I think BB is going to be ok. Together we are getting him some leads.

I have been posting weekly on craigslist an ad for his baseball lessons and after 3 weeks- BB finally got a phone call. The first lesson was tonight and it was a success. The player is pretty good and is very responsive to BB's teaching style. The father watched the entire lesson and was impressed. The father arranged for another lesson next week. The player is going to be in a game on Saturday, and once the other players notice his improvements- the parents will start asking about BB. It always works that way- being patient and waiting for it to happen is what frusterates me.

But the snowball is beginning.

Last night I structured an email for BB to send the head coach of a local university asking to be considered for a pitching coach position. This is a division 1 school and they do not have/ never have had a pitching coach on their staff. BB is asking them to basically create the position. I feel good about the email- but BB said it can be tricky when you are dealing with coaches egos and especially because BB has much more experience than this head coach. I guess sometimes coaches dont like really experienced people under them because they worry about people second guessing them and trying to take over the program. Which BB would make a concious effort not to do- but the coach doesnt know that.

Plus money is tight- and the athletic program may not have money in their budget for another coach- but in all reality- a pitching coach on staff would do alot to improve their program. -so maybe BB has a shot. I dont know. We will see.

And we are still waiting to hear about the MLB job.

But things are starting to turn around. I am really proud of BB right now. At least the lessons will keep him afloat for a while.

Grrr...BB made me mad yesterday. I am not so mad now because I know he did not intentionally mean what he said- he was trying to be helpful. I think. Or maybe he was being selfish. I prefer to think helpful.

SO- the story goes like this:

I have been squirreling money away for the past few weeks to save up for a flower bed border to be put in and maybe also have our front steps redone. I have not gotten any formal quotes but will call for prices when I have $500.00 stashed away.

This is obviously a purely want based purchase, so I have been saving money from my spending money- not taking any money from the automatic savings accounts I already have set up.At the moment I only have $80 so I still have a way to go.

ANYWAYS- I mentioned to BB that I was saving up to have this done during one of our phone calls. BB says "you know that job might be around $4-500 don't you?" I tell him I know this but I want to do it anyways. The call continues nonchalantly and that's the end of it.

A few days later I am talking to BB on the phone and he says, "I was thinking. You know how you are saving up money to have the front lawn border put in?" "Yes" I say. "Well, why don't you put that money towards the windows getting insulated and we can get that done when I get back into town?"

To provide backstory: Our 100 yr old windows work fine but are old and also sealed shut. We were quoted a price of $1500.00 to get all our windows re ballasted, unsealed and insulated a little better. We planned to have our windows done this past spring but the roof came up and we put the window money into the new roof instead. When BB went off to baseball this season he said that during the season he will save up the money to have the windows fixed. That was going to be his contribution to the house.(When he decided he would save up money during the season for the windows I knew he would be short $4-500 and rather than go through the math to punch holes in his theory I just mentally decided to shell out the remaining couple hundred because I knew the windows are a big deal to him right now. I think it has to do with the whole taking apart and putting back in aspect of the work- he gets really excited when he explains the process to other people. However I did not TELL him I would cover whatever funds he was short on- I just started putting away some money every paycheck so it would be there when he returned from the season.)

So when he asked me to use my flower border savings to contribute to the windows...that told me has not saved anything CLOSE to what it will cost to have the windows done. I am not surprised by this at all- for my birthday he purchased plane tickets for me to visit him and that was $350.00. So I knew that ate up a large part of his savings and he would be returning from the season with only a few hundred dollars to live on while he looks for a job.

The issue I have is many:
1. This goes back to the promising me financial things and not following through with it. Several times he has promised me money he will have in the future only to end up forgetting he promised it to me, needing it, or spending it elsewhere. And when he does not give me the money he promised he never apologizes or aknowledge that he is completely contradicting something he promised a few weeks or months beforehand. Its like he is hoping I will not remember or if I bring it up he get's defensive and pulls a "Gamecock..I don't have money to EAT and you want money for our wedding/windows/ect.." (And of course I want him to eat! But it was poor financial planning that got him into a situation where he had to decide to eat or give me the promised money!) Honestly I don't expect him to give me money for anything but he needs to STOP VOLUNTEERING IT because it really makes me angry when he does not follow through.

