Well 2012 seems to be here and my life did not get sorted out before it arrived. So I'm going to set some goals, though I feel like my life is still unpredictable and might head in wild directions.
Goal 0: Implement CA plan. This is to sell CA, pay off our primary mortgage, CCs, HELOC, lawyer, and find a safe place for the remaining money to rest.
Goal 0A: Get a lawyer to draw up paperwork sorting my inheritance from BB's financial contributions. My inheritance is my money unless I mingle it, which I have by putting so much into real estate, and BB has agreed that we should seperate it on paper to put my mind at ease.
Goal 1: build up a $5k emergency fund for each property we own.
Goal 2: by May 2012, go back to saving $200 month for a replacement BB car.
Goal 3: Start horse riding again.
Goal 4: Start a ROTH IRA for BB so he can save for retirement.
I guess those are my goals. My head is mostly filled with plans and it's hard for me to separate the two, though I do think it is important to create both plans and goals.
I try to look down the road and envision what I want next Christmas to look like, but it's so fuzzy. I'm still wrapping my head around the changes going on. BB retiring from baseball and going head on into a real estate investment career.
But that means good things are on the horizon. BB has found another career hes really passionate about. We just need to do it right.
Viewing the 'Baseball Boy' Category
Well 2012 seems to be here and my life did not get sorted out before it arrived. So I'm going to set some goals, though I feel like my life is still unpredictable and might head in wild directions.
I am posting as a way to organize my thoughts. Actually this is a vent. I need it. I wish I had great news to post, but my luck has not been going in a positive direction lately. Everything is still ok, just not making the progress we were making in the past.
A lot of changes are going on right now. So Iím trying to mentally stay ahead of each step.
The CA condo will be going up for sale in Feb. BB is going out there for 10 days in Jan to get it ready to go on the market.
BB will apply for disability in January. We are meeting a disability lawyer in late Jan to get information and involve him (lawyer) in the process. We were told to apply ourselves on the 1st even though BB will likely get rejected, so no time is wasted.
BB is going to have another back surgery. He went to the Dr a week ago to fill out disability paperwork and the Dr wants to remove the screws that are in the back to try and relieve some pain. This will be a week long recovery and then some rehab, so not a huge surgery, but also not a simple procedure. Especially since the Dr is in FL, so weíll be 6 hrs from home for the surgery and recovery.
BBís parents have been getting a divorce since August. BBís dad has decided to move to GA and restart his life.
BB and his dad have decided to start a real estate business together. This will allow BB to have an income without working if he gets the disability. BB will be an investor and his dad will be the other investor. Together, they are not too handy so they plan to sub out any work that needs to be done. I want to get behind this plan, but Iím just not really on board. They talk about this plan several times a day, but I donít know. Honestly, BB wonít be contributing very much to the company b/c he doesnít have any money to invest. I think his dad feels bad that BB is injured and is facing 30 yrs of not working and is trying to help BB by starting this company.
I think they will be ok- I am hoping they donít go overboard with the leveraging. Right now they want a few rental properties and once they have a steady income, they talk about flipping one house a year. But I just sigh when I think about it.
In the beginning of all this talk, BB was talking about buying properties for ridiculously low prices. $50k for a building and putting in $10k of remodeling to get it renter ready. The only buildings in that price range are falling down. I pointed that out but BB was confident he could find deals. He said he has been on the MLS and there are lots of good properties in that price range. So I let it go.
In the beginning, they were not going to start until the divorce is final so the business does not get dragged into splitting assets.
Guess what? BB has started looking at properties. Guess what? All of them are over $150k. Suddenly these are the good deals and less than $150k costs too much to fix up.
I guess I think this business could go somewhere (there certainly are great deals out there) if BB had some patience and if he was using his own money (which he does not have). He has good intentions. He thinks he can play this game and come out ahead. But every time he finds a property he likes it is ďthe deal of the yearĒ and he is fixated on it and making an offer and not letting it get away. He has no formula to see what price he needs to get it for, guesses at a rental potential, no checklist to see about fix ups. He uses his gut and wonít listen to anything negative about the place.
I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I find myself going extremely negative on the property trying to get him to come to the centerline and be neutral and objective. His energy and mind gets so pumped up and it causes me to stress and want to cry because he is being so (happy) emotional. I have to step back and retreat because his energy is too overwhelming for me. So I throw up my hands and say that I donít want my name on this plan. But then later I insist on researching and seeing the place because I donít want my husband getting involved in a bad deal and dragging down our future.
He allows himself to get fixated on properties without even going in them. Then when he goes in them and sees the reason why no one else has bought the place, he is so disappointed. I keep telling him ďthere must be something wrong with it, why else has it not been purchased?Ē But he thinks itís because he found it first, not because more experienced people than him have rejected it and itís waiting for a sucker buyer.
And if the property does not work out, (thankfully none of them have), he is crushed. He starts searching the internet again and talks about how disappointed he was about the previous property.
And then he finds a new property to be excited about in a day!
We are going to look at another property today. Itís huge and the outside is beautiful. But itís in a non desirable neighborhood. Itís actually one street away from my 1st house that we bought (that I still love). Now that we currently live in a better neighborhood than that area, I have perspective and can see how that neighborhood is such a big obstacle to overcome when deciding where to live. And I can see how long it takes for neighborhoods to improve. When we bought our first house, I was sure the neighborhood was on its way up and would be a highly desirable area in a few years. Well, itís been about 4 yrs and the neighborhood has gotten worse.
I think it is renter ready (based on the outside and MLS pics). But for the neighborhood, I think it is listed slightly high. Itís a foreclosure, and the previous owner kept selling it back n forth between himself and his company at hugely inflated prices and taking out higher and higher mortgages on it. I think the bank was left with around a $300k debt on it. Itís listed for $190k now.
Even if BB gets it for $30k less than its listed for, which is what he is thinking to offer, I think that will be a solid price for the property. Not a deal and certainly not a steal!
But BB has a lot of emotions running through him. I know thatís whatís spurring all of this. And I donít know how to calm him down.
He wants to be contributing. He is being helpful in his housework but he wants to be making a financial contribution towards the family. Iím doing everything I can to not have him feel this way, but itís not working. He wants an income. Now. Today.
He wants to have a title. A career. He wants to be able to tell people he has properties and have a whole smoke n mirrors thing going that even though itís his Dadís money, he can call it his company. He doesnít want to tell people he is unemployed or on disability.
He wants to be using his time effectively. I am at work all day every day, and he wants to be doing something. Real Estate is something we are both interested in, and he wants to have something to show for his days. He wants a project.
I understand all these things, even though he has not come out and said them. I just donít know how to slow him down. He has a project; itís called our 1st rental property. And he ignores it. Right now itís pretty self sufficient, but it could always use some attention. But attention costs money and he doesnít have any, so he wants to use house money to put his attention elsewhere.
So all I do is keep hoping something is wrong with the properties he is finding. I keep hoping heíll burn out a bit and see this as a job, not something to be sacrificing for and chomping at the bit to do. Then he can get some objectivity.
But heís not going to burn out. Because his dad is all excited too. Itís a new chapter, a new start and his dad is as anxious to get started as BB. So they are on the phone all day keeping each other pumped up.
