After my history lesson from yesterday combined with the numbers of today, I feel reassured that we are just hitting a low, but the ship is not sinking.

I do have some money in the stock market and honestly, I feel that I have no business whatsoever being in the stock market.

The amount of money I had in stocks in 2005 rose gloriously, tumbled a bit, went up a tad, tumbled some more, tumbled some more, and is now sitting in the stock market at the exact same amount I had in 2005.

I am not a financial whiz, but common sense tells me that if the money had been in some type of bond or money market account I would have been better off than I am now.

I invested in those diversification stocks, the kind where it's hundreds of little shares wrapped up in one stock that you buy. And I have not touched it. The money is earmarked for retirement and I have heard the old saying "what the stock market is doing now is not important compared to how its doing 2 or 3 years before you retire." Or some variation of that advice.

So yesterday's question(s) was a bit aimed to try and see if the world was falling and my money would be gone or worthless when I retire. I gather it will be ok. Yesterday I was researching (not just on this blog) just what I should do with my nest egg sitting in the stock market. I feel like I came up against a wall.

~The stock market is expected to continue to go down. But how much down and for how long, no one is sure. I have read somewhere that for this year, the stock market went down almost 20%. And I know from Suze Orman’s little demonstration that when you lose 20% you must earn 40% to get back to where you started.

~Inflation has been going up quickly. Inflation is outpacing interest rates, so investing in treasury bonds or high yielding anything, you will still be behind the inflation curve.

So I am guessing everyone is just losing money right now? And no one is pulling ahead because there is no vehicle in which to invest to make money? I don’t know. I just can’t help but wonder if there was some point in the last year or two when everyone saw a big flashing warning sign that I missed telling us to pull out of the market. But I missed it. And now I’m not sure if I should stay in because I have 30yrs to let it rebound, or if it goes down another 20% then that’s a lot of percentages I will be ”hoping” to make up.

Because in the stock market I feel clueless. I feel like I am sitting around month after month “hoping” that this months number is higher than last months number. At least with money market accounts, CD’s and bonds I understand what I am doing and feel that I have some sort of control over my money.

I have only been trying to learn about stocks for 2 ½ years now. From what I have seen, it goes up a tiny bit at a time, but goes down a lot farther than it goes up. But I am assuming over the long run it goes up more than it goes down? Or is it savvy investors that are constantly buying/selling that win in the stocks? And they tempt the little guy (me) to get in the stock market by all their wild tales of making thousands of dollars in a few months. When in reality it is like the housing boom was, prosperous for a few people who knew what they were doing, but bad for everyone else who thought they just had to get a house and watch as their equity rose.

I am pretty uneducated as far as money goes. I am trying to learn as much as I can. But I worry that my lack of understanding will lead to me mismanaging my way to the poor house.

1.So stock market. Best left to experienced financial whizzes or safe for the common gal?

2. Am I on par that my 2005 investment amount is my 2008 amount or is everyone else way ahead of that number and I screwed up somewhere along the way?

3. If diversified and left alone, over the course of 30 years, will the stock market on average go up more than it goes down? Or do I need to be heavily involved to make that happen?

4.Was there a big flashing neon sign telling people to get out of the market? Has that sign flashed lately? Is there a formula to follow, like there is to see if buying a house is a better financial move than renting?

5.Are these questions way to heavy to be asking on a little blog? Once again my age is working against me and I have no idea if the things I see are alarming or just part of a historical trend.

Thanks once again for your input. I appreciate it.

This is one of those times where I feel my age is working against me. It's the economy. And the fact that I don't have the hindsight to see how bad things might get.

The housing market is declining, causing a credit crunch and banks to become unstable. The cost of oil is predicted to nearly double in price, the stock market is declining, and people are losing jobs. And now I have heard that Israel is planning to go to war with Iraq.

So...here’s my question~
As a (relatively) young person who has never seen the economy bad~ I might have been alive for it, but I was unaware of it~ is "this" (waving my arms to gesture towards everything around me) "bad"?
The last 10 years have been pretty good for me by my terms. I was always able to earn enough money to put a roof over my head, and food in the pantry. Many years in a row I also had plenty left over to go to restaurants and vacations too.

This year I have seen the cost of everything rise. But I still have enough money to put a roof over my head and have food in my pantry. There is just less money left over for extra stuff.