2. I am fine if he cannot pay to have the windows fixed. It is a priority for both of us to get done but if I don't have the extra money in my paycheck for it then why should I expect him to have the extra money in his paycheck? I do have a problem that he wanted me to take the money I had been saving from my spending money and apply it towards one of his priorities. He has his own list of priorities for getting the house fixed up and I have mine. He wants the windows done and then he wants a new refrigerator. I want my garden border and then this winter we need 3 trees removed that are growing into structures and then
I want the master closet taken out (yes I said out. It was an add-on and juts into the room oddly and leaves our bad squished up against 2 walls.)I plan to squirrel money away all year for each of these projects to get done because they are not really NEEDS so logically they should come from spending money. Likewise I think our rusty refrigerator will last another year or two so if BB wants to replace it now then that is his job.

3. I am just tired of 100% of my paycheck expected to cover everything. I feel like because I pay the bills for this house then none of my money is sacred. If he can create a compelling enough argument of why we NEED to get this or that done then it becomes my fault that it is not getting done. On the phone yesterday after my surprise he asked me to reapply the money I got very hostile. He got defensive and started rattling off assumptions about how much air/heat we are losing every month out of the windows and ended it with "well don't complain to me when our heating bill is $300 this winter." Which is ridiculous because I pay 100% for the electric bill so if I want to lose money every month then it is my right to do that. (Of course I don't WANT to but that's not the point today.)AND it is BB who ALWAYS must be comfortable! I often joke around that for the rest of my life I will never be comfortable because I married BB. I will always be too cold or too hot because BB controls the thermostat. BB always freezes me out in the summer and prefers to run the heat in the winter over putting on a sweatshirt. So the pretense that he is concerned about the electric bill just infuriates me. I AM concerned over the electric bill and that was my hot button for him to push. The ace he had up his sleeve to manipulate me into giving him what he wanted.

So we didn't talk for a while and then I talked to him last night and everything was cool.He had totally dropped the subject but I am still angry about it.
In his head he was just suggesting something but in my head it was a symptom of a way bigger issue.

I am just angry in general about the situation. I feel like I pony up enough of my paycheck for house responsibilities and since BB is not contributing to our financial situation then why should he feel entitled to be telling me how to spend my paycheck?

I have decided to stop thinking about the whole job situation. The university sent me a personality quiz to fill out, they want me to interview with the dean of the program...this is all a little bigger and more important than I was expecting. I might not even get this job.

BB is in the midst of a trade. His TX team from last year traded him right before the season started and forced him to swallow a $400 a month pay cut (it was accept the trade or be released) and we were bitter. Very bitter. But now his original TX team just traded back for him, and he will be driving to the TX team tomorrow. He talked to the manager of the TX team and explained that he cannot play for such a low salary and the new manager said "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." That's enough for BB to trust that he will be restored to his original contract amount, but I don't trust it. The new/original team does not need to provide the original contract amount, they are only required to match his current contract. BB wont see his new contract until he is in TX and then he will sign it. So they will have him in a tough spot to try and negotiate.

BUT, I refuse to worry. I'm just not going to. It's BB's last season- he's not there to make money, he's there to play. Back home, we are getting the bills paid.

I just feel like BB gets used and taken advantage. That's what upsets me about the contracts and salaries. He's worth more but always accepts low salaries because he is a bad negotiator and deep down he is afraid that he wont get to play if he does not take whats on the table.