And the crazy way he and his dad have plans to move the money to avoid violating disability and keep it separate from the divorceÖ.thatís another story that makes me sigh.
Well, like it or not it looks like we are going to be a losing a full time income. Permanently. BB has never really recovered from his back injury and is making plans to go on disability. The surgery worked as well as it can work, but the Dr failed to tell us that all the ďthings that could happen as a result of the surgeryĒ are likely to happen. When a Dr. tells you about paralysis and death, you know they are telling you things to cover themselves, and that makes all the other things seem like stretches as well.
But BB only does have a limited amount of mobilization, and he is in different stages of pain constantly. He can work for a few hours at a time. But not be doing the same thing for those few hrs. If he is on his feet for too long, his back hurts. If he sits for too long, his back hurts. If he jolts his back- he is out for the rest of the day.
And now his body is having a negative reaction to the pain pills. Something about eating through his stomach lining. He canít take more than half his dosage without having severe stomach pains. Last season he was using pain pills regularly and his bile ducts leaked and had to be removed. After the surgery the Dr said he thinks it was caused from the pain pills. Another fact that they warned as a possibility that we didnít think it was a probability. I was kind of disappointed that he was being prescribed the medicine knowing it will lead to a breakdown of his organs.
So BB is going in for another surgery next month. To try and ease the pain for him. But the Dr has already said heíll sign off on disability paperwork to help BBís case.
So from the little data we have gathered so far:
BB must not work for 6 months before he can file.
Because he is young, he will probably get rejected a few times before it is approved. We can expect it to take up to a year and a half before the benefits start.
This is a decision that means BB cannot work at all while on disability. There are some instances where he might be able to do side jobs if he earns less than X per year...but itís up to the judge to set the parameters.
Because BB is young, has not paid much into the system and hasnít earned huge salaries in the past, I think we can expect it to be less than $1000 a month.
BB will get Medicare after he starts getting disability.
If BB ever feels better enough to get a job, he can go off disability, but he will probably never be able to go back on.
And I think I heard that he will get no Social Security benefits when he is retirement age. Something about him getting his SS money now instead of later.
So thatís the newest. We have been dealing with this for a few weeks now, but I am finally starting to get a little familiar with the terms and get my head wrapped around all this.
Wow- I really cried when BB laid it all out for me. I was so selfish for one night and BB was great about letting me have my moment to grieve all the future plans that we would be giving up.
And the details are still really blurry, but I think this is our new reality. Iím slowing allowing it to sink in.
Well, BB was slightly melodramatic when he explained the back surgery to me.
He wont be in the hospital for a MONTH. He will be there 3-4 days. He'll be pretty immobile at the house for 10-14 days until the staples come out. After that he will have pain but can do most average things.
Rehab will be about 3 months but he can do that here in GA.
So we are looking at about 2 weeks in FL for the surgery and recovery and then daily rehab here in GA.
BB is now pretty excited (if you can be excited about major back surgery). He talked to the big league trainer for his team who has rehabbed about a hundred of these surgeries. The trainer said BB will be in pain when he wakes up from surgery- but immediately he will notice that his legs no longer tingle or go numb.
The trainer also said that there are about a dozen players still playing in the big leagues after having undergone the same surgery. BB feels better that they are still able to competitively slide/run/throw with the best talent around- then he should be able to do normal activities like workout and play with his kids. BB is talking about being able to go on walks with me, canoeing with me, bike riding...all things he could not do before.
So now BB is ready for the surgery. He was upfront with his employer and told them what he was thinking. The team boss was cool and told BB to do what he needed to do. They are familiar with the surgery and know he will be ready to coach again next year. So it seems like we have job security but you never know.
BB said last night that he wants to use the Big League trainer for his rehab while he is recovering in FL. The trainer is an employee of the team and does not work through insurance- so BB will have to pay him out of pocket. I am all for BB getting quality rehab, but I was a little irritated when BB just casually stated that he wants to use the trainer and pay him on a per session basis. The guy is the head trainer on a big league payroll. How much money you think he makes an hour? I bet a lot. When we have health insurance that will pay for rehab! I'm going to let BB work that out on his own- I am hoping the team will help out BB and set up something with the trainer.
As for The Impulsive Purchase? Things are up in the air. We'll see.
BB needs back surgery. Major back surgery.
He ruptured 2 disks about 5-6 years ago preparing for spring training and has been gimping along since. He never went in for treatment because no team would take him and the liability of his injury if they suspected they would have to pay for surgery/rehab and maybe disability. So he pretended nothing hurt and downplayed his back injury whenever a team asked about his MRI results.
Now that he is no longer playing, BB went in and had a cartilage shot put in to relieve some of the pain. The shot worked for about 3 days and the pain returned.
This made BB even more sensitive to the pain and now he is almost in agony. He went to a Back Specialist who diagnosed it as Degenerative Disk disease and said there is no option other than surgery. They need to put rods and bungee cords in the back to lift the disks that are crushing each other.
So...this leaves so many questions. BB does not want to get surgery during the baseball season. He is open to the idea of getting it done in the off season but he is very concerned about still getting The Impulsive Purchase renovated in September. I told him to decide what he wants to do with his back and then we will schedule everything around that- but he is still prioritizing The Impulsive Purchase.
I am very confused. I dont know what we should do.
Here are the facts:
If BB gets back surgery- he will be in the hospital for about a month lying flat on his back. The Back Specialist is in FL and that's the guy we would use. He's the Back Specialist for all the baseball teams up and down the east coast. BB's father has offered to come down to FL to be there for BB because his Dad works from home and can work from FL.
I would still be in GA working and use my vacation days to travel to see him. There might be a possibility I could go on some sort of Disability? to care for him? I don't know if that is an option. There is also a possibility I could work from FL because everything I do is through the computer and phone anyways. That would be complicated and I don't think my work would like that idea. More than likely I would have to stay in GA if I wanted to keep my job.
After a month- BB would go through 3-4 months of rehab. He can do that here in GA. He would need to travel flat on his back which would be a little complicated but we could manage. During the 3-4 months BB would not be working obviously. Not a big deal as long as his MLB team renews his coaching contract. His contracts are only a year long. As long as they renew his contract he will continue to get paid year round. If they do not renew it then his paychecks will run out in December and we would have to rely on pitching lesson money- which would be difficult to get since he only had 1 client last year. He was planning to build up his client base this off season- but that wouldn't work out with the surgery.
And now we come to The Impulsive Purchase. We were planning to start renovations in September. That means we would ask the tenants to leave and we would carry the mortgage ourself. BB still wants to do the renovations even if he has back surgery. I don't feel comfortable taking on the additional $1300 a month debt plus $40k renovation debt when he is getting surgery and we don't know how it will turn out. (I forgot to mention that the doctor told BB its a 50/50 chance that the surgery will help relieve his pain.)
We could put off the renovations till after BB is back from Surgery...in October. I just don't really want to take on all of this at once. I don't want to work 40 hrs a week, care for BB and monitor a renovation. And BB knows this- so he is saying that he wants to come home in September to start the renovation. He wants to oversee the project and then get the back surgery. But that's not really enough time for him to complete rehab before the next baseball season starts in February (Assuming his contract will be renewed).
I feel like this is a tricky situation. We are going to have to be delicate in the decisions we make so that we don't get into financial trouble.
