waiting on the eyes to see if they irritate her (so far they dont seem to). Vet said that surgery is about 2k. And maybe some greenie treats will clean up her teeth.

So- thats the doggie update. Right now she is peacefully sleeping on the couch-snoring.

Meet Casey. She is a 2 yr old red Pitt Bull/ Retriever/ Bull Terrier mix. We think.

Baseball boy and I went to the local SPCA yesterday looking for our new rottweiler, or pitt bull pup. Neither were available, and after looking at all dogs available, we decided to leave and come back to the shelter another day.

I really wanted a larger, intimidating looking dog. Baseball boy really wanted a rottweiler, or at least a dog younger than a year old.

As we were leaving we saw the red mix displayed above. She's certaintly no purebred of any type. And she's not young at 2 yrs old, but standing at attention, she looks intimidating.

I hestitated and commented to Baseball boy that she was nice. He nodded and we continued out the door. I got into the car, and as Baseball boy was getting in he turns around. Coming down the sidewalk is the red dog we saw inside and a SPCA volunteer. She had noticed our nod of approval at the dog and wanted to push the 'sale.'

Baseball boy politely bent down to pet the dog, while I waited in the car. This was suposed to be Baseball boy's choice, as he has the 'purebred' breeder mindset- that dogs from breeders are better than pound dogs- and if he was accomodating my insistance that we save a shelter dog- he gets free rein on what dog it is that we adopt. I can love anything.

After he talked to the volunteer a minute and did not get back in the car- I got out to pet the dog.

The poor girl has been in the shelter for 18 months! She was brought in as a stray with a collar embedded in her neck. She had surgery to have it removed, she had surgery on her eye that was damaged, she had parasites and multiple cuts. Now she has a huge scar encircling her neck, and multiple scars on her face.

She's really thin right now, but is 65 lbs, so her size and scars fits my request for a scary looking dog. She was there at the right time. Baseball boy was so desperate to have a dog again, we went ahead and adopted her right then.

I worried because we were trying to read each others intrest without 'talking' in front of the volunteer, and we were both giving signals like, "I like her, do you?" that we just kept taking the next step in the adoption process being like, "are you sure?"

But she has settled right into our routine. She is very quiet and well behaved.

I asked Baseball boy this morning why he liked her when she certaintly doesnt seem to be his dream dog- but he said her story touched him. Hearing of dogs that are chained up or wandering the streets injured are the two types of abuse that breaks his heart. For me, once I heard she was at the shelter 18 months- I knew she had to get out of there. It was obvious she was not a desirable dog because she had been overlooked for so long, and if we didnt take her, maybe no one would. I would hate to see a nice, friendly dog rejected by people for their entire life and never know what it is like to live comfortably.

So here she is with us now. She's not an attractive dog. She does not melt your heart with one of her puppy dog looks. But even the ugly dogs need love too. I look forward to the memories and bonding that are in store for us in the future. Wish us luck!

Well, the season is over for us. Baseball boy is coming back from a road trip tonight and then tomorrow we are driving back to Florida. I've got everything packed up, and thought I would take some time to post an update.
The season was pretty bad. Financially and performance-wise. But dont you know- these last few weeks in TX have been wonderful. Baseball boy only gave up 1 run since he has been here- the team defence and moral here is exceptionally better than our previous team. Baseball boy will be returning here again next year, unless something happens in the meantime...but we plan for him to be back here anyways.
So- on to our immediate future. Yes. I am staring at unemployment now. Baseball boy is getting knee surgery as soon as we are back in Florida...so thats a few weeks he is unable to do much. However- he has talked briefly with a coach from Puerto Rico who wants him for a winter ball team starting in early November. (Right after our wedding actually.) Winter ball has been an opportunity Baseball boy has been chasing since he went pro. It pays considerably well...but it's very difficult to get on a team. This is the closest he has come to having the chance to play winter ball but I cant allow my mind to go there yet. (kind of already has though.)The coach first recruits major leaguers then moves down the levels from there...Baseball boy will get on the team if there is room left.
As for myself- I will start sending out my resume as soon as we have unpacked. Income is priority number one- the rest will fall around that. Baseball boy asked me about going to Puerto Rico with him but I told him "lets not make plans till we know whats going on first." Thats just like him, to plan out everything based on a million assumptions.
And as promised I have the results of my August spending. Funny- we spend alot more money than I think we do- but we earn alot more money than I think we do to!
I am not posting a day by day recount because 1. thats boring, and 2. I really dont think this month was reflective of our spending. We moved cross country halfway through the month, and moved into an apartment with nothing. So we had alot of replenishing and deposits to pay.
Sadly, we did spend more than we made, by about $600. But we are not in debt- we used money saved from previous months. And we are heading back to FL with about $700 saved from the season.
But in the intrest in punishing myself for unnecesary spending- I will post our jaw dropping 'want' spending for the month of August. Maybe I can shame myself into only spending half that amount in September. So here it is...
Groceries $137
Gas $87 (gotta LOVE living a few blocks from the field...our cross country road trip was comped by the new team)
Fast food $62 (all Baseball boy...I gave up fast food months ago)
Eating out $480 (I know! Ridiculous!)
Drinking $62
Clothes $212 (2 prs of jeans, 1 pr shorts, sunglasses, and 2 tanks)
scrapbooking $100 (new ink cartidge and camera battery)

So those are some weird numbers. In August, clearly our priorities were out of whack, too much eating out, not enough groceries...but thats not our typical eating out habits....Anyways, thats whats going on here in TX, for one last day!

While living in Texas and living with little internet (yup- out by the pool again), I have taken up some financial readings.

First- I committed the cardinal rule for people trying to save/keep their money. I bought two books-brand new-from a bookstore. Had I been in FL, I would have gone through ebay, I swear! But right now I cannot rely on the mail system to keep up with me.

I bought one book by a man, I forget his name (some random finance man)called "Money and the People You Love"- good title, same old, same old information. I THOUGHT it would be about issues I struggle with now with my fiance. Issues like: getting on the same financial page, making saving money a priority for both of us, not letting ourselves get caught up in spending because we are 'together' and feel we want to spend money for 'quality time together.'...but no. The book with the great title was about mutual funds, annuities, 401K's and just basic explanitory stuff. The author said he named the book "Money and the People You Love" because a majority of people want money so they can take care of the people they love. Hmmph. I feel cheated. I read the book anyways. I'll sell it on ebay when I'm back in FL.

The second book I bought was "The Millionaire Women Next Door"..I thought it was by the woman who has a great "Millionaire Woman" blog out there that I have read a few times. I dont know-I thought she kind of owned the term 'Millionaire Women" or something. Silly me..Had I looked at the cover I would have seen it was written by a MAN! Some Stanley Ph.D who also wrote another millionaire book. Well...this book reads a bit like one of my grad school studies.