The other night BB was throwing himself a pity party and tried to use the old line on me "This is my last year playing because YOU Gamecock are making me retire." I told him that if that's how he wants to view it then fine. But the reality is that he is in a financial mess because he is almost 30 and has no retirement, no savings, and only $100 in his account at any given time. It's not that he spends- it's that he makes enough from his season to live and save maybe $1000 for the off season. That $1000 goes quick. If he wants to retire someday, if he wants a house to live in, if he wants to eat food- it's time for him to accept responsibility for achieving it. I guess I am ranting. But I feel like, though he doesn't COST much- it's still several hundred dollars a month to pay for his half of the bills and provide him $ for gas and what not. He shouldn't expect people around him to just pay for his bills because they love him and he's a nice guy. And it's not that I support him often, just since we moved in Feb because there was not enough time for him to find work before the season started- usually he works during the off season making just enough $ to cover his half of the bills. But I guess it's the whole leaving me the burden of an emergency fund, and savings, and retirement that I am tired of. I'm just at a stopping point. Mentally I am just-done.

If he wants to believe I am making him quit and get a job- then he can say that. But in reality- life is making him quit. As we get older, life costs more. And every year that he puts off contributing to retirement or savings is a year he needs to catch up on when he does begin. And I am tired of trying to save enough for the both of us.

Wow- I guess that was quite a rant. Really- I emotionally swing back and forth regarding this whole baseball thing. I know he does too. I guess today I am in the mood to be tired of baseball.

Anyways, that's whats going on here.

I grew up on the Cosby show. I have fond memories of watching the show as a family with my mom and dad. We all laughed. There was something for everyone.

I watch the show now occasionally if I have time and there is nothing else on. Lately there has been nothing else on.

Well, come to find out BB doesnt like the Cosby Show! We are together 9 years and I discover this now! How can you not like the show?? He thinks the show is stupid and is still burned out on Bill Cosby from all those jello commercials from like- 15 years ago.

I just made BB turn off football and watch 1 episode with me (it was a good one) to give it a try. He laughed. I think it was less painful than he thought it would be. Not a fan, but I'm working on him!

BB just asked me if I spent any money today. I responded that I bought stamps for $9.00. BB didn't spend any money and thought it would be a NSD. He was actually disappointed that we didn't qualify for a NSD. I'm so proud of him! And we were not even talking about money! We were watching TV. He thought of it all on his own!

I sent my financial adviser an email detailing the possible duplex purchase and asking for suggestions/advice...and BB got irritated with me.

BB wanted to go forward with making an offer on the place and I told him I am waiting for a response from the financial adviser. BB got irritated and said;

"I only trust 2 people with my money- you and my father."

That was a surprise. I don't even trust myself with money. I didnt think BB respected my interest in money- I thought he thought I am very elementary in my money management skills because I am always researching/questioning/ or deferring to other people. I think in the school of money management...I am at about an 8th grade education level. I know the basics...I know a little about more than basics...but don't trust myself to make any decisions on my own. Since I can never make a quick decision or snap judgment about money related stuff - I thought I appeared to be a bumbling idiot to those around me.

I guess I look like I know what I am doing. How odd.

Disclosure statement: BB blames my financial adviser for our stock losses from this past year. I did go to our adviser twice with panicked "Maybe I should pull out now!" calls...and both times my adviser calmed me down and kept me in the market. I don't blame the adviser- everyone lost money-it was not his intention to lose me the money- but BB really has no respect for the man.

BB's Xbox 360 has been freezing up and eventually froze up so much BB gave up and bought a new one. Is the old one worth anything to anyone?

So 10 yrs ago the boy gets offered 100k to play pro ball out of high school. What does he do? He decides to go to college. Money earned: 6k is given to him to play out of college.

He plays baseball for a few years making about 5k a year. The boy gets offered 32k to coach college ball. What does he do?- he turns it down to keep playing ball.

The next year he is offered 40k to coach college ball. Nope. Still wants to play ball for 5k a year.

Then he gets offered to play ball in Columbia (the country)for 4k a month- "to dangerous" he says.