I erased this entry because if you are quitting the immature beauty contest then you are defeating the purpose when you write a long ass blog about feeling ugly because you are naturally getting older.
Time to save some space for some real problems.
I might have mentioned this before- but BB was able to go back to the FL baseball school he worked at for the last few years and re-negotiated his payment for providing baseball lessons. He still splits the lesson money 50/50 with the school, but now charges $100 an hour rather than $50 (which personally I think is highway robbery- but people pay it!).
BB knew this would decrease the lesson load- but with his full time coaching job he no longer needs or has time for a big client base.
He just called me to tell me that while he was working today the baseball school set him up for 4 1/2hr lessons tonight!
I am very happy for him. He gets paid by the school 1x a month so he has to wait for the paycheck to come in, and then gets taxed on the lessons- but it's still pretty exciting that he is able to earn so much money.
Here in Savannah BB was charging $50 an hour and only got 1 client out of it. (I admit our advertising was lacking.) I knew for the Savannah economy $50 an hour is a premium price to pay- but in FL the baseball culture is much more competitive and extreme. With spring training, and nice weather year round, and pro athletes living nearby- baseball seems to be taken much more seriously by the parents and getting on JV, Varsity teams is very competitive. (And I'm not saying that's a good thing!)
But the 1 Savannah client BB taught this season was very reliable and his father emailed BB this week requesting tickets to a spring training game! The family is going to go down for a long weekend and wants to see a game against the Braves. BB gets tickets for free so he is happy to give them to the family. The child was in his first game of the season last week and did well enough for the father to email BB a happy report. We are hoping to get more Savannah students next off season through word of mouth from his current client.
Anyways- BB also told me he had to throw batting practice to a few very expensive players and the top "brass" (managers/scouts/coaches)were all behind home plate watching the players intently. He said he felt the old rush as if he was the one being evaluated. I asked him if he regrets retiring and he said "No way." His body is too achey to permorm anymore and like the Tobey Kieth song "I'm not as good as I once was- but I'm ALMOST as good ONCE as I ever was." That wouldnt cut it as a player so BB is happy to no longer worry about pains and injuries. He said he's happy to be on the coaching side now.
I'm relieved. It was a long time to get to this point. BB and I went through some rough spots- but he was able to live out his dream and now we can let that dream go to someone else.
BB is the now an MLB minor league pitching coach! Last night he got his dream job!
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts, this news totally made our year. I know he will be great at this job, and I know that his future is a bit more "set" from now on.
BB and I are both proud as peacocks. Last night he just kept repeating it over and over. He is amazed that someone had so much faith and respect for him to award him such a prestigious job. I am proud because his pitching coach in the minors had 12 years of big league playing experience. BB has none!
So onto bigger and better. Life in MLB as a player was like a rollercoaster with it's highs and lows. The "your only as good as your last performance" organizational attitude, the constant threat of being released, the constant being released/traded and relocating for a new team, the injuries, and the $1200 a month paychecks are all behind us now!!
Once he signs his contract (hopefully today), BB will have 1 years job security. He will have a solid entry level paycheck, and no one can take that away from him!
So onto a new adventure to see what life is like in the MLB from a coaches perspective. BB is about to get a whole new education I bet.
Keep BB in everyones thoughts- he is 1 of 3 finalists for an MLB pitching coach job! He will know what the organization decides on Friday.
Lots of things have started happening around the Gamecock house lately. Everything has been so quiet that all this financial activity is a little overwhelming!
As stated in my previous post, BB got a part time retail job to start helping with bills and long term savings. Nothing was developing on the pro baseball side, and his lessons were limping along.
Over the weekend BB was offered a job as a pitching coach for a summer ball team in Illinois. Its the same thing he is lined up to do in Texas- but the IL team is offering a good bit more money for the same job. 4 months of work for an extra $250 a month plus big bonuses if they make it to playoffs and beyond. The team manager is one of BB's former managers and BB really respects this guy. BB is excited for the offer.
Then the very next day BB's MLB contact tells BB of 3 opportunities for a certain MLB team! BB is qualified for any of the 3 positions but it is competitive and BB has less than desirable experience levels. So it is a stretch but BB has sent in his resume and cover letter to the team yesterday. Any of these 3 jobs would mean a year round salary and up to 7 months of work in another state. His salary would be enough to make visiting him 1x a month an option. It's funny: He was saying a few weeks ago that he did not want any of these jobs even if they were offered to him- and now that he has a shot of landing one he is so excited! All his previous arguments about why he would not want the job are no longer objections. I think his fear that of applying for jobs and not getting them/ not being condidered was holding him back. It was his MLB contact who told BB exactly what the team was looking for, and laid out directions about how to apply that gave BB the confidence to pursue the job.
AND! A local soccer guy who provides lessons and camps to kids wants to expand his business into a multi-sport facility. He wants BB to become one of his coaches offering baseball lessons. The guy said he will handle all the marketing and he does not mind BB traveling during the baseball seasons to be a coach- it will enhance the sporting facilities business that they have a professional coach on staff during part of the year. The facility likely will not get off the ground till next year- but BB should come back from the season to an established client base. This was the area where BB is very weak- and someone is offering to do the work for BB!
I am so proud that BB is starting to see some luck come his way. Maybe writing that post that BB was having no luck at all got the ball rolling.
BB got a job! Let me say, this BB getting a job thing has been such a source of tension between us.
BB has been back from his summer job for almost 3 months and he has been a lost puppy. He retired from playing ball, and now it was time to find a full time job.
BB has zero office skills, no degree, and very little ability to market himself to the type of job he wants.
BB's initial plan was to get a scouting or coaching job when he retired from ball. In a worst case scenario if he could not get one of those jobs- he would provide baseball lessons to float him until next summer comes and he can go back to TX for another summer and do the same thing he did this year.
Well, turns out BB's contacts that he was sure would find him a scouting or coaching job have less ability to get him a job than he thought. BB spent over 2 months waiting for 1 job to open up that he felt he had a very good shot at landing. That spot still has not opened up.
BB wants to provide lessons here- but this is a new town for him and he does not have the established client base he had in Florida. BB thought he would easily get students through word of mouth but it has not worked so far. I have suggested several marketing options for BB but he is open to them till it is time to actually do the work (going to schools, talking to coaches, flyers on cars) and then suddenly he does not think the idea will work. It would be a waste of time. I could do the work myself- but really I am just too tired from working all day to do his share of work as well- and too fight him/drag him along as I travel from location to location doing the work he should be doing while I am at work.
BB applied to a few part time jobs to make up for the lack of lessons but it didnt quite work out. He thought one place was going to hire him so he refused to go on any other interviews- then they didnt hire him- then he had a trial day at a GREAT part time job but got sick with the flu and never went in...
I feel like at every turn- BB was a big fat disapointment to me. This was his turn to show me that all the years of baseball playing were going to pay off. This was his turn to bring in something so I was not paying all the bills anymore. This was his time to do something to pull his weight. But over and over he had an excuse for not trying, he had a plan...but all I saw was a hell of alot of video gaming every day.
During this time I had 2 severe breakdowns regarding all this. I just wondered if this was a sign of our future. If years from now everything would be the same- if he was really just lazy.