It's a study of Women who are millionaires and the author attempts to extract common threads among the women- not so the reader can become a millionaire- more so that the reader understands millionaire women. I read that too. I didnt really like it. It's a bit one sided to me. The author profiles only women who became millionaires on their own, no help from anyone, and only talks of their virtues. Kind of subtly exhaults the women.Since this is supposed to be an objective study using percents, averages, and high tech formulas, I didnt like how ethnographic it got in the middle of the book.

One tidbit I pulled from the book, a bit of an "Aha!" moment was stating that a big indicator of future millionaires is living on one income in a two income partnership. I.E.Living 50% below your means. Kind of "Duh!" but it worked for me. Rather than trying to save 10% of Baseball boys salary, and I save part of mine..and we both actively deduct the amounts each paycheck...I think it might be better to just bank the paycheck that is smaller.

I brought it up to Baseball boy today and he is fine with the idea. (But then- he is fine with "ideas"- its when it cuts into his fast food and video games that my ideas suddenly become problematic.)

P.S.- one reason I *think* this might be possible for us is because Baseball boy currently makes so little money. He netted a little over $10,000 last year- so for readers who are not familiar with my ongoing chronicle of life- we are not currently living off several thousands of dollars a month that will be drastically cut down. Once I get a full time job- I think I should AT LEAST be earning the same amount he does.

Of course, saving one paycheck is a bit off in the future...I need to get a job first. We need to clear the hurdle of this massive wedding first. We need to track our spending so we can "see" how much money we need- and if this will work. But I am thinking it might be a good thing to get off the ground before we get a mortgage. The first year of homeownership will likely mess up this plan-alot- so if we can get into a routine first, we might get a lesser standard of living going.

Or I am thinking I might have to wait till AFTER our first year of home ownership. So we are not creating goals we can not remotely reach.

So I have listed it as a long term goal so I do not put to much pressure on us. Merch was wanting me to get some long term goals going...and I like this one. Alot. I can't implement it now- at all- but I think if I have it in the back of both our minds as a long term goal...we can reach it within a few years. I think I am lucky I am trying to get a sucessful money lifestyle going now- before the mortgage and kids- because with either of those two loads on my back- I dont see how this would be possible (going from 2 incomes to 1). But without those two biggies- Baseball boy and I can plan to accomodate the 1 income and buy a house accordingly and plan kids accordingly. I hope.

Thats my piece. One other thing. I dont really want to be a millionaire. I mean- I wouldnt mind it. But it's not one of my lifetime goals -to die a millionaire. I really just want a lifestyle that is more 'fun' than 'work' and think that developing sucessful habits with money will get me there eventually. I just thought it interesting because this "Millionaire" author kind of wrote like being a millionaire is an ultimate achievement- rather than a piece of the process for living a great life.

He defensively states that the millionaire women live greatly satisfied lives (to the attack that they work all the time)-but not that they live great lives and are also millionaires. See what I'm saying? Anyways..I could be picking on this poor author because I am jealous of these women profiled. One symptom of jealousy is rejecting the item/person you are jealous of.

Also- one last piece before I sign off- The author admiringly states that none of the women have ever paid more than 300,000 for a house (he was explaining their frugal lifestyles)- but all women he profiled were close to 50 yrs old or older (much older). Now, I think thats alot misleading considering the price of real estate has drastically increased in the last 10-15 years-(Doubled? More?)and this author is implying that it is excessive to purchase a home for more than 300k. He implys- "Hey..if the maximum amount spent on a house is 300k is good enough for our millionaire women...it should be enough for you-dear reader who does not come close to the wealthy status of these smart people."

Hey guys,
I'm not back-back, but I stopped in for an hour or so to read some blogs and write some sad news. (It's not terribly sad, just some regression for me.)
First, I read some of ya'll latest entries and I feel I have missed so much! I am looking forward to having internet again.
Second...ugh. I dont like saying it. I dont like it. But I have been thinking about it the last 2 days...(I even wrote a hypothetical 'dear Suze' letter-just to step back from the situation and try to see it from amore logical perspective.)...I think I am taking money out of the house savings fund to pay off the danm credit card. It jumps from 0% to 20% in a few days, it's at $2400 right now...and since the summers over I wont be able to make huge payments on it anymore. I starter out in late June with a $5600 balance, and now its at $2400. That's $3200 I was able to chip away at in 2 months...I guess a good consolation victory there.
House fund is at almost $38,000...I will bring it to about $36,000- still a good chunk of change- but it feels like a major blow. I tried to calculate a debt repayment plan to myself, but to get that 2400 back, I need to pay myself $200 amonth FOR A YEAR. $200 a month is doable...for a freakin year??!! Seems like forever just to get back to where I am right now. Sigh. But I made the bad...time to lay in it. And once I have paid off the card IN FULL NEXT WEEK...it's going in the freezer.
You know...I think I'm upset because I feel I am taking the easy route. Just taking $$ from savings to pay the debt. Then its gone and there is little consequence/little lost. It seems a cheap victory. I wanted to pay it down through patience, discipline and taste the satisfaction of making the final payment. But I ran out of time. I bought 2 pairs of jeans that I shouldnt have. I ate out to much. And I know better than to pay 20% intrest.
And just a quick note...still tracking expenses...we spend a hella lot more money than I thought we did...this has been the best financial excercise ever! I'll show the ugly rundown when I have steady internet again. I am worried about being able to track expenses come September because Baseball boy and I will be back in FL and we wont see each other nearly as much as we do now. He's not on board with the tracking expenses- I think he thinks I will yell at him or give him a guilt trip over every purchase- so I have been tracking his expenses because we share a car and therefore when he buys, I am right there with him. Thats it, I'm off now to read more of your blogs. The apartment complex pool has internet connection, so I'm out here enjoying the evening for a few hours.

Just wanted to give a shout out that I am alive and ell in the lonestar state!
I drove to NE to pick up Baseball boy and he drove through the night to get to TX. We got here around 10am.
We have been stayoing in a hotel with no internet service, then moved into an apartment yesterday. To save $$ we opted to only turn on electric and forgo cable and internet.
I'm at Starbucks now, and gotta run...I'm not sure when I will be back to the blogs, but things here are going well.
Baseball boy has been a superstar on this team, they are going to the playoffs, and hopefully soon I can start exploring.
I have been tracking our spending...but it's not pretty. I will catch up with ya'll later!