Then he gets to go to Italy to play for about 4k a month. No longer dangerous..but does he go? No! He wants to play in the states for 1k a month.

Now he is offered a chance to play in Peurto Rico for 6k a month and does he accept? No! It's not dangerous and it's close to home! So what now? His knee hurts and he does not think he will play well. So he turns it down.

Then TODAY he got offered a scouting job for an MLB team for 30k a year and guess what?! NO! He wants to keep playing ball for the promised 8k a year his playing salary gets bumped up to next year.

Jeezealou. It was not until I just got off the phone with him about this latest job offer that it ran through my mind,"He keeps turning down money!" Is he afraid of it? Does he equate money with lack of freedom, with growing up, with responsibility...what could it be? Why is he doing this?

grrr...Baseball boy is taking his stimulus check away from me.
I am fine if he wants to keep it for himself- just don’t promise to give it to me!

For months now he has told me it is mine for wedding planning every time it gets brought up. I was planning to put it toward credit card debt so I would have money to spend on the wedding!

Then it arrives yesterday in the mail and suddenly he says, "well, we can use it to pay the FL lawn service for this month, and I will keep the rest for savings."
Me: "I thought you were giving that to me for the wedding?"
Him: "I can’t. The season ends in 3 weeks and I want to return home with $7-800 to use as a cushion in case I don’t get a lot of work when we get back."
Me:"grrr..."

I am all for him having a cushion of cash. It is after all, his money. But this is a trend I have started noticing emerging this season. This promising me money that never materializes.

Hmmm...how often did this happen?

*Before the season started, he told me I don’t need to work; he will pay for everything to let me just work on my credit card debt. What happened? The 1st week of the season we suddenly learn we need to pay for an apartment and Baseball boy does not have enough cash to cover the 1st months rent, not last months rent. I'll be darned if I am paying both. So I make him withdraw 1st months rent from his signing bonus money. I pay last months rent. My $800 credit card payment goes to pay the rent. Never to be seen again.

*We move to Minnesota and once again, he will pay all the bills. Well, he must have forgotten the FL bills because when I add up the $300 in FL bills due, suddenly it’s- "I can’t cover all that." $150 credit card payment not going to the credit card.

*Our cell phone contract is up and we need new phones. Baseball boy wants the tricked out phone. I want that phone too but would rather get a free one. "I will buy it for you for your birthday" he says. So we each get the phone. $415.00 (plus $150 in rebates). Suddenly he is concerned about the price and it's lockdown on all future spending. If I had known I was going to have to either pay up for future wants, I would have just taken the free phone! $100 of credit card payments gone.

And now this- stimulus check gone

I should have known. I am actually really annoyed at myself for all this trouble. In the past, Baseball boy has done this- promising financial things that never materialize. Just not to me!

You know when we were first engaged, and we started talking about the wedding, we were planning a resort island destination wedding- well he gets on the phone with his good friends from high school and starts spouting off: "We will pay for your flights. This is going to be awesome." I had to be like, "SHUTUP!" We had been DISCUSSING paying for everyone’s flights if we could get a group airline discount, and if we had the money- it would be a nice thing to do. But to actually tell people and get them all excited about it??

And when we were first talking about buying a house, we initially planned to get a large plot of land and have a guest house on it. We wanted Baseball boys best friend to live in the guest house because he has been through a lot and we want him around us- well Baseball boy gets on the phone with the friend, "...and we are going to have a guest house. You can live there for free. All you have to do is mow the yard." WHAT???!! We are both against making money off this friend, but I am not about to be struggling financially to pay for this friend!

I just get annoyed when Baseball boy THINKS he knows what something will cost, and then just assumes it DOES cost that amount, and starts actively planning for it to cost that amount.

I need to just get over the Stimulus check. I am over it. I am just not over his money logic. $7-800 is NOT GOING TO COVER HIM when we get back. It is going to be $400 in gas to get back to FL, plus $100 for 1 night in a hotel, plus we have FL bills waiting for us. He doesnt think this through. He makes money promises, or committments that he does not PLAN for!