We fought alot. I felt he was being very very picky about what jobs he wanted to apply too. There was a baseball college coaching job available 4 hrs away paying about what I get paid and BB refused to even apply for the job. He said it was too far away (This coming from someone who moves across the country every summer). I think in reality he was really just afraid to apply to the job. He didnt think he would get it. Trying to get a local college coaching job has opened his eyes to how competitive and difficult it can be. I just wanted him to get his foot in the door somewhere. If he gets a coaching job far away...we'll make it work for a year and then reevaluate the options. BB refuses to consider this. He has narrowed down his options to the 2 local colleges as places he is willing to coach at. And neither of them even have any openings! So theres been some fighting. We both feel defeated.
But the good news came this morning that BB was hired to work part time at a local sporting goods retail shop. BB will work 20 hrs a week, he can continue to take his college courses online, continue to work with his 1 baseball student- and I guess he is going back to TX next summer to coach there.
So its not great news- it's not a career and it's not a long term job- but its a step in the right direction and it's going to help relieve the burden of me paying the bills/supporting him every month from my salary.
Doing the numbers he will earn enough from his baseball student and work to pay 1/2 the bills, put $150 a month into savings/save $200 month towards getting our windows fixed/and have $600 a month to spend on gas, food, whatever.
I am secretly hoping that this retail job might teach BB that he does not want to work for minimum wage very long- and maybe it will motivate him to start applying to those coaching jobs in other states- rather than waiting for a local spot to open up- or for his 1 MLB contact to find him a job.
Over the weekend BB's grandparent's came to visit us for a nice vacation.
Yesterday, BB's grandfather pulled BB aside and gave BB a $50 bill and a newsletter. He told BB to invest in a government gas rebate program and that he would get $300 every month if he signed up. (Or something like that- this is second hand information as I was busy in another room and never saw any of it.) BB just shows me the newsletter and money this morning and tells me his grandfather gave us a great tax break tip.
I took the newsletter to work to read it, and because I was too lazy to even open the 16 pg document I went straight to the CPA in our office asking if he has heard of a tax rebate on gas. The CPA has not heard of it and asked to see the newsletter.
Immediately there are alarming headlines in it... "The Best Kept Secret in this $1.6 Trillion Dollar Industry"..."Collect Fat Monthly Checks Thanks to the Government"..."How You Can Start Receiving Your Extra 3 Checks Every Month." ...with graphs and so so many propaganda paragraphs from "quotes" from current members who talk about retiring early and doubling portfolio's to talk of "$126,850% Gains...on This Global Retail Giant."
I look The Oxford Club up online and there are alot of personal opinions on forums that it is a scam, and there are a lot of personal talk on forums that it is a legitimate investors club. (I know that scammers will pose as legitimate members to improve their credibility.) It is NOT listed in "rip off report" as a scam.
I think it is a Ponzi scheme of some sort. I think I will send in my $50 for a membership and receive a booklet of what "Gas" companies to invest in and I will invest into a Ponzi scheme.
Here's the kicker: I told BB all this and he goes: "So what it if it is a scheme? We send in $50 and invest some money and get a check for $300? We just made huge returns! Why not do it?"
I responded: "Because they only give you those returns upfront- then they disapear and you never get any more checks."
BB said: "So what? We still made a ton of money even if we only get one check. What is the harm?"
I said: "Because then they give you a huge return so you will take all that return and also more of your own money to get more shares. It's not a big deal sending them $50, but then after we get a check we will want to send them $500. And we may never hear from them again."
BB then tells me "Ohhh...I see. Ok, well how about we just do it this one time for the big upfront return and then never again?"
How do I argue with that logic? It almost makes sense!
Anyways, BB can do it if he wants to use his grandfathers $50 that way. Although I think the $50 is only a membership fee and then we need to actually invest in the stocks they suggest.
My concerns are: I assume that BB's grandfather has been doing this for 2 months. The newsletter is dated September 15, 2009. I am scared about how much the grandfather has invested in this club. He told both BB and BB's father to invest in it and is a big believer in it. The grandfather is a big stock market believer and has always put his earnings into the market with careful consideration and precision. Over the course of his life, while working as a telephone operator for his whole life, BB's grandfather has managed to earn somewhere (family guestimates) in the million dollar or more range from the stock market. The whole family trusts the grandfathers judgement when it comes to stocks. I am concerned that this club could end up taking advantage of the whole family when it stops returning dividends.
I am concerned because there are a few financial advisors "quoted" in this newsletter about advising clients to use this club. I have a financial advisor...I am frightened that financial advisors could fall into this trap without their clients even knowing what is going on. I know it happened with Madoff...I worry it would happen to my financial advisor. Is there a way I can upfront tell my advisor that I do not want my money invested in a "too good to be true" fashion? Even if he becomes a believer in whatever program he gets swept up in? Or am I just at the mercy of his judgement?
I am grateful that the Bernie Madoff thing was such a huge newsbreaking story. I had previously never heard of a ponzi scheme and otherwise probably would have invested in this club and then REALLY invested in this club when I saw the returns.
So...anybody using The Oxford Club? If I get a positive response from a long term member of this forum- I give that responce a lot more credibility than any of the online searches and "quotes" from this newsletter. Should I even do it BB's way and invest an initial amount for a big upfront payoff then stop using the service? How can BB or his father break it to the grandfather that this is most likely a scam without crushing the grandfather's ego?
I think BB is going to be ok. Together we are getting him some leads.
I have been posting weekly on craigslist an ad for his baseball lessons and after 3 weeks- BB finally got a phone call. The first lesson was tonight and it was a success. The player is pretty good and is very responsive to BB's teaching style. The father watched the entire lesson and was impressed. The father arranged for another lesson next week. The player is going to be in a game on Saturday, and once the other players notice his improvements- the parents will start asking about BB. It always works that way- being patient and waiting for it to happen is what frusterates me.
But the snowball is beginning.
Last night I structured an email for BB to send the head coach of a local university asking to be considered for a pitching coach position. This is a division 1 school and they do not have/ never have had a pitching coach on their staff. BB is asking them to basically create the position. I feel good about the email- but BB said it can be tricky when you are dealing with coaches egos and especially because BB has much more experience than this head coach. I guess sometimes coaches dont like really experienced people under them because they worry about people second guessing them and trying to take over the program. Which BB would make a concious effort not to do- but the coach doesnt know that.
Plus money is tight- and the athletic program may not have money in their budget for another coach- but in all reality- a pitching coach on staff would do alot to improve their program. -so maybe BB has a shot. I dont know. We will see.
And we are still waiting to hear about the MLB job.
But things are starting to turn around. I am really proud of BB right now. At least the lessons will keep him afloat for a while.
Grrr...BB made me mad yesterday. I am not so mad now because I know he did not intentionally mean what he said- he was trying to be helpful. I think. Or maybe he was being selfish. I prefer to think helpful.
SO- the story goes like this:
I have been squirreling money away for the past few weeks to save up for a flower bed border to be put in and maybe also have our front steps redone. I have not gotten any formal quotes but will call for prices when I have $500.00 stashed away.
This is obviously a purely want based purchase, so I have been saving money from my spending money- not taking any money from the automatic savings accounts I already have set up.At the moment I only have $80 so I still have a way to go.