I'm moving to Texas! Baseball boy was traded this morning. He's on a road trip in Nebraska right now, so I gotta pack and move by myself.
He flys to TX in the morning, I am gonna leave in the morning, by car. No idea how long the drive from MN to TX is...but it should be BEAUTIFUL!

So- financially- this is a wash. His new team is in a playoff run, which means extended weeks of pay for him, and possible cash if they win the series- but me driving from MN to TX will be a couple hundred dollars that is not reimbursed since the team is paying to fly him.

But sometimes you cannot put a price on life experience, and this is one of those times. The drive will be stunning, and I have only been to Texas once. Now I get to LIVE THERE! Whoohooo!

Well first of all, I must say that I do love my new blog colors. I smile everytime I open up the page.

Last night’s blog entry was kind of heavy. I was in a weird mood. Probably from watching too much TLC.

But last night got me thinking about other weird idiosyncrasies I have. I do plenty of odd uniteresting things, but one of my more annoying fears (for Baseball boy at any rate) is that after watching "Law and Order", the news, or a lot of "Lifetime" on TV, I become paranoid that Baseball boy is going to kill me.

LOL. I have learned to avoid those types of shows because it takes a good ten minutes for Baseball boy to reassure me that if he ever wants to leave me, he understands that he can just walk out the door, he does not need to plot my death. And even if there were large sums of money involved, all he does is have to tell me he was thinking of killing me for the money and I would just give it to him.

His obligatory "I love you, I'm not leaving you" falls on deaf ears. He does not understand I am not concerned about the LEAVING part; it's the KILLING that has me worried.

LOL. It sounds dramatic but I have heard that it is somewhat of a common fear. I blame Scott Peterson and all the drama he caused.

So, that’s it. I am still tracking my expenses and doing well.

I am watching TLC's "Help! I am a hoarder!" (Dont deny it- you have watched it too- at least wanted to watch it.) Now here is my little confession- this is the 2nd time I have watched it. I just find this lifestyle fascinating.

Now here comes my bigger confession- My mom was a hoarder of sorts and I am very afraid I will turn into one myself.

My mom was "diagnosed" with Bi-Polar about 3 years before she died. I quote the 'diagnosed' term because according to her therapist there is no way to really tell if you have the disease, they diagnose you if you display symptoms and respond to treatment. My mom never really responded to drug treatment, she just yo-yoed all around on different drug cocktails. And the therapist who 'diagnosed' her happened to be a Bi-polar specialist.

But who knows? She could have legitimately been Bi-polar. And the diagnosis brought her peace of mind and freedom to continue her ways, so there it was.

I compare my 'Bi-polar' mother to the hoarder because my mother was the shopaholic type. I bet she would have been 'diagnosed' as a shopaholic or compulsive spender if she had seen a different specialist that day.

Anyways, the house was filled to the gills with 'stuff'. If it was old, she kept it. If it was broken, she kept it. If it was useless, she kept it. On top of that, she was shopping constantly. It would take many many paragraphs to really convey how 'hoardishly' serious the situation was. Just 'stuff' piled to the ceiling in every room. All of it with price tags still attached!

After she died I did educated guessing based on receipts, paperwork and bank statements. The last few years she was spending nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. She still had about 1 or 2 yrs left before she would have cleared her retirement account bone dry- the scary thing was it was escalating! Like the last year she nearly DOUBLED her spending!)

During this time I had no idea the numbers was that high. I was convinced I would inherit debt, but we had the typical mother/daughter relationship where she treated me as a child, and I acted like a child. I threw up my hands long ago and let her spend, spend, spend. Because she loved it so much and it kept her out of my hair.

Now, I see little 'hoarding' tendencies maybe coming out in me. I have kept a lot of my toys from childhood. (I cannot picture a situation they would ever come out of the box again, but I refuse to let them go.) I got rid of more than half the stuff, but kept about 2600sqft worth of stuff that I refuse to consider getting rid of. (It's very high end stuff and I cannot recoup a reasonable amount of the money.) But really, there is zero chance I can afford 2600sqft of living space when house hunting. Baseball boy and I argue back and forth if the guest bedroom will be filled ceiling high with 'stuff' or if we should get a long term storage unit. In the interest in saving money I argue against the storage unit.

And I combat the fear that I will turn into my mother by routinely going through all drawers, paperwork, freezer, closets- everything- and regularly clear everything out to bare necessities.

Baseball boy is constantly annoyed I have tossed something he needs. But clutter makes me anxious. And clutter in drawers is the worst. I 'know' if a drawer is 'junky' and it irritates me so badly.

And the most ironic part of all is that if I do end up having a hoarding problem, or a bi-polar problem, or a whatever mental problem- there is no way to even know! Baseball boy has repeatedly assured me he will sit me down for 'the talk' if he ever thinks I am mentally 'not right.' He met my mom, saw the house. It's really overwhelming to an outsider. Neither of us wants to deal with that again. I was never terribly sympathetic towards my mom, and wouldn’t it be karma for me to get the same tendencies as her.


So yeah. That's my little story. It's not at the fore of my brain regularly, but shows like this TLC special reminds me that my brain might be a time bomb waiting to go off and lead me down a very destructive path. Yeah. I have weird paranoias.

I'm changing my blog colors. There are just way to many pretty colors in the world to stick with pink and purple.

Other than that, not much to report. Baseball boy is gone for another week long road trip. He has not been performing well this season and I feel for him. For myself personally, I try to look at this as a positive thing. Since I plan to be working full time next season with little or no vacation days earned, I may not see him play at all next season. But since this season has been pretty poor on almost all levels; financially, performance, and making friends...I wont feel like I am missing much next year.

Our roommate’s car was broken into two nights ago. They got his stereo and navigation equipment. I think it's the same guys who took my wheels. They leave the cars pretty pristine minus whatever they took. They know how to remove just what they want without damaging anything else.

I am still tracking the budget. Still afraid to look at the list though.

I recently contacted a new realtor about possibly buying our first home. The first realtor was great, the one time we saw him. But he was not very good at really working on his end, earning the commission. He responded to my e-mails in a day or two, but the answers were short one liners. He never sent me any listings as he promised he would, or inquired when I was coming back to visit the city. I only emailed him once after meeting him last month, requesting him to put me on his mailing list that would alert me to new properties hitting the market- but he never did...and he never responded to that, come to think of it.

This new guy seems pretty involved in real estate. He is a realtor who also invests in fixer uppers. He writes a weekly blog about the real estate market in the city. So *fingers crossed* maybe he will be the fountain of knowledge we really need right now.