I have heard the economy will get worse. I am wondering how much worse. I obv. Wasn’t alive back then, but in my perspective the Great Depression is about as bad as it can get.
~Will it get to be like another Great Depression worse,
~or worse like I am able to put a roof over my head, food in the pantry but money is so tight that there nothing extra?
~Or will I NOT be able to put a roof over my head, food in my pantry without raiding my savings?

Another question, Short of nuclear war, is there a "perfect storm" for our economy? Is it possible for America to collapse? I know there are safeguards now in place to protect the economy, but are we in a position where we will soon be utilizing those safeguards? With the Indymac bank needing FDIC help, are we already starting to tap into the safeguards?

With our economy as intricate as it is, is it possible for anything to collapse?
I am just wondering if we are riding a downward wave and in 10 years we will be headed back up, or if America has cycled through its era of supremacy and is on it's way to being recorded in the history books as "it WAS a great nation."

I know the economy is cyclical, but I wonder if it is possible for our economy to just get off the track and run a whole new uncharted course. Or have these "things" (once again waving my arm around to everything around me) happened before where banks become unstable, oil becomes unavailable, large amounts of jobs are lost, ect.

Thanks for your input.

I broke down. I had to do it. I couldnt stand it any longer. I bought a vacume cleaner.
Every season I have always managed to either ignore the dirt or borrow a vacume cleaner. Not this year. I guess I must be getting old, because the dirt is getting to me. It got to the point where I was showering twice a day because sitting in this apartment made me feel that dirty.
So I bought a dirt devil hand vacume. Hopefully we should have room left in the jeep to take it back with us next month.
I feel so much better! I was on my hands and knees all morning long vacuming the whole apartment.
It was $53.00. I have no money left after making a hefty contribution to my credit card debt, so this purchase came from Baseball boy's account. He wont mind.
Ahhh! I feel so good. I'm going to take one last shower now because I am covered in dustand grime from vacuming all morning.

The reality show "Maxed out" is on the style network right now. People who are drowning in debt are given a financial coach to really "see" their money problems then to learn to overcome them.

The show takes somewhat extreme people, but kind of average people who have just made normal typical mistakes. Car leases, confusing home business expenses with personal expenses, weird investments, ect.

I just think its fascinating where, how other people choose to spend their money. I have no idea why, LOL. Are you guys interested in the spending habits of other people? Even strangers? Or is it just me? Or is that a stupid question because I am asking people who read financial blogs, the epitimy of peeking into other peoples lives? LOL.

The show is on a marathon all day until 4pm.

I just ate a quarter of a cookie dough log. Ugh. I love cookie dough but swore it off about 2 yrs ago when I ate a whole log in the span of 3 days and within a day after that I had gained nearly 3 lbs! I am a small girl so that 3 lbs had a noticable effect on me.

I have no idea what caused me to suddenly drive to the grocery store today and buy a cookie dough log. After 2 yrs of good behavior and discipline. And of course, I must eat the rest so it does not go to waste.

*sigh* I guess this secret eating junk food compulsion is another side effect of the road trip. I would never have done this if Baseball boy was around.

I see budgeting and eating right as a complimentary discipline. Both are hard to do, but if done properly, the effects are noticable and worthwhile. And I just fell off the wagon.

I'm going to bring up a topic that -well-I have never come across publicly discussed on a personal level. This topic seems to be more harshly judged than sex and only seems to be discussed between close friends for only a few minutes. When this topic is verbally discussed, voices lower, and suddenly it sounds like you are discussing the death of a loved one.

It's a mix of planning the wedding and watching Suze Orman that reminded me I still gotta get it done. (So you all know where I stand on the issue)

Pre-nups. What do you think? Better question, what do you have? I am thinking alot of people advise others to get pre-nups when they themselves dont have one.
I have privately given this topic alot of thought. I am for it. For me. Now there are alot of pros and cons here. So I dont think there is a universal law applying to all people. Here is my reasoning, next I want to hear yours.

I have never been married or divorced. I dont know how I would react in a divorce, but can't believe I would not act emotionally, rather than logically. I might try and take the man for all he is worth. I might drag out a divorce to make him suffer. I dont know. I have seen it happen. Why would I think I am above that, when others have behaved this way?

Now you will ask why I am thinking I might get a divorce when I am planning a wedding. But I'm trying to be practical. If over 50% of marriages end in divorce, I truly dont think those couples planned to get a divorce either. They were equally or more in love than I am. I think it's very arrogant of me to assume my marriage will last when 50% of others dont.