ANYWAYS- I mentioned to BB that I was saving up to have this done during one of our phone calls. BB says "you know that job might be around $4-500 don't you?" I tell him I know this but I want to do it anyways. The call continues nonchalantly and that's the end of it.
A few days later I am talking to BB on the phone and he says, "I was thinking. You know how you are saving up money to have the front lawn border put in?" "Yes" I say. "Well, why don't you put that money towards the windows getting insulated and we can get that done when I get back into town?"
To provide backstory: Our 100 yr old windows work fine but are old and also sealed shut. We were quoted a price of $1500.00 to get all our windows re ballasted, unsealed and insulated a little better. We planned to have our windows done this past spring but the roof came up and we put the window money into the new roof instead. When BB went off to baseball this season he said that during the season he will save up the money to have the windows fixed. That was going to be his contribution to the house.(When he decided he would save up money during the season for the windows I knew he would be short $4-500 and rather than go through the math to punch holes in his theory I just mentally decided to shell out the remaining couple hundred because I knew the windows are a big deal to him right now. I think it has to do with the whole taking apart and putting back in aspect of the work- he gets really excited when he explains the process to other people. However I did not TELL him I would cover whatever funds he was short on- I just started putting away some money every paycheck so it would be there when he returned from the season.)
So when he asked me to use my flower border savings to contribute to the windows...that told me has not saved anything CLOSE to what it will cost to have the windows done. I am not surprised by this at all- for my birthday he purchased plane tickets for me to visit him and that was $350.00. So I knew that ate up a large part of his savings and he would be returning from the season with only a few hundred dollars to live on while he looks for a job.
The issue I have is many:
1. This goes back to the promising me financial things and not following through with it. Several times he has promised me money he will have in the future only to end up forgetting he promised it to me, needing it, or spending it elsewhere. And when he does not give me the money he promised he never apologizes or aknowledge that he is completely contradicting something he promised a few weeks or months beforehand. Its like he is hoping I will not remember or if I bring it up he get's defensive and pulls a "Gamecock..I don't have money to EAT and you want money for our wedding/windows/ect.." (And of course I want him to eat! But it was poor financial planning that got him into a situation where he had to decide to eat or give me the promised money!) Honestly I don't expect him to give me money for anything but he needs to STOP VOLUNTEERING IT because it really makes me angry when he does not follow through.
2. I am fine if he cannot pay to have the windows fixed. It is a priority for both of us to get done but if I don't have the extra money in my paycheck for it then why should I expect him to have the extra money in his paycheck? I do have a problem that he wanted me to take the money I had been saving from my spending money and apply it towards one of his priorities. He has his own list of priorities for getting the house fixed up and I have mine. He wants the windows done and then he wants a new refrigerator. I want my garden border and then this winter we need 3 trees removed that are growing into structures and then
I want the master closet taken out (yes I said out. It was an add-on and juts into the room oddly and leaves our bad squished up against 2 walls.)I plan to squirrel money away all year for each of these projects to get done because they are not really NEEDS so logically they should come from spending money. Likewise I think our rusty refrigerator will last another year or two so if BB wants to replace it now then that is his job.
3. I am just tired of 100% of my paycheck expected to cover everything. I feel like because I pay the bills for this house then none of my money is sacred. If he can create a compelling enough argument of why we NEED to get this or that done then it becomes my fault that it is not getting done. On the phone yesterday after my surprise he asked me to reapply the money I got very hostile. He got defensive and started rattling off assumptions about how much air/heat we are losing every month out of the windows and ended it with "well don't complain to me when our heating bill is $300 this winter." Which is ridiculous because I pay 100% for the electric bill so if I want to lose money every month then it is my right to do that. (Of course I don't WANT to but that's not the point today.)AND it is BB who ALWAYS must be comfortable! I often joke around that for the rest of my life I will never be comfortable because I married BB. I will always be too cold or too hot because BB controls the thermostat. BB always freezes me out in the summer and prefers to run the heat in the winter over putting on a sweatshirt. So the pretense that he is concerned about the electric bill just infuriates me. I AM concerned over the electric bill and that was my hot button for him to push. The ace he had up his sleeve to manipulate me into giving him what he wanted.
So we didn't talk for a while and then I talked to him last night and everything was cool.He had totally dropped the subject but I am still angry about it.
In his head he was just suggesting something but in my head it was a symptom of a way bigger issue.
I am just angry in general about the situation. I feel like I pony up enough of my paycheck for house responsibilities and since BB is not contributing to our financial situation then why should he feel entitled to be telling me how to spend my paycheck?
I have decided to stop thinking about the whole job situation. The university sent me a personality quiz to fill out, they want me to interview with the dean of the program...this is all a little bigger and more important than I was expecting. I might not even get this job.
BB is in the midst of a trade. His TX team from last year traded him right before the season started and forced him to swallow a $400 a month pay cut (it was accept the trade or be released) and we were bitter. Very bitter. But now his original TX team just traded back for him, and he will be driving to the TX team tomorrow. He talked to the manager of the TX team and explained that he cannot play for such a low salary and the new manager said "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." That's enough for BB to trust that he will be restored to his original contract amount, but I don't trust it. The new/original team does not need to provide the original contract amount, they are only required to match his current contract. BB wont see his new contract until he is in TX and then he will sign it. So they will have him in a tough spot to try and negotiate.
BUT, I refuse to worry. I'm just not going to. It's BB's last season- he's not there to make money, he's there to play. Back home, we are getting the bills paid.
I just feel like BB gets used and taken advantage. That's what upsets me about the contracts and salaries. He's worth more but always accepts low salaries because he is a bad negotiator and deep down he is afraid that he wont get to play if he does not take whats on the table.
The other night BB was throwing himself a pity party and tried to use the old line on me "This is my last year playing because YOU Gamecock are making me retire." I told him that if that's how he wants to view it then fine. But the reality is that he is in a financial mess because he is almost 30 and has no retirement, no savings, and only $100 in his account at any given time. It's not that he spends- it's that he makes enough from his season to live and save maybe $1000 for the off season. That $1000 goes quick. If he wants to retire someday, if he wants a house to live in, if he wants to eat food- it's time for him to accept responsibility for achieving it. I guess I am ranting. But I feel like, though he doesn't COST much- it's still several hundred dollars a month to pay for his half of the bills and provide him $ for gas and what not. He shouldn't expect people around him to just pay for his bills because they love him and he's a nice guy. And it's not that I support him often, just since we moved in Feb because there was not enough time for him to find work before the season started- usually he works during the off season making just enough $ to cover his half of the bills. But I guess it's the whole leaving me the burden of an emergency fund, and savings, and retirement that I am tired of. I'm just at a stopping point. Mentally I am just-done.
If he wants to believe I am making him quit and get a job- then he can say that. But in reality- life is making him quit. As we get older, life costs more. And every year that he puts off contributing to retirement or savings is a year he needs to catch up on when he does begin. And I am tired of trying to save enough for the both of us.
Wow- I guess that was quite a rant. Really- I emotionally swing back and forth regarding this whole baseball thing. I know he does too. I guess today I am in the mood to be tired of baseball.
Anyways, that's whats going on here.
I grew up on the Cosby show. I have fond memories of watching the show as a family with my mom and dad. We all laughed. There was something for everyone.