Financially we are in a good position about buying. There are pros and cons to both buying and not buying. We can stay in FL and just save money for however long we need to- or we can buy if we find the right place in GA. Yeah~ I think I am sticking with Ga even after all your suggestions. So we plan to take our time and really learn all we can. I think my biggest nightmare would be to get in over my head housing-wise, and I trust my cautious nature to guide us into the right situation.

This new realtor gave me the standard response of "well, it might be hard to find what you’re looking for in your price range, but I will see what I can do." I am wondering if that is a pretty standard selling technique. This being my second realtor- I have little first hand experience- but I took that sentence as a method for instilling fear in me and either increasing my price range (not going to happen)or feeling grateful towards whatever he shows me and buying it pretty quickly. (Also not going to happen.) I am very sentimentally attached to this down payment money and refuse to trade it in for a possible buyer’s remorse later. If I don’t think the places in our price range are worth the money, then I will save and bump up to the new price range. But we will see. I have enough other things going on, like the wedding, moving, getting a FL job to keep me occupied and away from 'house buying' fever. Although I still have it a little bit. That’s about it for now.

Here it is a week into August, and I have been doing well tracking all the spending. I have not really looked at the list. I am kind of afraid to look at it. Already I can tell we spend a lot more than I previously thought we did.

Things with Baseball boy and I are going well. We are growing. I think it's important to remember that we are both evolving, so the outlook each of us has now is not going to be the outlook we have next year. Our priorities will be different, our spending habits will be different and our wallets will be different.

In the meantime life is going to throw up a good number of financial obstacles we will encounter and learn from. They will teach us about ourselves and each other, as well as give us tools to use in the future. I will use these oppertunities as a chance to try different things, while venting my frustrations and encountering setbacks. I am glad I have a community here who will cry with me and can offer guidance when I don’t know what to do.

I am trying to be very self aware in my financial choices, and I believe Baseball boy is getting there too. He might not share my philosophies with money but I need to remember that I am really a baby in money management. He might not make all the right choices, but neither do I.

There are no cardinal rules in money management. If there were, then I would follow the existing guaranteed model for living wealthy and make baseball boy follow it as well. But since it seems financial success is a different path for everyone, I will continue to 'experiment' with money and blog about my success/failures.

Although Baseball boy and I don’t share the same financial pages right now, we are both trying to get there. I believe he wants the same things I want, but his ‘awareness’ and enthusiasm to get from ‘here’ to ‘there’ is not a priority right now. I think that following all my plans, charts and websites exhausts him. He has left the finances to my domain for now, allowing me to try different things, and once I have a strategy that works he will enthusiastically get on board.

I wish he would take initiative himself; it frustrates me when he mismanages money or we don’t share the same outlook, but that does not make his choices, his journey or his perspective bad. It just means that we are both on an individual journey and are actively trying to get to the same point by using different paths. If I felt that he is selfish, irresponsible, or that we don’t want the same things in life, then I would have left him years ago. If I felt that I was beating a dead horse, that he will always be a dead weight for me to drag around, then I would not still be with him. But I do see improvement. I do see enthusiasm. I do see comprehension and effort. Sometimes I don’t understand his logic, but it comes from a good place and I cannot assume that I am the only one in the relationship capable of seeing the big picture.

I believe in Suze Orman's philosophy that there is a lot of psychology behind money and how it gets used. This blog was started for me to understand my own psychology with money, and to develop a working relationship with it. I want to be active and aware with the money in my life, and become as educated as I can so I can make the money work the hardest it can for me. I want to understand tools for using and saving money while trusting the methods I use to employ those tools.

This might take a long time for me to understand my own psychological issues with money. It might take me a year or two to develop a reliable and trusted money model that works for me and my family.


In addition to chronicling my own journey, my goal is to bring Baseball boy into this level of financial awareness I have found. He has his own relationship with money, and his own money issues. Because I don’t think he is deeply "in touch" with his finances, it is hard for me to learn his financial ways. I am an outsider watching him as he kind of reacts with his money, rather than consciously plans for his money. Since he is not "connected" to our money, either enthusiastically or educationally, it frustrates me to see how he chooses to use the money because I see no deep thinking or long term strategy for the money.


I look to forward sharing with Baseball boy everything I have learned. To awkening the same goals and desires I have; to understand money, its impacts, and to create a strategy that will maximize the money that enters our life.

But first I need to learn it. First I need to understand my own money "issues" before I can tackle and work on his.

So it looks like we will have some problems. We will waste and lose some money. Hopefully save and invest some money. I will be counting on others in this community to help me avoid the pitfalls of money mismanagement that surrounds all of us on a regular basis. I will be reading your blogs to increase my financial education and maintain my "financial awareness" so that Baseball boy and I do not become a statistic that you all read about and wonder "what were they thinking?"

Eventually we will get to where many of you are. We will have a tried and true system that we both understand and believe in. We will both be "plugged in" to our finances and together we will be planning a lovely picture of our future. I look forward to it, we will get there eventually. In the meantime I hope I dont lose to much money.

Well, I have missed 2 days of blogs. And trust me, I really did 'miss' them!
Baseball boy had some time off so we have been doing 'stuff' and I find I enjoy getting on this website when I have an hour or two alone to really read the blogs, comment and get into the 'saving mindset'.
Saving money does not come naturally or effortlessly. Checking my credit card statements, calculating intrest, and determining net worth are not things I naturally do while Baseball boy and I lay on the couch together.
I do that stuff with the help of you guys, and it puts my mind at ease enough to enjoy laying on the couch with baseball boy later.
But trust me, I have clicked on this website a few times in the last 2 days and saw all the deliciously juicy new blogs- but had to exit out of it because I knew I would get irritated at all the interruptions.
I have not even read all your comments to my last blog. I'm going to address it later this afternoon. Looking forward to it!

I am still thinking about Baseball boy’s money habits. You know what? I think I am being a tad unfair.
I KNOW what he gets paid. I am in charge of the bank account and so I KNOW how much money is in it. I KNOW that the FL bills are about $700 a month, and that the travel money provided by the team will come up short during the drive. And lastly, I KNOW that Baseball boy will not take out a pen/paper and run numbers to see where we are at, where we need to be.

Yet, did I plan for our return trip back to Florida? No. Did I mentally figure out how much money we need in reserve to get back on our feet in Florida? No.

I have been living in the present, living in "lets pay off this credit card bill, and lower the wedding expenses, and start looking at classifieds for Florida jobs" when that is all good, but I shouldn’t be relying on Baseball boy to be able to cover all the upcoming expenses he promises to cover when I can see the bank account and can see its not going to work.

Sure, I can be frustrated that Baseball boy promised me $300 to go towards the wedding then took it back to pay for upcoming bills. I can be frustrated he talked me into an expensive tricked out phone that he really did not have the money to pay for, but, Hello! I have been tracking stuff and should have realized long ago that the season will end, and we better be able to cover the expenses.