I have some assets to protect, but when Baseball boy and I agreed to a pre- nup (my idea) he had the earning potential to just slaughter any income I ever make. I wanted to protect him. From me. From a revengeful, spiteful version of me. I wanted to plan the 'divorce' when we were in love, so we would agree on a fair division, and think this through rationally.

Baseball boy was initially against it. But could not really express why. So after he got used to the idea he agreed to it. But he doesnt like to talk about it. Planning "it" (I dont even like saying the word publicly myself) has fallen on my shoulders. Baseball boy is still uncomfortable with it and just tries to get out of the conversation ASAP whenever I bring it up.

So, pre-nuptial agreements, anyone want to open this pandoras box with me?

Hi all, back from my Georgia trip. Got alot done in 2 1/2 days, I planned the whole wedding! (I am exhausted, we met with vendors from 10am to 7pm all day long)

The wedding is over budget. I keep looking at my list wondering "where did it all go wrong?" There are a few areas (like hair and makeup for bridal party and myself $560!)that are outrageous but I tried very hard to go to multiple vendors-they're just all expensive!
I justify it as paying for accountability and reliability as well as service, since I am an out of town bride. I'll post the wedding totals later.
I managed to squeeze in a short house hunting trip too. I come back to report disheartening news- I dunno what I'm going to do. The houses I had sent to the realtor on my list to look at are in very dangerous areas of the city. I THOUGHT 250k is a bit of a lower middle class price range- not in Savannah. Much more expensive city than I realized.

So my realtor told me that when I come back to look at houses again we will look at condos in safer neighborhoods (but a good 800 sq ft smaller than I was hoping to get into). So thats disapointing, but I guess safety and security is expensive nowadays.

Finances are improving. The jeep has tires once again. $600. ouch. But Baseball boy got a win last night, so job security is good for at least another week. That helps our peace of mind. But his job security is always low, we never count on his paycheck, because he is one injury away from retiring.

We thought the end was soon last week. I didnt want to post anything because its hard to explain the reasoning and logic of buerocracies when you're going through them, you are never sure what is going on or how things will turn out till they turn out.

Baseball boy was injured (very minor) but needed a 2 week rest. According to this leagues regulations he had to go on the 30 day disabled list and just receive workmens compensation. During this time, the coach decided he needed to replace baseball boy to have a 'stand in' guy on the roster to fill baseball boy's spot. So baseball boy was released from the team with the understanding he would be signed back after he was cleared of his 30 day sentence.

Baseball boy was very uncertain he would be signed back because if the new player performed well, then there is no room for baseball boy to get back on the team. So he called a few other teams and was in negotiations to move possibly to Canada.
The next day the tires were stolen from my jeep. The day after that I had a flight scheduled to go to Ga. Things were chaotic and a mess. Baseball boy was trying to remain unsigned as long as possible to recieve workmans comp from the original team, but still keep Canada interested until I got back and could handle the jeep issues myself. Luckily, our original team wanted him back, and he signed back yesterday and got a win yesterday!

Unfortinately, they signed him back at $1100 a month, decreasing his pay by $300. It's pretty common to do that this late in the season, when a player has no team to play for, and many rosters are filled, you can get players very cheaply, and of course Baseball boy was in a bind where it would have been a couple hundred bucks to drive and move to Canada and live in a hotel for the remainder of the season, or stay here for less pay. It is just a tad smarter to stay here.

Our emergency fund is wiped out with the dog getting sick and then dying, the move and drive across states, and then the tires. I dont see it getting replenished until after the wedding in November because,well-theres a wedding going on.

But the house down payment fund will keep earning interest (100 bucks a month is a 100 bucks), I am burned out on house hunting. I just dont trust the listings anymore. There are some things that cameras dont capture in real estate ads.
and theres been no need to dip into retirement savings, so hopefully we are clear of financial hurdles for a bit.

Tomorrow is the day I am scheduled to fly to Savannah to meet with wedding coordinators and meet with a realtor to look at some houses.

I am leaving poor baseball boy with his job security low right now (team is releasing players left and right while they are on a major losing streak), there are still no tires on my jeep, and other teams have been calling Baseball boy to play for them in other states and Canada. So it is chaos here. All I can do is leave my belongings packed up so that if Baseball boy must leave while I am gone I can find a way to get wheels on the jeep and go meet him wherever he is.
In the meantime I am excited to finally see in person the houses I have been researching online.