Baseball boy has been living paycheck to paycheck for awhile now and since I no longer do, I am getting real tired of him doing it. It really costs us money living that way.

grrrr...

I have been told by a few people that I should write a book on the "real" minor leagues. Not the groupie, cheating, drinking drama, but the "real" stuff that the players go through. Like the draft, the promotions, tensions between the wives, steroids. Ext.

Although I have toyed with it, I never went through with it because 1. I don’t think I have the discipline to write nearly 200 pages about anything. And 2. Baseball is such a political field where it’s actually a bunch of sensitive pansies that run it. Baseball executives are very high and mighty and are willing to blackball anyone that insults them. Even if you are really just producing a mirror to show them what they have been doing all along. I would never risk getting baseball boy into any kind of trouble. On field actions such as stats and percentages are rarely the reason for promotions or releases. And it’s this kind of information that I explain to all incoming wives but have been told I should explain on a broader scale. Even baseball boy told me I have way too much knowledge about the industry, it's a shame I can’t find some outlet to capitalize on it.

So last night I was talking to yet another incoming baseball wife about some aspect of the minor leagues and it was brought up again. She said I am basically echoing her thoughts, at the same time I am providing huge chunks of information that was missing for her.

I began to think that maybe I should write a book. Or not a book. But maybe a blog. And get paid for it. I have never blogged before this savings advice one, but you guys seem to like me, so maybe others will like me too? Maybe that’s what I can do to bring in money while I live on the road?

Last night I did a pretty exhaustive search to see what was out there. Aside from one or two well written- ok. Just one-blog, the rest are all pretty catty and immature. It seems that the internet is inundated with websites designed to make scathing remarks towards "groupies", and the "groupies" have likewise posted some pretty serious websites designed to tell the world how "fat and ugly" the wives are. LOL. I think people will appreciate my sticking to real topics.

However, my concern is for Baseball boy. I would be reporting on some not-so-pretty topics regarding the baseball system, as well as lighter topics. I am not very computer savvy. So is there a way to keep really savvy computer people from uncovering my identity? And how would I go about getting paid for it? I just start it up, find my own readers (that should be easy, I think members of these silly baseball websites would be relieved to see someone talking about real issues) and then look for advertisers once I have a solid list of followers?

Confession- Just to see if I could do it, I kind of already started it on a Google website called blogger. I like it! So should I keep doing it? Should I be careful of anything? Should I get a whole new email address to keep the site under or does that not matter?

The boys are on the road right now. 10 day road trip. Just left this morning. So that leaves me here in a new city, no friends, no job, not much going on, all alone. I AM SO EXCITED!!

I have such a long '2Do' list; go to the gym, go to the park, go hiking in the state forest, find a lake with a beach, find more parks, scrapbooking, Pilates, wedding research, catch up on reality TV, get an updated budget...ahhh...I love it.

The boys leaving on long road trips have been a chief complaint I have heard over the years among baseball girlfriends and wives. Not me. No complaints here. Rather than looking at these long stretches of alone time as days spent lonely and bored, I look forward to the chance to hang out with “me”.

When you live with someone, you become "us". It's a hybrid of the both of you. As much as I love dear Baseball boy, like any relationship, there is a good deal of compromise we must do to accommodate one another. It's a subtle, unconscious accommodation that you hardly realize is happening at the time. The compromises create less fighting and resentment, and it becomes routine. And years later you wonder if that small part of you is lost forever, or you have "changed" to be in this relationship, losing your true self.

That’s all pretty heavy sounding stuff and when you hear my examples you might think I am a bit over-dramatic. But it all adds up! Like what you watch on television. My boy wants to watch ESPN baseball- of course he does-do I? No! Give me reality TV. So we compromise. We watch Law and Order. It's just a show we both enjoy. I love enjoying the great outdoors, but due to 3 knee surgeries Baseball boy gets pain going for long walks, and also tells me "I get paid 8 hrs a day to be outside, I don’t want to be outside anymore". So we compromise, sometimes I will get a 10 minute trip out of him.