I watch the show now occasionally if I have time and there is nothing else on. Lately there has been nothing else on.
Well, come to find out BB doesnt like the Cosby Show! We are together 9 years and I discover this now! How can you not like the show?? He thinks the show is stupid and is still burned out on Bill Cosby from all those jello commercials from like- 15 years ago.
I just made BB turn off football and watch 1 episode with me (it was a good one) to give it a try. He laughed. I think it was less painful than he thought it would be. Not a fan, but I'm working on him!
BB just asked me if I spent any money today. I responded that I bought stamps for $9.00. BB didn't spend any money and thought it would be a NSD. He was actually disappointed that we didn't qualify for a NSD. I'm so proud of him! And we were not even talking about money! We were watching TV. He thought of it all on his own!
I sent my financial adviser an email detailing the possible duplex purchase and asking for suggestions/advice...and BB got irritated with me.
BB wanted to go forward with making an offer on the place and I told him I am waiting for a response from the financial adviser. BB got irritated and said;
"I only trust 2 people with my money- you and my father."
That was a surprise. I don't even trust myself with money. I didnt think BB respected my interest in money- I thought he thought I am very elementary in my money management skills because I am always researching/questioning/ or deferring to other people. I think in the school of money management...I am at about an 8th grade education level. I know the basics...I know a little about more than basics...but don't trust myself to make any decisions on my own. Since I can never make a quick decision or snap judgment about money related stuff - I thought I appeared to be a bumbling idiot to those around me.
I guess I look like I know what I am doing. How odd.
Disclosure statement: BB blames my financial adviser for our stock losses from this past year. I did go to our adviser twice with panicked "Maybe I should pull out now!" calls...and both times my adviser calmed me down and kept me in the market. I don't blame the adviser- everyone lost money-it was not his intention to lose me the money- but BB really has no respect for the man.
BB's Xbox 360 has been freezing up and eventually froze up so much BB gave up and bought a new one. Is the old one worth anything to anyone?
So 10 yrs ago the boy gets offered 100k to play pro ball out of high school. What does he do? He decides to go to college. Money earned: 6k is given to him to play out of college.
He plays baseball for a few years making about 5k a year. The boy gets offered 32k to coach college ball. What does he do?- he turns it down to keep playing ball.
The next year he is offered 40k to coach college ball. Nope. Still wants to play ball for 5k a year.
Then he gets offered to play ball in Columbia (the country)for 4k a month- "to dangerous" he says.
Then he gets to go to Italy to play for about 4k a month. No longer dangerous..but does he go? No! He wants to play in the states for 1k a month.
Now he is offered a chance to play in Peurto Rico for 6k a month and does he accept? No! It's not dangerous and it's close to home! So what now? His knee hurts and he does not think he will play well. So he turns it down.
Then TODAY he got offered a scouting job for an MLB team for 30k a year and guess what?! NO! He wants to keep playing ball for the promised 8k a year his playing salary gets bumped up to next year.
Jeezealou. It was not until I just got off the phone with him about this latest job offer that it ran through my mind,"He keeps turning down money!" Is he afraid of it? Does he equate money with lack of freedom, with growing up, with responsibility...what could it be? Why is he doing this?
grrr...Baseball boy is taking his stimulus check away from me.
I am fine if he wants to keep it for himself- just donít promise to give it to me!
For months now he has told me it is mine for wedding planning every time it gets brought up. I was planning to put it toward credit card debt so I would have money to spend on the wedding!
Then it arrives yesterday in the mail and suddenly he says, "well, we can use it to pay the FL lawn service for this month, and I will keep the rest for savings."
Me: "I thought you were giving that to me for the wedding?"
Him: "I canít. The season ends in 3 weeks and I want to return home with $7-800 to use as a cushion in case I donít get a lot of work when we get back."
I am all for him having a cushion of cash. It is after all, his money. But this is a trend I have started noticing emerging this season. This promising me money that never materializes.
Hmmm...how often did this happen?
*Before the season started, he told me I donít need to work; he will pay for everything to let me just work on my credit card debt. What happened? The 1st week of the season we suddenly learn we need to pay for an apartment and Baseball boy does not have enough cash to cover the 1st months rent, not last months rent. I'll be darned if I am paying both. So I make him withdraw 1st months rent from his signing bonus money. I pay last months rent. My $800 credit card payment goes to pay the rent. Never to be seen again.
*We move to Minnesota and once again, he will pay all the bills. Well, he must have forgotten the FL bills because when I add up the $300 in FL bills due, suddenly itís- "I canít cover all that." $150 credit card payment not going to the credit card.
*Our cell phone contract is up and we need new phones. Baseball boy wants the tricked out phone. I want that phone too but would rather get a free one. "I will buy it for you for your birthday" he says. So we each get the phone. $415.00 (plus $150 in rebates). Suddenly he is concerned about the price and it's lockdown on all future spending. If I had known I was going to have to either pay up for future wants, I would have just taken the free phone! $100 of credit card payments gone.
And now this- stimulus check gone
I should have known. I am actually really annoyed at myself for all this trouble. In the past, Baseball boy has done this- promising financial things that never materialize. Just not to me!
You know when we were first engaged, and we started talking about the wedding, we were planning a resort island destination wedding- well he gets on the phone with his good friends from high school and starts spouting off: "We will pay for your flights. This is going to be awesome." I had to be like, "SHUTUP!" We had been DISCUSSING paying for everyoneís flights if we could get a group airline discount, and if we had the money- it would be a nice thing to do. But to actually tell people and get them all excited about it??
And when we were first talking about buying a house, we initially planned to get a large plot of land and have a guest house on it. We wanted Baseball boys best friend to live in the guest house because he has been through a lot and we want him around us- well Baseball boy gets on the phone with the friend, "...and we are going to have a guest house. You can live there for free. All you have to do is mow the yard." WHAT???!! We are both against making money off this friend, but I am not about to be struggling financially to pay for this friend!
I just get annoyed when Baseball boy THINKS he knows what something will cost, and then just assumes it DOES cost that amount, and starts actively planning for it to cost that amount.
I need to just get over the Stimulus check. I am over it. I am just not over his money logic. $7-800 is NOT GOING TO COVER HIM when we get back. It is going to be $400 in gas to get back to FL, plus $100 for 1 night in a hotel, plus we have FL bills waiting for us. He doesnt think this through. He makes money promises, or committments that he does not PLAN for!
Baseball boy has been living paycheck to paycheck for awhile now and since I no longer do, I am getting real tired of him doing it. It really costs us money living that way.
I have been told by a few people that I should write a book on the "real" minor leagues. Not the groupie, cheating, drinking drama, but the "real" stuff that the players go through. Like the draft, the promotions, tensions between the wives, steroids. Ext.
Although I have toyed with it, I never went through with it because 1. I donít think I have the discipline to write nearly 200 pages about anything. And 2. Baseball is such a political field where itís actually a bunch of sensitive pansies that run it. Baseball executives are very high and mighty and are willing to blackball anyone that insults them. Even if you are really just producing a mirror to show them what they have been doing all along. I would never risk getting baseball boy into any kind of trouble. On field actions such as stats and percentages are rarely the reason for promotions or releases. And itís this kind of information that I explain to all incoming wives but have been told I should explain on a broader scale. Even baseball boy told me I have way too much knowledge about the industry, it's a shame I canít find some outlet to capitalize on it.