But now is just not the right time to buy in my desired Georgian city. The housing bubble seems to have burst down there, but the sellers have not aknowledged it yet. A majority of the houses that caught my eye when I initially started online looking 6 months ago are still listed for sale, with no price drop.

Comparing housing listing prices vs the price the home was purchased for a few years ago, sellers are still asking high margins of profit. Some homes are asking 50-75k over the initial price!

So I will look, and learn, and listen, but my checkbook will remain dusty. Oh well. Probably good with everything else so crazy lately.

I walked out of my apartment complex today to find my brand new, shiny, pretty jeep wrangler up on cinder blocks.



The thieves were attracted to my upgraded, big mudding tires that I bought off of craigslist for $600 and failed to mention to my insurance company. That was a my bad.

To their credit, Geico has been great, so far. We will see. They have provided me with a rental car free to me until next Thursday. An assessor is coming out Mon or Tuesday to circle thecar and confirm that the wheels, tires, rims are truly missing.

I called the cops, who handed me a card with a claim number, and said my situation is too bad.

I called the jeep dealership and they have nothing in stock. Everything is being imported from Detroit and wont be in till the 4th or 5th. They agreed to balance and mount the tires before we pick them up, and put them on the jeep ourselves at the apartment complex.

I am sad that Geico demands I buy standard, factory rims and tires or there is no coverage. I wouldnt mind paying the difference for the bigger tires, but Geico wont do it.

Here's the kicker- My jeep wheels had a tire lock. They were LOCKED ONTO THE JEEP. The thieves got the lock key out of the center consol and removed my tires, LEAVING THE 5TH WHEEL ON THE BACK OF THE JEEP! They TOOK THE LOCK KEY WITH THEM! So I cant remove the 5th wheel.

Now I will be driving my jeep with small standard tires and a big honking mudding tire on the back.

And since they didnt steal the 5th tire, Geico wont pay to replace the 5th tire, so I will have to pay for a spare tire myself. Although I dont know where to store it, with the big supersized tire locked onto the back of my vehicle.

And I have to pay my $500 deductible. So I pay $500 for tires that are crappier than I had yesterday. {{sigh}} And until everything arrives late next week, my jeep is propped up on cinder blocks, redneck style.

Yup- this set me back quite a bit. At this point, due to Baseball team issues I dont feel comfortable announcing to the world at the moment- we are bleeding money. This was it. We are borrowing from future savings to pay this deductible, and if one more thing goes wrong, I just dont know what we will do.

Oh- and they got my IPOD.

I was in shock all morning. Going through the motions to do what I gotta do- and now I find it mildly amusing. Theres nothing I can do, I might as well laugh at hoow comical it is to see a brand new, shiny wrangler on cinder blocks.

Well, in a few weeks I will be traveling to Savannah, GA. Anybody live in that area? I am going to meet with wedding vendors to finalize wedding details, but while I am there I will be devoting a day to house looking. (not house hunting yet~ just looking right now.)Is it bad that I am way more excited to be house looking than wedding planning?

I contacted a realtor who has agreed to show me properties. Now, I want to do this whole house business right. And by right I mean~ not get taken advantage of, not be misled.
I have a short list of houses I want to look at, but have not talked to the realtor otherwise. We have both been very casual at this point.

Now I know the realtor will work for me up to a point, but really will be working for himself. After all, his comission is based on the dollar amount I end up spending.
So when he asks me what my price range is, I'm not sure what to say. Do I give him a range lower than my absolute limit?

I am afraid if I tell him my real limit he will:
1. only show me houses at the top of the limit or above that limit.
2. Later not work hard to negotiate the price down for me knowing that I could afford more than I am verbally saying I want to spend on the house.

I also ask if anyone is from the area because I being out of state, would appreciate 'local' perspectives of the market. Looking at the national market hardly helps when you are pinpointing one city.

I think the market is declining now, but still has room to go down more. I'm just wondering if it's in a downward spiral, leveling out, or just now starting to go down. Many houses I looked at online months ago are still listed, but only 1 has decreased it's price, and was then purchased immediately.

Right now I am taking time to learn about the market, and see in person how much house I can get for my money as another step in the education process. I hate to waste this realtor's time when I wont be making a purchase this weekend, but think I do plan to purchase within 6 months.