But when he is gone, and It’s just me...I get to be selfish me. I get to re-discover myself and find out what the authentic me likes to do. I am not living off his time schedule. We don’t share a car when he goes away, so I can take my time at the gym, I can watch re-runs I have seen a million times before, I can delay going outside until its the perfect temperature before dusk, and I can get lost in the city and not have someone telling me I should have been paying attention. (“I was paying attention my dear- to the beautiful building we just passed, the Mississippi river that I have never seen before, and the gorgeous church on the corner- streets signs? Who can pay attention to those little things when there is so much else to look at!”)

Baseball wives tend to take on a mourning type of attitude when their men leave, and I wonder if they are not approaching this whole road trip business from the wrong perspective. I have tried to share my viewpoint before but get a “I love my man so much I cannot function without him and maybe you don’t love Baseball boy enough” attitude. But that’s a whole other topic…the psychological justifications a woman will put herself through to “prove” to the world and herself the “real” reasoning she is dating her Baseball man.

Anyhoo…I know this is a finance blog, but I just wanted to celebrate my upcoming alone time and tell you all I hope this weeks blogs are extra long because I have plenty of time to do commenting now that no one is in the apartment asking me when I will get off the computer already!

Well, I wanted to give you all an update and answer some of your questions regarding my post yesterday describing baseball boy's financial weaknesses.

First, baseball boy is exactly what you guys assumed him to be, he is a sweetheart. He loves me, and takes care of me in so many ways, he gives me everything in his power to give me. He has seen me being really bitchy, he has seen me really selfish, and he has seen me really say rotten things to him and he forgives, he moves on, and he gets me thai food to cheer me up.

Second, to clarify life in the minor leagues..I think I was a bit general yesterday and I know someone will bring up an example of a minor leaguer making 15k a month. Triple A guys and guys who have previously made an appearence in the majors get paid serious cash. Obviously, baseball boy has not made it that far or we would not be having this problem.

Third, it is HIGHLY unlikely at this point baseball boy will make it any closer to triple A or the majors. Last year it was a definate possibility, and when it seemed like it was going to be a waiting game to see this pay off, I have no problem waiting. But this year is completely different, he was demoted, he's a year older, and his performance has been off. His dream is to PLAY professional baseball, not make it to the majors, so he is living his dream now. Last year was exciting, and this year was a letdown, but there will be no breakdown by him realizing he may never advance farther.

Fourth, yes merch. I do have house faver. I cant help it. My early twenties was spent with everyone telling me the best, smartest thing to do is to buy a house. Best return on my money, "buy now so your house will double in a few years!" Now everyone is telling me that NOW is the smartest time to buy a house because its a buyers market. "Buy now because you will never be able to find such good deals!" LOL. The market went upside down but the advice stayed the same! I have been furiously saving for 3 yrs now with my eye on one goal, and I'm in a position to do it finally!

Now, onto the update~
Baseball boy and I talked last night. We made some progress. I am not fully satisfied, but he finally said "I figured you were going to bring this up again, and I know you will just keep asking me questions until you run out of energy, so start."

He has some fears about the whole house buying thing and his lifestyle. Oddly enough, I had already considered and taken all this into account but I guess he thought it would be a problem.

So here were his fears:

If we buy then that means I stay behind each season, while he travels to whatever team will have him. The past 2 years I have traveled with him. So next year I would stay behind and work full time to pay the mortgage and bills. Once he is done playing ball and becomes a minor league coach (his plan B), he will still travel each season because that job only gives 1 yr contracts and has very little security. So we expect him to be coaching a different team every year, or every few years making it impossible to buy where he works. I have realized this, and the traveling and living with him yr round are qualities I am ready to sacrifice for roots and stability.