So last night I was talking to yet another incoming baseball wife about some aspect of the minor leagues and it was brought up again. She said I am basically echoing her thoughts, at the same time I am providing huge chunks of information that was missing for her.
I began to think that maybe I should write a book. Or not a book. But maybe a blog. And get paid for it. I have never blogged before this savings advice one, but you guys seem to like me, so maybe others will like me too? Maybe thatís what I can do to bring in money while I live on the road?
Last night I did a pretty exhaustive search to see what was out there. Aside from one or two well written- ok. Just one-blog, the rest are all pretty catty and immature. It seems that the internet is inundated with websites designed to make scathing remarks towards "groupies", and the "groupies" have likewise posted some pretty serious websites designed to tell the world how "fat and ugly" the wives are. LOL. I think people will appreciate my sticking to real topics.
However, my concern is for Baseball boy. I would be reporting on some not-so-pretty topics regarding the baseball system, as well as lighter topics. I am not very computer savvy. So is there a way to keep really savvy computer people from uncovering my identity? And how would I go about getting paid for it? I just start it up, find my own readers (that should be easy, I think members of these silly baseball websites would be relieved to see someone talking about real issues) and then look for advertisers once I have a solid list of followers?
Confession- Just to see if I could do it, I kind of already started it on a Google website called blogger. I like it! So should I keep doing it? Should I be careful of anything? Should I get a whole new email address to keep the site under or does that not matter?
The boys are on the road right now. 10 day road trip. Just left this morning. So that leaves me here in a new city, no friends, no job, not much going on, all alone. I AM SO EXCITED!!
I have such a long '2Do' list; go to the gym, go to the park, go hiking in the state forest, find a lake with a beach, find more parks, scrapbooking, Pilates, wedding research, catch up on reality TV, get an updated budget...ahhh...I love it.
The boys leaving on long road trips have been a chief complaint I have heard over the years among baseball girlfriends and wives. Not me. No complaints here. Rather than looking at these long stretches of alone time as days spent lonely and bored, I look forward to the chance to hang out with ďmeĒ.
When you live with someone, you become "us". It's a hybrid of the both of you. As much as I love dear Baseball boy, like any relationship, there is a good deal of compromise we must do to accommodate one another. It's a subtle, unconscious accommodation that you hardly realize is happening at the time. The compromises create less fighting and resentment, and it becomes routine. And years later you wonder if that small part of you is lost forever, or you have "changed" to be in this relationship, losing your true self.
Thatís all pretty heavy sounding stuff and when you hear my examples you might think I am a bit over-dramatic. But it all adds up! Like what you watch on television. My boy wants to watch ESPN baseball- of course he does-do I? No! Give me reality TV. So we compromise. We watch Law and Order. It's just a show we both enjoy. I love enjoying the great outdoors, but due to 3 knee surgeries Baseball boy gets pain going for long walks, and also tells me "I get paid 8 hrs a day to be outside, I donít want to be outside anymore". So we compromise, sometimes I will get a 10 minute trip out of him.
But when he is gone, and Itís just me...I get to be selfish me. I get to re-discover myself and find out what the authentic me likes to do. I am not living off his time schedule. We donít share a car when he goes away, so I can take my time at the gym, I can watch re-runs I have seen a million times before, I can delay going outside until its the perfect temperature before dusk, and I can get lost in the city and not have someone telling me I should have been paying attention. (ďI was paying attention my dear- to the beautiful building we just passed, the Mississippi river that I have never seen before, and the gorgeous church on the corner- streets signs? Who can pay attention to those little things when there is so much else to look at!Ē)
Baseball wives tend to take on a mourning type of attitude when their men leave, and I wonder if they are not approaching this whole road trip business from the wrong perspective. I have tried to share my viewpoint before but get a ďI love my man so much I cannot function without him and maybe you donít love Baseball boy enoughĒ attitude. But thatís a whole other topicÖthe psychological justifications a woman will put herself through to ďproveĒ to the world and herself the ďrealĒ reasoning she is dating her Baseball man.
AnyhooÖI know this is a finance blog, but I just wanted to celebrate my upcoming alone time and tell you all I hope this weeks blogs are extra long because I have plenty of time to do commenting now that no one is in the apartment asking me when I will get off the computer already!
Well, I wanted to give you all an update and answer some of your questions regarding my post yesterday describing baseball boy's financial weaknesses.
First, baseball boy is exactly what you guys assumed him to be, he is a sweetheart. He loves me, and takes care of me in so many ways, he gives me everything in his power to give me. He has seen me being really bitchy, he has seen me really selfish, and he has seen me really say rotten things to him and he forgives, he moves on, and he gets me thai food to cheer me up.
Second, to clarify life in the minor leagues..I think I was a bit general yesterday and I know someone will bring up an example of a minor leaguer making 15k a month. Triple A guys and guys who have previously made an appearence in the majors get paid serious cash. Obviously, baseball boy has not made it that far or we would not be having this problem.
Third, it is HIGHLY unlikely at this point baseball boy will make it any closer to triple A or the majors. Last year it was a definate possibility, and when it seemed like it was going to be a waiting game to see this pay off, I have no problem waiting. But this year is completely different, he was demoted, he's a year older, and his performance has been off. His dream is to PLAY professional baseball, not make it to the majors, so he is living his dream now. Last year was exciting, and this year was a letdown, but there will be no breakdown by him realizing he may never advance farther.
Fourth, yes merch. I do have house faver. I cant help it. My early twenties was spent with everyone telling me the best, smartest thing to do is to buy a house. Best return on my money, "buy now so your house will double in a few years!" Now everyone is telling me that NOW is the smartest time to buy a house because its a buyers market. "Buy now because you will never be able to find such good deals!" LOL. The market went upside down but the advice stayed the same! I have been furiously saving for 3 yrs now with my eye on one goal, and I'm in a position to do it finally!
Now, onto the update~
Baseball boy and I talked last night. We made some progress. I am not fully satisfied, but he finally said "I figured you were going to bring this up again, and I know you will just keep asking me questions until you run out of energy, so start."
He has some fears about the whole house buying thing and his lifestyle. Oddly enough, I had already considered and taken all this into account but I guess he thought it would be a problem.
So here were his fears:
If we buy then that means I stay behind each season, while he travels to whatever team will have him. The past 2 years I have traveled with him. So next year I would stay behind and work full time to pay the mortgage and bills. Once he is done playing ball and becomes a minor league coach (his plan B), he will still travel each season because that job only gives 1 yr contracts and has very little security. So we expect him to be coaching a different team every year, or every few years making it impossible to buy where he works. I have realized this, and the traveling and living with him yr round are qualities I am ready to sacrifice for roots and stability.
Baseball boy is worried that when we buy a house he will be unable to immediately find off season work. We live in a FL suburb town right now because 6 yrs ago he had spring training in this town and although he was released from that team the very next year, we just never saw the point in moving. His next team was in AZ and why move cross country to get moved again? I have grown to HATE this FL area but I started school earning a masters for the past 3 yrs so we were stuck.
