Ok well- wedding has come and gone and the FINAL NUMBERS are in!!
I am not proud of the final numbers...but I am proud that SOMEHOW we paid for the wedding IN FULL!
Drum roll...final cost of the wedding...$23,630. I have done my part of keeping the economy humming along.
We started off with $8,000 in savings when we started wedding planning over a year and a half ago. Then I paid what I could as we went along. We entered the wedding weekend $11,000 in wedding debt but made back $9,000. After pulling a few thousand from the house down payment fund...WE HAVE NO DEBT!!
It's been over a year that I have been juggling numbers and budgets regarding the wedding...and entering into that type of situation all over again regarding buying a house just exhausts me. I am tired of debt. I am tired of giving people money. I am tired of having money in the bank but it's earmarked for something else.
For a little while...I just want the money sitting in the account to be sitting in the account. I'm tired of running numbers to see how far it will stretch for the next big purchase. I am tired of having faith that the money needed will come from somewhere when we need it.
I truthfully feel a bit pressured by Baseball man to buy a house right now. He comes at me with lots of rational arguments on why we should buy NOW (like this week)..and the only rational thing I can say back at him is that we need to wait and see if house prices come down a bit more. Or that we don't have enough of a cushion after we buy the house for emergencies. Then after he has listed his rational reasons why we should buy now he throws the last years worth of whining I have been doing about wanting a house back in my face. He gives me a guilt trip because I have been whining that I want a house and now he is mentally all ready to buy it and now I am pulling the rug out from under him.
I'm not sure why...but after researching weddings and doing all that work for so long...I'm just tired. I'm just tired of buying things. I'm tired of taking big steps in my life. I'm emotionally exhausted here. And he is raring to go.
And I HATE throwing this in his face...but it's MY MONEY he wants to spend on the house! He's not contributing a DIME! And it's our money now...but when he wants to spend it ALL in one lump sum without doing any research I tend to revert back to the "It's my money" mindset.
I went ahead and wrote an offer for my Realtor today to present to the sellers of the house we like after Baseball man wore me down. We argued and he just kept arguing his point until I had no argument. On PAPER we can afford a house...but I kind of think in my head that we cant. Well- we wont go into foreclosure...but I don't think he realizes how tough it will be. Because on PAPER we can do it (barely). But he's all counting on me getting a job and that extra income will be our cushion. I'm scared to depended on this imaginary income he assumes I will make assuming I can find a job.
Then he's talking about tapping into my IRA if I cant find a job, and I'm worried about counting on that as well because I just lost $25,000 in the IRA in October. 8 more months like that and IT'S GONE. Gone. Gone. Gone. I'm not even going into the guilt I will feel regarding losing all my parents hard earned money.
So that's where we are at. Maybe things will seem brighter tomorrow. We finally have his parents full support on this thing. Now that I got my wish (his parents realize we are capable adults and don't need to be babied) I am OK with sitting tight in this rented house...unfortunately I created a monster with my previous desire to buy a house.
That's my rant.
Wedding numbers...and a bit of a rant
November 6th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
November 6th, 2008 at 11:55 pm 1226015739
November 7th, 2008 at 12:01 am 1226016083
November 7th, 2008 at 12:01 am 1226016114
November 7th, 2008 at 01:55 am 1226022946
From the outside looking in, I do think that it would be wise to wait on spending another $xxx,xxx on a house within such a short time of spending all that on the wdding. It's been an emotional stress-filled time, and it sounds like taking time to unwind from that might be in order before rushing in. I'm all too familiar with the "wearing me down" feeling that just makes you give in to whatever just to get out from under the pressure, but I can't imagine doing that on a HOUSE!
Perhaps you can stall until after the 1st of the year, or after you have a job, and have stashed some money from that. A house always costs more than originally planned, for emergency repairs or for furnishing that you hadn't really planned on initially. It's great that he's caught up and on the same page as you've been, but now it sounds like he's speed reading and not getting the full impact of the words on the page!
November 7th, 2008 at 04:57 am 1226033865
Me and my wife have a rule. If one of us doesn't approve a purchase, then the purchase doesn't happen. If I want a riding lawn mower and she says no.. no it is. And vise versa.
We also use this rule for any change in the budget. Any change must be approved by both.
I truly believe that accounts and money should be joint. Probably one of the hardest things. But I believe that the rules should be in place first.
You are a team now. Good luck and glad your back.
November 7th, 2008 at 03:58 pm 1226073522
Don't lie and say it is because prices might come down. Just tell him your emotional state. Start out that way because that is a skill you are going to have to have and he will need to respect it.
It will be a while before you feel like it is 'our' money. When we were engaged, everything was separate, as soon as we walked out of the church, everything was joined. But it still FELT like mine vs. his. It doesn't now. It just takes time.
November 7th, 2008 at 04:24 pm 1226075041
1st-You will have the pride of paying for the wedding in full for the rest of your life CONGRATS (I too paid for our wedding 15 years ago and the honeymoon at about $15,000).
2nd-just say it like a broken record, TIRED, need a break. Explain it like a sport, ie TIME OUT COACH!
3rd-you will do great buying a house in this market anyway, the prices are extremely to your advantage.