So advice on what to tell/not to tell my realtor is appreciated, and advice on the Savannah, GA market is also appreciated.


Opps! Forgot about chronicling yesterdays spending:
$6 for Baseball boy's lunch~ not bad!

Well, Baseball boy and I share a 2 bedroom apartment with another player and we all get along really well.
Yesterday our roomate told us that he has heard a rumor we will be getting a 3rd roomate.
Apparently this third roomate has a reputation with the ladies and our current roomate is a bit hesitant to get excited about sharing a room with that kind of activity going on.

So what solution was found? Stick the new guy in the laundry room!

We honestly have an empty laundry room in the apartment to fit a washer/dryer.

So the men moved the extra twin bed in the apartment to the laundry room last night. It barely fits. The bed takes up 80% of the room.

But there is an empty linen closet right across the hall, and after I went through shock and then hysterical laughter that they were really doing this, I think it is a workable solution.

Our spending yesterday was high. Not by me, but by Baseball boy. I talked to him yesterday about 'no spend days' and tracking culminated daily expenses, but like I said yesterday, he has a problem not 'counting' expenses as an 'expense'. He was all happy he spent "$15 yesterday" but then I asked him how that was possible when he spent $60 in vitamins and he argued that doesnt count because they will last him at least the next month or two.

*sigh* silly boy.

So here is yesterdays total:
$4 to wash/vacume out the car
$6 for Baseball boy's (fast food) lunch...just could not get him on board with my goal to eliminate fast food.
$5 for pizza for dinner for both of us..(it was kind of gross, will not be eating there again despite the cheap pizza)
$60 in vitamins...whateveh!
Total: $75

Ok, Ok, I promised an update on my admitted credit card debt. Baseball boy and I sat down, looked at the numbers last night and made some progress, but really need more info so decided to wait for this month's bills to come in and see what we're dealing with here in this new town.

In the meantime, I have been reading ya'll's blogs, and stumbled across the "Supersize Me...Not" blog from I forget who wrote it. And although I watched the fast food documantary over a year ago, the documentary's message resided with me and it drastically led to a reduction in fast food intake for me.

However, I am officially declaring to the world (you guys being the world I guess)that I am now going to eliminate fast food from my diet. No more fast food. No Burger King, No Taco Bell, no Arbys. Yes to Pizza joints. Some people consider Pizza Hut, Dominos, ect. fast food. I dont. If it has a drive through, it's a 'No Go' zone.
To be brutally honest I dont expect this to very hard. I have been a vegetarian longer than I havnt been one, so really soda, fries or a baked potato was all I ever ordered.
And lately when Baseball boy suggests fast food, it just makes my stomach turn. I have been hard core working out for almost a year now and 'being healthy' is seeping into other areas of my life, including eating healthy, and decreasing alcohal intake.
So really I am setting an easily obtainable goal. I am a cheater. I'll admit it. I am really declaring this so that I will eliminate the one fast food visit I make every few months. go me. whooho.

In other news I noticed that several of you chronicle your spending daily here. I would like to try that too. I am unsure of the rules, but I will start it. But only will be logging MY spending, because Baseball boy can be hard to track. He's the type to stop at White Castle on the way home from the gym, eat it in the car and tell me he's starving when he gets home, and say "lets get lunch." I only know he ate already by the smell of dead carcass in the car.

So heres my spending yesterday:
$0
Now that I think of it, this might be hard to do. Baseball boy pays for alot of my little daily expenses. Example, he put $20 in the car we share yesterday. Hmmm...well, I already know I dont spend $$ on 'things', I tend to blow the budget about 1x a month on something big, like last weeks Mall of America trip.

Well, I have gotten in the habit of posting a little story, a little something everyday on this site. Generally I find a topic and stick with it. Not today, I'm going to jump all over the place to see if you can keep up.

First, to update yesterdays omission of credit card guilt~ Baseball boy and I have a meeting to sit down tonight and do a thorough financial gameplan to eliminate the debt as fast as possible. He has been much more open to discussing finances lately, and I can only guess it's because he finally has a paycheck coming in. Looking back, I realize I tend to get money obsessive during the times he's unemployed. LOL.
So problem resolution will be posted soon.