I think that during this season I have not approved of a few of Baseball boys purchases, only about $200 altogether (not including the phones)and to retaliate I held him to his word that he would pay all expenses this season. I did some things frugally, like conserved gas, and skipped some meals, but I have still lived a pretty healthy version of my normal life.

Now, here at the end of the season I am getting frustrated that he is concerned about the money needed to get back to Florida and such, and I am annoyed he did not plan for it.

I think I am annoyed with both of us. I am annoyed because he mentally spends money before he has it. Telling me he will pay all of "our" expenses this season so I can focus on the wedding. Previously telling friends that he will pay for this or that before even finding out what the cost is.
So what do I do? I try to get him to change his ways by manipulation. (Though it was all subconscious-I swear!)
I don’t like a few of his purchases but I hold my tongue to try and "show him how he needs to change his lifestyle" by not really altering mine and showing him he cannot afford what he thinks he can afford. Then I let him get in a bind just to get him to reach that financial level of concern, to try and get him to get active and take a role in finances. I want him to feel uncomfortable the way I feel uncomfortable when I look over our spending habits.

Ohhhh. I am an evil evil woman. Iset him up to fail. I didn’t even realize I was doing all this till I started blogging just now. I don’t like admitting my part in all this. It is easy to blame Baseball boy and only point out his faults. But I have financial faults too- and part of my reason for blogging was to discover those faults. I just found one. I am not proud.

And any of you saying "what the heck?" to yourselves; read my previous entry to catch up.

grrr...Baseball boy is taking his stimulus check away from me.
I am fine if he wants to keep it for himself- just don’t promise to give it to me!

For months now he has told me it is mine for wedding planning every time it gets brought up. I was planning to put it toward credit card debt so I would have money to spend on the wedding!

Then it arrives yesterday in the mail and suddenly he says, "well, we can use it to pay the FL lawn service for this month, and I will keep the rest for savings."
Me: "I thought you were giving that to me for the wedding?"
Him: "I can’t. The season ends in 3 weeks and I want to return home with $7-800 to use as a cushion in case I don’t get a lot of work when we get back."
Me:"grrr..."

I am all for him having a cushion of cash. It is after all, his money. But this is a trend I have started noticing emerging this season. This promising me money that never materializes.

Hmmm...how often did this happen?

*Before the season started, he told me I don’t need to work; he will pay for everything to let me just work on my credit card debt. What happened? The 1st week of the season we suddenly learn we need to pay for an apartment and Baseball boy does not have enough cash to cover the 1st months rent, not last months rent. I'll be darned if I am paying both. So I make him withdraw 1st months rent from his signing bonus money. I pay last months rent. My $800 credit card payment goes to pay the rent. Never to be seen again.

*We move to Minnesota and once again, he will pay all the bills. Well, he must have forgotten the FL bills because when I add up the $300 in FL bills due, suddenly it’s- "I can’t cover all that." $150 credit card payment not going to the credit card.

*Our cell phone contract is up and we need new phones. Baseball boy wants the tricked out phone. I want that phone too but would rather get a free one. "I will buy it for you for your birthday" he says. So we each get the phone. $415.00 (plus $150 in rebates). Suddenly he is concerned about the price and it's lockdown on all future spending. If I had known I was going to have to either pay up for future wants, I would have just taken the free phone! $100 of credit card payments gone.

And now this- stimulus check gone

I should have known. I am actually really annoyed at myself for all this trouble. In the past, Baseball boy has done this- promising financial things that never materialize. Just not to me!

You know when we were first engaged, and we started talking about the wedding, we were planning a resort island destination wedding- well he gets on the phone with his good friends from high school and starts spouting off: "We will pay for your flights. This is going to be awesome." I had to be like, "SHUTUP!" We had been DISCUSSING paying for everyone’s flights if we could get a group airline discount, and if we had the money- it would be a nice thing to do. But to actually tell people and get them all excited about it??

And when we were first talking about buying a house, we initially planned to get a large plot of land and have a guest house on it. We wanted Baseball boys best friend to live in the guest house because he has been through a lot and we want him around us- well Baseball boy gets on the phone with the friend, "...and we are going to have a guest house. You can live there for free. All you have to do is mow the yard." WHAT???!! We are both against making money off this friend, but I am not about to be struggling financially to pay for this friend!

I just get annoyed when Baseball boy THINKS he knows what something will cost, and then just assumes it DOES cost that amount, and starts actively planning for it to cost that amount.

I need to just get over the Stimulus check. I am over it. I am just not over his money logic. $7-800 is NOT GOING TO COVER HIM when we get back. It is going to be $400 in gas to get back to FL, plus $100 for 1 night in a hotel, plus we have FL bills waiting for us. He doesnt think this through. He makes money promises, or committments that he does not PLAN for!

Baseball boy has been living paycheck to paycheck for awhile now and since I no longer do, I am getting real tired of him doing it. It really costs us money living that way.

grrrr...

Well,
You have learned my secret. I am a recovering party girl. More like a party girl grown up. During my early/mid twenties, I lived by the rule that you are only young once; better get it out of your system now.

Now I am older and less interested in the partying, but my old ways still come out to party occasionally.

But today I think I crossed the border from party-girl slowdown, to party-girl gone. I turned down an invitation to go to a high school friends wedding. The wedding is across the country and in a month. The invitation kind of came out of left field as we only recently reconnected and its 5 weeks away.

But it was an opportunity to meet up with all my high school friends and just spend the whole weekend partying.
I went back and forth but ultimately said I can’t go. I just have way too many cross country trips coming up in the next 6 months, plus my own wedding.

I thought "hey, it's only a $300 plane ticket then everything is free to me all weekend (my friends take good care of me). And it's a once in a lifetime event"(actually, I think divorce is in this couple's future but I doubt I would go/get invited to the next wedding.)

But considering I am not yet sure how I will pay for the events I have committed to, and my own wedding is going on a credit card for a few months...I can just see this as being a trip that tips the scales and leads me into credit card debt and way off my path to achieving all those goals listed on the left-hand side.

It's too bad, it would have been fun to have one last 'girls trip' before I got married. But I have had plenty of those.

Well...here is a money saving idea when throwing a party- Kegs! Who would have imagined they were so cheap compared to cans? The team bought a keg Friday morning and brought it out to the pool area of our apartment complex. Everyone chipped in $10 for as many drinks as the keg will hold. That damn keg was still over 1/2 full by nightime! So it got wheeled in again the next morning where we enjoyed it for another full day!
-no gas was spent after getting the keg
- no electricity was used except for a stereo
- and we all had some healthy fun outside in the sunshine, making up name games, and swimming for 2 days.