Baseball boy is worried that when we buy a house he will be unable to immediately find off season work. We live in a FL suburb town right now because 6 yrs ago he had spring training in this town and although he was released from that team the very next year, we just never saw the point in moving. His next team was in AZ and why move cross country to get moved again? I have grown to HATE this FL area but I started school earning a masters for the past 3 yrs so we were stuck.
While I was at school, Baseball boy was building a client base at the baseball school. It took him an entire off season to build his reputation and earn clients, and he worries that moving back to the south (where we both want to be) will leave him with no work for an entire off season.

He didnt come out and tell me this next problem, but I have figured it out. He actually has grown to really like FL. Every year I become more restless to get out of Florida, and he gets more comfortable here. In the past I told him that keeping me in FL when we are finally able to leave is grounds for me leaving him. I just graduated school in May, so I can leave, leave, leave! We both went to undergrad in the South (USC Gamecocks!)and we initially both wanted to settle down,raise kids in the south. So I can see Baseball boy adjusting to the southern lifestyle easily once he is back in the south.

And finally, he stunned me with his one last night- In the event he cannot find a baseball teaching job when we move, he wants to work part time at a desk type job to help with the bills, but is worried that he will be earning minimum wage (no office skills on this boys resume) and worries that I will get more frusterated with him (he needs to work part time to still be available to practice and work out). Awww...that was sweet of him.
But I had already planned on him contributing no income for the first off season while he built a client base, so I am just happy he offered to work at all!

Buying a house is not important to him, and after last night, I can understand why. Baseball boy has always planned to live a gypsie lifestyle. He would move from state to state playing or coaching, and never spend a year in one town. His priorities were to first find a girl who was willing to let him do this, and second, to earn enough money so she could travel with him and be happy. That has been his gameplan from the beginning, and in his mind, he had achieved it and was sucessful.

He layed this life out for me when we first started dating, and to me, it was a dream come true. Travel the country and live in every time zone? No brainer, I was on board! And we were young. He only knew that if he was offered the chance to play pro ball, he would do it. We were too young to think of a second career after that. It just naturally evolved into him wanting to coach professionally too.

But now, I am ready for other things. I am ready to have something to show for my life, I am ready for my own career, I am ready to have kids, to have options, not be told where to go, what to do and where to live.
And he gets that. He just feels he cannot really have a say in the decisions made because it will be 'my life' half the year, and if he wants to keep me he has to make sure I am happy. And forcing me to keep living this life, or forcing me to keep renting in FL will no longer keep me happy.

So we never got to how get him more financially independant from me or his dad (yes! I am an enabler! But I figured it's better I help him because we are a team!)and we have not talked the logistics of how we will really do this, but it's progress. Next I will work on getting Baseball boy to completely live within his means. And we are making progress on that front too, yesterday he stopped playing his video game because he was near completing it but doesnt want to trade it in for a new game because it will be expensive.

Well, so far people seem to be reading my blogs and so I hope things have been interesting so far. Today I am selecting a new topic to discuss and would appreciate your input.

My fiance is essentially a starving artist. He makes almost enough money to live on, but cant pay his car insurance, medical bills or cell phone. Sometimes he needs help with gas.

Actually, I think he could break even with his expenses if he took a mild interest in finances, put pen to paper and created a gameplan.

This is where I need help, I have fluctuated between being aggravated to trying to talk to him about it, to letting him sink in bills to covering the expenses. I cant frame this issue in a way to 'wake him up'. He ranges from feeling helpless to ignoring it so he does not have to feel helpless.

And before we go into the 'kick the bum to the curb' spiel, I have been with him for almost 10 years, he is a catch and I'm not letting him go. This is my one complaint I have ever had about him.

I dunno. The situation is that he plays professional baseball in the minor leagues. He's not a 'bonus baby' who signed a contract for half a million, and he's been playing for 6 yrs now.