I am still feeling numb and 'out of it' from putting down my dear dog yesterday, so I'm having trouble thinking in depth or following a string of thoughts today. Hence the illogical blog jumpings-

Next, a house that I have been eyeing online has gone under contract. And not under my contract. I am really upset over this. I invested alot of research into this house, and had big plans for it. Only I have never seen it in person. I was planning to see it at the end of this month when I am in that town doing wedding stuff.
The damn house was overpriced for months and finally the sellers lowered the asking price by 30k and *swoop* some pheonix couple grabbed it. (you see what kind of research I am capable of? I even know the buyers hometown)
I bet they have no plans to put in a cobblestone driveway with a large latice overhang the way I did. And enclose it with a stone fence with iron toppers, and have a big wraught iron gate at the end of the driveway.
*sigh*. Oh well. They say not to fall in love, and I did, but now I have a "love standard" against which to compare all other houses I look at in a few weeks.
Looking online, there are some houses worth looking at, but none compare in size/quality/price. Well, the location was iffy, so maybe it just wasnt meant to be.

And finally, Baseball boy is talking about getting another dog. I admit I went on a rescue website today and it breaks my heart knowing those adorable dogs are homeless and in need of a family. But I have some reservations with buying a house already owning a large dog. I am trying to figure out how much homeowners insurance will increase if I have a dog. I am wondering if getting a large dog AFTER I buy and insure my house isnt a smarter thing to do.

I was also thinking of telling Baseball boy we cant get a dog until this debt is paid off. If I can stick to my guns on that plan, the debt would surely be wiped out by the end of the summer.

Thats it for now. How do we like the blog styles? One topic or several? Which is more fun to read? I know I can drone on and get boring sometimes when I delve into a specific topic on my mind...

My dog is dying before my eyes.

She has been diagnosed with cancer for a few months now.

The vet assured us he removed all of it 2 months ago when it was first spotted, but said it will likely come back and to keep an eye out.

3 weeks later she was back at the vet to have 4 lumps removed and sent in for testing.

We just heard back from the testing that it is aggressive (long medical terms) and obviously there is nothing to be done.

I say obviously because in the 8 days it took to get the test results back hundreds of lumps have formed over her entire body and are growing phenomenally fast.

Her breathing is labored, she is very mopey, and just has no energy.

She has been on over the counter tagnet and benedryl and up until this morning the medicine was doing a world of difference in her energy and appetite.

Not today. She positions her body in such a way and just wont move a muscle except to move her eyes.

This is a terrible blow to Baseball boy and I because just yesterday we took her out to the park for an hour to walk around and be petted by children.

Her mind is still very good. She is aware of her surroundings, listens to the people outside our apartment, comes (laborously) when called, but she seems to be going in and out of pain, to relief, and back to pain again.

I am new to the area, so I called a Vet hospital that I passed by yesterday and made plans to bring her in Wed morning. There were no openings for tomorrow, and I am worried about keeping her going beyond her comfort level just because the vet is booked with appointments.

Baseball boy rescued her as a gift to me 6 yrs ago. She started out as 'my' dog, but she is really his.

Neither of us has owned a dog before, so she has taught us alot.

Of course whenever I think about it, I start crying. Although I have had well over a month to prepare for this.

I cant figure out why I cry. Is it because I will miss her company? What does 'miss' really mean anyways? It's one of those words that you say, but when you break it down, I'm not sure of what 'missing someone' entails.

Is it because I worry for her well being after she is put down? Obv I have no idea of what happens after death, and I wish I could just take her wherever she ends up, check it out, and make sure she will be happy there.

Or maybe I cry because of the impending pain and guilt I will feel once this is all over. I know that I am in the middle of a tough process and it's about to get worse.

If I could analytically understand my emotions, it would help me to be more objective and kind of get through the ordeal. But I just start crying and I am not sure why.

Financially this will be an end to a very expensive process. This has run into the thousands this year, but every dollar was well spent for my peace of mind. And this dog did not cost us much at any other time except this past year, so she's been playing 'catch up' with our wallets.

Wed's trip will come from the retirement savings I have though, my EF was wiped out between the last vet visit and the recent move here.

This is horrible, and the closest I have come to feeling my heart break.

Suposedly we write these blogs anonymously. However, some of us are better than others to omit identifying information from our blogs. I am horrible at it.

My life has always been an open book, and I have rarely felt ashamed of my actions enough to hide anything.

So when writing the blogs, I give away a good amount of detail. And if you read my blog installments- even more detail comes to light.

I'm not so worried about a majority of bloggers who are 'strangers' but I wonder if any of you are people I personally know?