PS. unexpected price of a 2 day party:
-pedialite, fruit smoothies and gatorade for the girl who ended up throwing up- she will remain nameless but you all know her.
- chineese food because the greese and noodles is all her upset stomach will handle the next day
-extra shampoo spent getting vomit out of hair

Anyways, I have been bad not checking in with you all, I will catch up and read your blogs tomorrow!

A few years ago I was warned that when random websites ask for information like my name, address, birthday, whatever- it risks me for identity theft. Therefore I have trained myself to list August 1st as my birthday on all computer websites.
I just logged onto Facebook to find a giant banner that says "Happy Birthday Gamecock!!" and seriously, my heart did a double beat. I was like, "What? Today is my birthday? Already? How come Baseball boy and I dont have any plans?" (Literally, all those thoughts went through my mind before I remembered that no-it's not really my birthday.) LOL.
Just wanted to share. And for those of you who are wondering- No. I have never been the victim of identity theft. Coincidence? I think not.

Manny Ramirez is going to the Dodgers. As a Boston Fan I am glad to see him go. He has talent, but it's not worth the money he was making. And if you dont appreciate Fenway and the prestige associated with the Red Sox then go. Give the position to someone who will work for half the pay as hard as they can just to keep their lucky stars in line.
I think Manny will fit in less with the Dodgers than he did with the Red Sox. Constant complainer, that one. Glad he is someone elses headache.

Thats my piece. It's not financial related but I got nothin. I am in the middle of a No Spend Day and tomorrow I get to start tracking expenses.

Well, Merch seems to think that if I developed some goals then I wouldn’t be using Baseball boy’s parent's approval as a benchmark for whether I have achieved success or not. I agree, but wow, creating goals seemed like such a monumental task. And then the confusion that would set in if things changed on me!

But by assuring me that it is possible to have crazy things happen like get married, lose/gain jobs and have kids, and STILL be able to work towards goals, I have decided to take on the task.

To the left, you will see all new information. They are my 2008/ 2009 goals. They are really what I was planning to do all along, but now they are on paper rather than in my head. I tried to put them in a timeline order to organize them. And I am not sure if they are kindergarten-y and 'not real goals' or not. 'Buying a house with 20% down' is a real goal. 'Adopting a pet and paying all costs upfront' is...kind of common sense for a person who lives in SavingsAdvice-land. But each of those little goals is a $4-500.00 expenditure, so it will be a little tough for me to come up with the money over and over in the next 5 months.

I must say that it was easier than I thought, and much more satisfying than I thought it would be.

I thought that because my fiancé has such an unstable career, and we moved around a lot, and I am not sure what or where my lifestyle fits in, that goals would be impossible. Right now, Baseball boy's job is priority number 1 and everything else kind of falls into the cracks.

But I was able to make goals! And just to brag a little, but I am impressed with myself for being in a position where I think I can get these all done. I am excited to get started. I can see the upcoming financial roadblocks now, and I can actively plan for them, rather than know it's some expense coming up in the not to distant future. And I can see how faltering at each of these roadblocks could set me on a path to debt, so maybe these goals are important to overccome.

I think there is something to say for writing down goals and accomplishments.

Thank you Merch. I know I need long term goals too, but I am taking a break on the goal thing for a little while. And thank you everybody who has taken the time to read my thoughts and give me honest feedback.

I am 28 yrs old. I always thought that was definitely an adult age. But Suze Orman said that 28 yr olds are "still just kids." I am not offended by this. I kind of like the idea that I have some more 'wiggle room' to make mistakes and not have 'adult expectations' placed on me.

I definitely don’t feel that I have the knowledge or skills that a 28 year old should posses. That’s almost 30! But I look around at my friends, and they don’t seem to have the skills that a person nearly 30 should have either.

I am not talking maturity. Or maybe I am. It's just that there are 'expectations' for age ranges. When you are in your early twenties you are supposed to be starting your career, possibly with a good chunk of debt, and spend the next few years working to become debt free.

When you are nearly 30, as I am, I thought that people (family, elders that I respect and want to please) expect me to have a house, and be really independent so they don’t need to worry about me.

And in the next few years is family time. Where the cycle starts again, and people stop talking, worrying about me and focus on my child and how they are developing and growing.

Right now I feel that people still talk and worry about me and Baseball boy. I think Baseball boys parents think we are still somewhat of a burden. They have the mentality about Baseball boy and I that many blog readers do about their finances. That we are 1 screw up away from ruining our lives. Or thats how I feel. Baseball boy's parents are very "in our business" and micromanage things. "What did you do yesterday? What time did you get up this morning? So you have practice at 2pm then a game at 7 pm? Against who? Are you ready? What are you going to do for dinner?"(my mom had enough trust in me to stop worrying about me the second I drove off to college). Maybe that why I am so anxious to buy a house. To just prove to Baseball boy's family we are ok and they can be proud when other family members ask them "how is Gamecock and Baseball boy doing?" and the parents can say, "oh they got a house down south and Gamecock has a full time job being miserable in a cubicle, and Baseball boy is feeling all this pressure to stop playing baseball for financial reasons but at the same time knows how disappointed we will feel that he is no longer playing..." and then the family will cluck amongst themselves at how responsible and grown up we are, and Baseball boys parents will beam that their son was a success and chose a great daughter in law. Then as the family leaves my parent-in-laws house, they will lower their voices and talk about how we couldn’t really afford a house and are in debt up to our eyeballs, and that they hear our house is really very small, and that my miserable cubicle job is really a telemarketing job and how boring is that?

I have written off track. Sorry about that.

I guess I am trying to figure out what expectations Baseball boy's family has for me right now. I normally don’t care whatsoever about who thinks what of me. I really don’t. But for some reason I want to make his parents proud. And I have no idea why.

Up until this point, this year of being 28, I feel like I was quite successful at making his parents proud. I graduated college, I got a full time starter job, then my mom died and I took care of all that, then I started my masters and recently graduated in May. Now I feel like its time to do something else they will be proud of. Something else they can tell the rest of the family about.

You see, their family is a little...well-gossipy. Maybe all families are? It has always just been me and my mom with zero extended family so this whole big family is new to me. But I like it. Baseball boy grew up with lots of cousins and now that everyone is adults, the elders are great friends and the 'kids' are too.

But...when you ask how so-and-so is doing, you tend to get a very detailed account of what that person is doing in life, what is wrong with that person's judgment, and how that was a bad decision. It’s not hateful at all. It's just...showy? I guess.