While I was at school, Baseball boy was building a client base at the baseball school. It took him an entire off season to build his reputation and earn clients, and he worries that moving back to the south (where we both want to be) will leave him with no work for an entire off season.
He didnt come out and tell me this next problem, but I have figured it out. He actually has grown to really like FL. Every year I become more restless to get out of Florida, and he gets more comfortable here. In the past I told him that keeping me in FL when we are finally able to leave is grounds for me leaving him. I just graduated school in May, so I can leave, leave, leave! We both went to undergrad in the South (USC Gamecocks!)and we initially both wanted to settle down,raise kids in the south. So I can see Baseball boy adjusting to the southern lifestyle easily once he is back in the south.
And finally, he stunned me with his one last night- In the event he cannot find a baseball teaching job when we move, he wants to work part time at a desk type job to help with the bills, but is worried that he will be earning minimum wage (no office skills on this boys resume) and worries that I will get more frusterated with him (he needs to work part time to still be available to practice and work out). Awww...that was sweet of him.
But I had already planned on him contributing no income for the first off season while he built a client base, so I am just happy he offered to work at all!
Buying a house is not important to him, and after last night, I can understand why. Baseball boy has always planned to live a gypsie lifestyle. He would move from state to state playing or coaching, and never spend a year in one town. His priorities were to first find a girl who was willing to let him do this, and second, to earn enough money so she could travel with him and be happy. That has been his gameplan from the beginning, and in his mind, he had achieved it and was sucessful.
He layed this life out for me when we first started dating, and to me, it was a dream come true. Travel the country and live in every time zone? No brainer, I was on board! And we were young. He only knew that if he was offered the chance to play pro ball, he would do it. We were too young to think of a second career after that. It just naturally evolved into him wanting to coach professionally too.
But now, I am ready for other things. I am ready to have something to show for my life, I am ready for my own career, I am ready to have kids, to have options, not be told where to go, what to do and where to live.
And he gets that. He just feels he cannot really have a say in the decisions made because it will be 'my life' half the year, and if he wants to keep me he has to make sure I am happy. And forcing me to keep living this life, or forcing me to keep renting in FL will no longer keep me happy.
So we never got to how get him more financially independant from me or his dad (yes! I am an enabler! But I figured it's better I help him because we are a team!)and we have not talked the logistics of how we will really do this, but it's progress. Next I will work on getting Baseball boy to completely live within his means. And we are making progress on that front too, yesterday he stopped playing his video game because he was near completing it but doesnt want to trade it in for a new game because it will be expensive.
Well, so far people seem to be reading my blogs and so I hope things have been interesting so far. Today I am selecting a new topic to discuss and would appreciate your input.
My fiance is essentially a starving artist. He makes almost enough money to live on, but cant pay his car insurance, medical bills or cell phone. Sometimes he needs help with gas.
Actually, I think he could break even with his expenses if he took a mild interest in finances, put pen to paper and created a gameplan.
This is where I need help, I have fluctuated between being aggravated to trying to talk to him about it, to letting him sink in bills to covering the expenses. I cant frame this issue in a way to 'wake him up'. He ranges from feeling helpless to ignoring it so he does not have to feel helpless.
And before we go into the 'kick the bum to the curb' spiel, I have been with him for almost 10 years, he is a catch and I'm not letting him go. This is my one complaint I have ever had about him.
I dunno. The situation is that he plays professional baseball in the minor leagues. He's not a 'bonus baby' who signed a contract for half a million, and he's been playing for 6 yrs now.
The players get paid about 1-4k a month during the season (6 month season) and nothing in the off season. My baseball boy currently makes 1400 a month in the season and earns about 600 month in the off season giving baseball lessons.
I look around at other players to see how they are progressing in life and I'm realizing some things.
A majority of the minor leaguers live with their parents, the few who own a house are bonus babies who made cash to sign their contracts.
And as we get older, the players are so much younger. My baseball boy is the oldest on his team. Generally by this age 'life' and all the expenses related to 'life' cause players to quit the game and retire.
My baseball boy wants to continue until he's forced out of the game.
The baseball life does have its good points. He was offered a job 2 yrs ago as a college coach making almost 40k to start, but turned it down to keep playing. Every year he keeps playing is another year on his resume for a future in a baseball career. But every year he plays is another year of decent earned income lost.
I guess I look at it as, he's kind of been interning for 6 yrs now.
Now financially he is very good. He does not have a CC, he does not live very far above his means, he lives very simply. But somehow, it does not get his bills paid.
I am not so concerned with how long he wants to play, I am more concerned about having my life on hold to live this life with him.
I want to buy a house. I want to have the option to have kids. I want to have an emergency fund.
He just wants to play. And we have kind of worked out a tentative plan that I worry could go very, very wrong.
I have been saving for a house down payment on my own. I can cover the mortgage and all bills (barely) associated with the house. He pays/contributes nothing until he's done playing ball. He just needs to make sure his expenses are covered.
I dont want to do it like this, but I try to talk about finances, expences and he just has no interest, or he takes an attitude of "well, theres nothing I can do, I work as hard as I can for the money I have, but I just cant help you with buying a house or that type of stuff", and this leads to an "I dont have any say in this process because this is your purchase so I am not interested in anything about it."
What bugs me as well, ironically, is how generous he is with his money. He always buys me little things, or fills up my car with gas, or hands me $20 to get myself something to eat. I know he does it to give me what he can, but then it haunts us when he doesnt have $$ later in the month for basic bills.
And finally, to add to the complexity, his father is his biggest fan. And a total enabler. His father gave him a credit card years ago and my baseball boy will use it at the end of the month when the money is gone. My baseball boy justifies it by saying that he only charges things like gas and basic food now as opposed to a few years ago when he charged everything all the time. He doesnt get that he's too old to have a credit card at all in his fathers name. And I tried talking to his father who goes into how it's "his biggest dream to see baseball boy play, and well worth the money, and if baseball boy was told he had to play for free then Dad would gladly pay his entire salary if it meant baseball boy could keep playing."
I recently tried to explain that we are thinking of buying a house and his dad just blew it off as "you guys cant do that right now, keep doing what your doing and in a few years when this career is over then you guys can think about getting a house."
So, I guess my questions here are:
1. how can I get baseball boy to participate in finances? I think if he was interested, he could live within his means. But he just see's $$ as a "money comes in, pay the bills, buys some dinners, money is gone, wait until next paycheck comes."
2. Is it..I guess..OK for me to buy a house on my own for us? Is it understandable that I have rented and saved for years now and am ready to have something to show for my life, I am ready to have a choice in where I live, and have some control or stability over our situation?
3. How can I get baseball boys father to realize he's not helping baseball boy by paying these bills? I help baseall boy out too every few months but it barely bothers baseball boy to take my money and it really bothers me when I get behind paying my own bills because I am trying to keep baseball boy from using that pesky credit card.
I feel that his father dis-credited the home buying idea because he feels "well, if they buy a house then thats another thing I have to pay for." I dont want him to feel that way. I want him to be excited for this step in our lives.
So..I dunno. This can only last another few years, and there are many, many other baseball wives in my situation. We just dont talk about it. We walk around with our coach handbags and pretend to be rich. But secretly, we all live in a 1 bedroom hell hole, or with our parents. Thats the big baseball secret revealed.