I doubt most of my friends or family would participate in this website, but I can see a few people I know interested in this topic. And it makes me paranoid that they will tell the rest of my friends and family and I wll be crucified for either 'airing my laundry publicly' or 'dragging their identities into my stories.'

Some things I write are selfish. Some things I write dont paint other people in the best light, and alot of things I write are a fraction of the picture as it pertains to that subject, but it's from my viewpoint, and sometimes I dont feel like being PC.

I would hate to lose this 'anonymous' space where I can chronicle the unedited version of my life.

Sometimes I participate in life and put on different 'identities' where I talk about one thing with one person, another person views me differently, and a whole other group of people know me as a totally different person than I normally am. I am many different things to many people and I find myself editing, omiting stories to 'click' with a particular person, and I worry that the things I write here, if discovered by someone I personally know, might offend them. (Wow. That was a horrible run-on sentence. Sorry about that.)

But maybe I put to much ego in my own writings and what I say would hardly impact a friend or families perspective.

I know people take themselves much more seriously than others take them.

Has anyone here been 'found out' by close friends, family or co-workers? Do you guys write for a specific audience, knowing, guessing, assuming or worrying that someone you personally know will be reading it and linking it you?

And do any of you reading this have a pretty good guess of who 'I' am? (maybe that sounds egotistical right there, to assume that my circle of friends is so large and I am at the fore of their minds so they immediately think of 'me' when reading my stories.)

LOL. maybe today's blog wasnt about money specifically. It was more about peace of mind.

Well, I just moved to MN about a week ago and though I am a nature lover, I figured I'd leave the goreous parks and head over to the Mall of America.

From the outside, it's just a gigantic warehouse looking thing. I was expecting a high rise I guess.

Inside, it's overwhelming. 4 Stories of stores. You just look up and up and up and up at the hallways and neon lights.

10 minutes into the expidition Baseball boy turns to me and says "I dont like this. Its just not right."

"What? What do you mean?" I ask.

"I look around and its like, consumer overload. I cant get away. I feel like I'm in a tunnel and its all man-made, heavily designed, manipulative methods used to sell to me and convince me to spend every dollar I have. It's just not right."

I agreed and clutched my purse tighter to my side. I was afraid. It was me against commercialism at it's best.

2 stores in, it got me. I had Baseball boy try on a brand of t-shirts he likes but we can only find at Macys in FL (here, the brand had it's own store), and as his pile grew to 3 shirts, I got into the spirit, and look- The brand carries a girls line! How cool! So I bought a shirt. $160 later we leave that store.

Then, its game on. I dont know. I must have blacked out. Those merchants know how to get my guard down. Pretty colors.

So over the next few hours we try on clothes, zig zag from one store to another. I found a HUGE scrapbooking store and gave Baseball boy $10 to get a smoothie just so I could be alone for a good hour in that store.

Then I bought 2 Old Navy tanks (like there isnt an Old Navy in every mall across the US)..so that was just silly.

I stopped in my tracks when I encountered the roller coasters. "Disney Land? Is that you?" No, its commercial America, Dora the explorer is here to greet you and take your money. Thank you very much.

I found it ironic that I suggested to Baseball boy we check out the aquarium. We come from Florida after all. He found it ironic that the aquarioum is on the second floor- thats alot of heavy water for one floor to hold!

Hmmm...what else did we get? Alot. I'm scared to look at my CC balance. It was bad. On the drive back home my senses cleared up, my mind woke up, because Baseball boy pressed his luck and suggested stopping at Target for butter and olive oil to which I angerly snapped "no! We're broke!"

But we need those two items. Baseball boy foolishly bought several Asian type of stirfry meals and only when he tried to cook them did he realize they required those key ingrediants.

Sigh. Target. We're coming back for you. Tomorrow. It NEVER ends.

I found a diamond. I FOUND a DIAMOND! How many times does that happen in ones life?
The story of how my diamond came into my possesion is not very interesting, and did not involve any skills, so I have no advice to pass onto you readers for how you too can find your own diamond.

I find it ironic that there was no mining the earth to find this precious jewel as a natural resource.

No. This is America. Any natural resource we have has already been located, exploited and sold to the consumer masses.

And since I live in America, my diamond came to me in true American fashion. It has already been polished, cut, and placed in 14k gold to sparkle and shine as diamonds in America do.