I don’t want to be the loser in the family. Everybody is impressed with Baseball boy. He can ride this baseball carpet for years and no one will question it. But as the woman, the wife, I feel that I am responsible for the 'home' part of our gossip accomplishments. If we don’t have a home by now then it reflects badly on me, because people wonder "just what is gamecock doing?"

Anyways, that my vent. Or my question. When I was 20 I thought I knew everything. When I was 23 I realized there was a lot to learn but I had time to learn it. Now that I am 28 I feel that I should know at least the basics. So am I an adult who is slow, or a 'kid' who is over achieving?

I am not trying to make this some type of pep party, or get down on Baseball boy's family, I am trying to figure out the 'net worth' of my 'life status'. Where I am. If I am ahead, behind, and what is expected of me.

The 'kids' in Baseball boy’s whole extended family is each doing their own thing, everyone is done with college, many have finished masters...but as the oldest 'kid' (even older than Baseball boy) I feel I should be ahead of them. Maybe thats why I feel pressure. All the 'kids' in the family are about the same age. So it's easy for the 'adults' to compare us against each other.

This is all pretty petty stuff going on here. I realize that.

First, Thank you guys for responding with your favorite American city. You reminded me that there are so many places I have never been (like the entire west coast!), and maybe I still need to move around a bit more before settling down. I don’t know.

In good news, Baseball boy got a Win last night after the baseball game went into extra innings and he was called in to pitch the 11,12,and 13th innings. He is used to pitching just 1 or 2 innings, but last night he just got better and better as the innings wore on. He really found his stride. Its times like that that makes me completely forget about the poor pay, poor future employment opportunities, and general exhaustion associated with this job. Last night was a great night.

And financially, I found out I don’t qualify for a stimulus check . I didn’t earn enough money last year. Baseball boy qualifies for a $300 check that has yet to arrive. He already promised the check to me to put towards the wedding. And he gave me $150 yesterday that he earned for working a baseball camp for the past 4 days.

And!! Today I was able to put $491.00 towards my Discover card. I don't think it will be gone by September, but it should be down to about $1500.

That’s about it. But I did want to give a shout out to all the new (and old) bloggers on this site, it really reaffirms that while some people are ahead of me, some are behind me, but we are all learning from each other and it is possible to be debt free and live a normal life.

If you could move to any city/town in the USA, where would you move to?

It seems that we are all raised somewhere, we choose to go to college/or not around home or far away, we meet a partner and decide to settle down. We get a job somewhere and stay there for years...It seems that people THINK they control their destiny, but destiny controls them. You THINK you have all this freedom to go anywhere, live where you want, but in reality we all have many ties that keep us, move us somewhere that we may not have anticipated.

People return back to the hometown they grew up in. People stay in the city they went to college. People settle down once they land their first big job. People meet a partner, a spouse, a soul mate and follow that person so they can live their lives together.

People move somewhere, planning to be there a few years, and before they know it they have put down roots, they made friends, they develop a routine, they find a favorite restaurant and they realize they have too much invested in that area to ever leave.

Then there are vacations. People take vacations to see the 'exotic other' to get a taste of a different life. People travel to visit friends and see the other options, choices in life. Sometimes we love the new location, sometimes we hate it. But as a person gets older, the opportunity to move and uproot your life comes less frequently, or we have more invested and choose not to consider those possibilities.

I have lived in so many places and never put down roots. Never invested in a community, and never made lifelong friends that make life worth living. I have great friends, but they are all over the east coast, and now it's time to pick a spot on the map and settle down. The problem Baseball boy and I have is that we love many areas, but find fault with many areas. In the face of really choosing where we want to live, with no ties or roots anywhere, we have a tough decision to make.

We are in agreement with Savannah GA, and have focused our game plan around that city for almost a year now, but recently a friend who heard my gripes about the high real estate cost in Savannah suggested Macon Ga. Then someone familiar with Macon suggested Athens Ga. My poor computer is tuckered out running around finding web descriptions of all these cities. And it became clear to me that though we love Savannah, we are like hobos. We are open to anything, anywhere. We know nowhere is perfect, and therefore what one city lacks, another city will have in abundance.

I am not the most traveled person in America. I love Savannah. I love Atlanta. Every city in between- I have no clue. I love everywhere I move. Baseball boy does too, for the most part. I love it because it's temporary. You can love anything knowing it's not a life sentence.

But now I am very much in 'settle down' mode. I have been nesting for a year, trying to plan to settle down. Get my ducks in order, pick a spot on the earth, and grow a garden. I worry that once I get a full time job, maybe get a kid or two- before I know it, 10 yrs will have passed and the decision on where to spend my life will have been made for me.

So to be proactive, I throw the question out to you guys. What is your favorite city or town? Why? Maybe your description will fit the description I am looking for. This will save me from road tripping all over the country to choose a city to live in.

Normally something, a job, friends, family, kids make the decision on where you should live a no-brainer. I consider myself lucky to have a chance to choose where to settle down, but I feel I have barely covered 5% of the USA. How to make an informed decision based on that research number? Yet it would take a full lifetime to really make an educated decision. I figure I will just steal a bit from all of your experiences and cheat the learning curve a bit.

So throw out your opinions. A few things about Baseball boy and me, we heart the south. We are united against snow. He wants to be on/have access to water for fishing/boating, I am very outdoorsy and like hiking, green spaces, parks. We are somewhat 'green' and I am trying to become more green- so pollution, litter and clearcutting land is not my ideal. We both want a city that is walking/biker friendly, IE. not too metropolitian with traffic and large crowds but has an urban feel where there is a good congragation of people clustered in a downtown area of shops and bars. We are young, and like to be around other young people. We both love history and think it would be neat to live in a historical area.

I'm gonna end up somewhere. I'm ready to close my eyes and point to a place on a map.

Hi guys,
I think I have figured something out in the housing market. I am posting it here, to see if my line of thinking is right (or not).

Now, many of you know me and Baseball boy, and do not think we are ready to buy a home yet. I am still enthusiastic about buying a home, but not 100% committed to it either. I am still just watching the real estate market, and trying to see how Baseball boy and I fit into it. When the timing is right, I am confident that all this market watching will educate me to know it is time to buy.

We have been looking to buy our first home for almost a year now. We have been looking for an older home (pre 1930's), because we love the historical feel, especially Victorian architecture.

Several of the homes we initially saw on the market around christmas time are still on the market today. However,there have been NO PRICE drops in the 8 months we have been looking. "Where are these big discount deals?" we wonder.