The players get paid about 1-4k a month during the season (6 month season) and nothing in the off season. My baseball boy currently makes 1400 a month in the season and earns about 600 month in the off season giving baseball lessons.

I look around at other players to see how they are progressing in life and I'm realizing some things.
A majority of the minor leaguers live with their parents, the few who own a house are bonus babies who made cash to sign their contracts.
And as we get older, the players are so much younger. My baseball boy is the oldest on his team. Generally by this age 'life' and all the expenses related to 'life' cause players to quit the game and retire.

My baseball boy wants to continue until he's forced out of the game.

The baseball life does have its good points. He was offered a job 2 yrs ago as a college coach making almost 40k to start, but turned it down to keep playing. Every year he keeps playing is another year on his resume for a future in a baseball career. But every year he plays is another year of decent earned income lost.
I guess I look at it as, he's kind of been interning for 6 yrs now.

Now financially he is very good. He does not have a CC, he does not live very far above his means, he lives very simply. But somehow, it does not get his bills paid.

I am not so concerned with how long he wants to play, I am more concerned about having my life on hold to live this life with him.
I want to buy a house. I want to have the option to have kids. I want to have an emergency fund.

He just wants to play. And we have kind of worked out a tentative plan that I worry could go very, very wrong.

I have been saving for a house down payment on my own. I can cover the mortgage and all bills (barely) associated with the house. He pays/contributes nothing until he's done playing ball. He just needs to make sure his expenses are covered.

I dont want to do it like this, but I try to talk about finances, expences and he just has no interest, or he takes an attitude of "well, theres nothing I can do, I work as hard as I can for the money I have, but I just cant help you with buying a house or that type of stuff", and this leads to an "I dont have any say in this process because this is your purchase so I am not interested in anything about it."

What bugs me as well, ironically, is how generous he is with his money. He always buys me little things, or fills up my car with gas, or hands me $20 to get myself something to eat. I know he does it to give me what he can, but then it haunts us when he doesnt have $$ later in the month for basic bills.

And finally, to add to the complexity, his father is his biggest fan. And a total enabler. His father gave him a credit card years ago and my baseball boy will use it at the end of the month when the money is gone. My baseball boy justifies it by saying that he only charges things like gas and basic food now as opposed to a few years ago when he charged everything all the time. He doesnt get that he's too old to have a credit card at all in his fathers name. And I tried talking to his father who goes into how it's "his biggest dream to see baseball boy play, and well worth the money, and if baseball boy was told he had to play for free then Dad would gladly pay his entire salary if it meant baseball boy could keep playing."

I recently tried to explain that we are thinking of buying a house and his dad just blew it off as "you guys cant do that right now, keep doing what your doing and in a few years when this career is over then you guys can think about getting a house."

So, I guess my questions here are:

1. how can I get baseball boy to participate in finances? I think if he was interested, he could live within his means. But he just see's $$ as a "money comes in, pay the bills, buys some dinners, money is gone, wait until next paycheck comes."

2. Is it..I guess..OK for me to buy a house on my own for us? Is it understandable that I have rented and saved for years now and am ready to have something to show for my life, I am ready to have a choice in where I live, and have some control or stability over our situation?

3. How can I get baseball boys father to realize he's not helping baseball boy by paying these bills? I help baseall boy out too every few months but it barely bothers baseball boy to take my money and it really bothers me when I get behind paying my own bills because I am trying to keep baseball boy from using that pesky credit card.
I feel that his father dis-credited the home buying idea because he feels "well, if they buy a house then thats another thing I have to pay for." I dont want him to feel that way. I want him to be excited for this step in our lives.

So..I dunno. This can only last another few years, and there are many, many other baseball wives in my situation. We just dont talk about it. We walk around with our coach handbags and pretend to be rich. But secretly, we all live in a 1 bedroom hell hole, or with our parents. Thats the big baseball secret revealed.