But enough about my comparision of American consumerism and my discovery...onto the story-

I recently moved into a new apartment for the summer. I have lived here just over a week. My fiance, Baseball boy, has been here almost 3 weeks, and our roomate has been here almost 2 months, living with two men before Baseball boy and I moved in.

Last night, I was cleaning crumbs off the carpet (no vacume here) I spotted a glittery, glistening, shiny little nugget of gold in the fibers of the carpet.

Picking it up, I realized it was a DIAMOND EARRING! No mate has been found yet.

Where it came from I havnt a clue. I imagine it possibly became dislodged from some girls ear during a heavy make out session on the couch with one of the previous baseball boys who lived here.

Or perhaps its even older than that and belonged to the previous resident and ewwww!...the apartment complex did not vacume and wash the carpet before the baseball group moved in.

Do I keep it? I could ask the previous players if any of their 'girlfriends' complained she lost an earring, but doubt the players will care enough to even track down the girl missing the earring. I guess I will at least do that. Beyond that, I dont see anything else I can do.

But it's a real diamond. In real gold.
I am not a yellow gold girl and wear silver or white gold, so I would prefer to exchange it somewhere for cash but dont know where to do that.

If it's not worthwhile to sell, then I will keep it. I have already sterilized it and found a back for it. I have several piercings in one ear so this little diamond will look good at the top hole of my ear, and I will make an exception to wear yellow gold for this little diamond.

My my my...I wonder if there is some type of lesson here about keeping a dirty apartment...

I am a longtime reader, short time participant. Sometimes I think I am ahead of the game and I have my %&*! together, other times I feel like an ideot and a dunce.

A few things that are important to keep in mind when you read to my thoughts:

~I am a terrible speller
~I second guess myself constantly
~I am a very picky eater (not so important to you, very important to me)
~I am fascinated by money and all the different options available to spend, save or invest money
~my friends think I am one of the most 'got it together' people they know, and I let them think that but I dont know how true it is.
~I am truly, truly blessed but that does not stop me from encountering problems.

A little background to give a context surrounding my thoughts:

~I come from an upper middle class home but never knew it growing up. I always thought we were struggling.
~ my mom passed away a few years ago but when she was alive she was the most extravegant/miserly person I have ever met.
~I used to live like a pauper to avoid asking my mom for money. The gult trip I received was never worth whatever I needed.
~ now my mom's money is my money and I am trying to become a financially smart woman, but its hard emotionally and mentally to go from a starving -just getting-by mentality to a more-money-than-you-ever-thought-you-would-see mindset.
~My friends have no sympathy from me (nor would I expect them to) but in order to keep my friendships secure there is alot of problems in my life that I cant talk about with them.
~I have a deep set feeling of guilt for having money I feel I did not earn. I feel that none of my accomplishments are 'my accomplishments' because I had 'help' attaining the achievement.
~After paying my mom's bills I have not touched a dime of the liquid cash available to me in order to seperate 'my achievements' from 'my inheritance' but I still feel everyone looks at me and just sees me as a lucky trust fund girl.
~I chose to leave my hometown after high school and now live across the country from my lifelong friends. I miss them terribly but my fiance hates my home state (MI) so I am sad that I will likely never live near my friends again.

And in closing, here are my stats that are helpful to know when reading my thoughts:

~I am a 28yr old female
~I just earned a Masters degree in communications (Whoohoo!)
~I am engaged and have been dating a great guy for the past 10 yrs (so weddings and home buying are on my mind alot)
~my fiance plays professional baseball but he's not a signing bonus guy so the lifestyle eats up more money than he makes. He's getting kind of old in the baseball world so its very doubtful he will ever make it to the majors.
~It's pointless to state where I live because the baseball lifestyle keeps me moving every few months. I love traveling, so I dont mind it, actually I love it, but I guess other people get confused keeping up with me.
~I have not worked for 2.5 yrs because my life turned upside down when my mother died and I chose to follow a few different avenues besides the corporate life (though I'm ready to get back into it soon)
~I started my own work from home business after my mom died and was very sucessful but burned out on it very quickly, so I closed it last year, yet I still tell people I have not worked in 2.5 years...thats odd. I just noticed that.

So...I guess that sums up me. Or a part of me. I guess my future blogs will paint a more complete picture. And I hope that reading my thoughts helps you in some way. I enjoy reading other people's blogs, and writing helps me organize my thoughts, so I will give this blog writing a shot.