I thought maybe because the town was not vulnerable to the flipping mentality, maybe the economy didn’t change so dramatically during the boom that people were buying into the alternative mortgages expecting their incomes to increase, maybe people who buy older homes stay in the homes much longer than people stay in newer homes, maybe because the older homes are 'specialized' in a way and the owners wait for the ONE buyer who will LOVE their house...I don’t know.

I have come to the realization that maybe the fact that it's an OLDER HOME we are looking for is the reason for the steady home values. All these 50-100k price drops are on NEW CONSTRUCTION which was built on city outskirts when there were large population fluxes and economies were booming and job growth in the towns was increasing.

Now jobs are declining somewhat or holding steady, and people are no longer moving to the suburbs because there is plenty of housing available in the cities. And older homes tend to be located in the heart of cities.

So...maybe these big price drops I have been waiting for are never going to happen for me?

I wonder then if my fiancé and I should actually change our dream to accommodate the current economy and the deals available.

It seems stupid to buy a high priced home in a land of incredible deals, but it also seems stupid to buy a deal of a home because it cannot hold its value.

We are looking for our 'forever home' and plan to stay in this home for at least 6-7 yrs, then we are planning to rent it out if we need to trade up for a bigger home/better school system due to family needs. We can’t predict the future, there is a possibility we will need to move, but we still plan to keep this home in our possession for decades regardless of our circumstances.

So do we give up on our plans and learn to love new construction? Or buy a more expensive home that is 'not on sale' because it has proven it will retain its value?

But since it is our 'forever home' then resale value is not very important, or since it is our 'forever home' then we should buy what we want?

Oiy. These are new concerns for me. I wish I was like so many others I know who just go out house hunting and come back 2 weekends later telling me they made an offer on a house and it has been accepted. Housewarming party is in one month.

So Baseball boy and I went out to The Mall of America again today, this time with Baseball boy’s parents.

The parents wanted to see the Mall of America, and Baseball boy and I were interested in getting new cell phones. We are all on one family plan, (there are 5 of us on the plan). And usually once every few years we trade in our old phones for new phones, and get a killer deal because we are re-newing the cell phone contract. I think 2 yrs ago it was 5 phones for $250.00.

Anyways, now there are no deals going on for renewing the contract. One phone gets $100 off, and each other phone is $50 off. So the phones we were looking at was $250 each- it would have been around $700 for new phones, not including the contract! There was no real incentive to us to renew our plan.

So we are all going to look online, buy our phones separately at whatever deal we find. I'm thinking eBay. The parents are going to ask some other carriers what they can offer us in the meantime.

There were no other deals either going on. We went all over the city, looking for one thing or another, and there were no sales, no discounts for big purchases.

In this economy, why are businesses not begging for our business? I guess to make money, businesses have taken away their discounts and deals...it just annoys me.

Consumer spending is way down, businesses are concerned, so what do they do? The just eliminate their sales to make money!

I am planning a wedding, no deals to be found anywhere there, no deals in cell phone -land, no deals on clothing (we looked for Baseball boy today but all brands he likes are regular price), and the cost of resteraunts have gone up. These are LUXURY ITEMS! I guess America has become so 'want' based that the luxury items (weddings, phones, clothing, and resteraunts) have become staples and these industries are not affected.

Yup. I am paying off the father in law. I withdrew the money from the bank today. Baseball boy's parents just came into town and we plan to give him the money tomorrow morning.

I'm not sure how much we owe him though. Since the mail forwarding got all mixed up some bills from our FL house have been lost in the mail system and I am probably getting all kinds of late charges added onto them, and other bills arrived in NC (to Baseball boys father) and he paid them for us because the bill was due in a day or two. So there was no time to forward the bill to us to pay. I dont even know the bill situation completely, FIL would just sometimes comment to me, "oh, I paid your electric bill today." and when I was presented a stack of mail from FIL yesterday, there were some bill stubs, but not all of our regular bills. So I sat down and tried to guestimate what FIL has paid over the summer for us.

I paid all of Junes bills personally, because the mail forwarding was working back in June, so I just included an extra $200 for July bills. No one is living in the house, everything has been unplugged and the air conditioning is set at 80 degrees. I think $200 should cover the month of July. Then I have no idea how August will work out, but it's only one more month of suffering through this weird mail situation.

I think FIL never thought he would "see" the money back that he loaned us. He paid some bills for us generously thinking he was helping us, but I hate owing people money and have harbored a torch to pay him back as soon as we could. The money has been sitting in the bank all summer. Finally! It's gone and off of my 2Do list!

Baseball boy and I have not figured out a way to give it to FIL in a way that he will accept it and not "leave it behind" for us. In the past we have tried to give him money for something and he either talks us into keeping it, or leaves the money untouched on our kitchen table.

I understand it comes from a good place, this wanting to let us keep the money, but that drives me crazy, and I try to avoid borrowing money from him at all costs in the future, knowing that it will be hard to pay it back. I want to just give him this money, and be back on a clear slate with him.

So, thats my thoughts for today.

I just recieved this forwarded e-mail. I wanted to post it for ya'll. I dont know how true it is, like many Americans I have never researched this type of information or thought much about it~ Some of it may be a little nationalistic and biased, but I opted not to delete anything because I am not sure what is fact or fiction:

"Are you aware that the Saudis are boycotting American products? In addition, they are gouging us on oil prices. Shouldn't we return the favor? Can't we take control of our own destiny and let these giant oil importers know who REALLY generates their profits, their livings? How about leaving American Dollars in America and reduce the import/export deficit?
An appealing remedy might be to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up your car you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just purchase gas from companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing
is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill up my tank, I'm sending my money to people who I get the impression want me, my family and my
friends dead. The following gas companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell.. 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco..144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil...130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway..117,740,000 barrels
Amoco..62,231,000 barrels

CITGO oil is imported from Venezuela by Dictator Hugo Chavez who hates America and openly avows our economic destruction! (We pay Chavez's regime nearly $10 Billion per year in oil revenues!)

The U.S. Currently imports 5,517,000 barrels of crude oil per day from OPEC. If you do the math at $100 per barrel, that's over $550 million PER DAY ($200 BILLION per year!) handed over to OPEC, many of whose members are our confirmed enemies!!!!! It won't stop here - oil prices could go to $200 a barrel or higher if we keep buying their product.

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco
Conoco
Sinclair
BP / Phillips
Hess
ARC0
Maverick
Flying J Valero
Murphy Oil USA* Sold at Wal-Mart, gas
is from South Arkansas and fully USA owned and produced. Not only that but they give scholarships to all children in
their town who finish high school and are legal US citizens.

All of this information is available from the U.S. Department of Energy and each company is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing."


I only have a BP near me on the American list, but I will try and use them as often as possible just to keep the dollars in America and maybe help the economy.