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Changes Are Coming

December 21st, 2011 at 06:03 pm

I am posting as a way to organize my thoughts. Actually this is a vent. I need it. I wish I had great news to post, but my luck has not been going in a positive direction lately. Everything is still ok, just not making the progress we were making in the past.

A lot of changes are going on right now. So Iím trying to mentally stay ahead of each step.
The CA condo will be going up for sale in Feb. BB is going out there for 10 days in Jan to get it ready to go on the market.

BB will apply for disability in January. We are meeting a disability lawyer in late Jan to get information and involve him (lawyer) in the process. We were told to apply ourselves on the 1st even though BB will likely get rejected, so no time is wasted.

BB is going to have another back surgery. He went to the Dr a week ago to fill out disability paperwork and the Dr wants to remove the screws that are in the back to try and relieve some pain. This will be a week long recovery and then some rehab, so not a huge surgery, but also not a simple procedure. Especially since the Dr is in FL, so weíll be 6 hrs from home for the surgery and recovery.

BBís parents have been getting a divorce since August. BBís dad has decided to move to GA and restart his life.

BB and his dad have decided to start a real estate business together. This will allow BB to have an income without working if he gets the disability. BB will be an investor and his dad will be the other investor. Together, they are not too handy so they plan to sub out any work that needs to be done. I want to get behind this plan, but Iím just not really on board. They talk about this plan several times a day, but I donít know. Honestly, BB wonít be contributing very much to the company b/c he doesnít have any money to invest. I think his dad feels bad that BB is injured and is facing 30 yrs of not working and is trying to help BB by starting this company.

I think they will be ok- I am hoping they donít go overboard with the leveraging. Right now they want a few rental properties and once they have a steady income, they talk about flipping one house a year. But I just sigh when I think about it.

In the beginning of all this talk, BB was talking about buying properties for ridiculously low prices. $50k for a building and putting in $10k of remodeling to get it renter ready. The only buildings in that price range are falling down. I pointed that out but BB was confident he could find deals. He said he has been on the MLS and there are lots of good properties in that price range. So I let it go.

In the beginning, they were not going to start until the divorce is final so the business does not get dragged into splitting assets.

Guess what? BB has started looking at properties. Guess what? All of them are over $150k. Suddenly these are the good deals and less than $150k costs too much to fix up.

I guess I think this business could go somewhere (there certainly are great deals out there) if BB had some patience and if he was using his own money (which he does not have). He has good intentions. He thinks he can play this game and come out ahead. But every time he finds a property he likes it is ďthe deal of the yearĒ and he is fixated on it and making an offer and not letting it get away. He has no formula to see what price he needs to get it for, guesses at a rental potential, no checklist to see about fix ups. He uses his gut and wonít listen to anything negative about the place.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I find myself going extremely negative on the property trying to get him to come to the centerline and be neutral and objective. His energy and mind gets so pumped up and it causes me to stress and want to cry because he is being so (happy) emotional. I have to step back and retreat because his energy is too overwhelming for me. So I throw up my hands and say that I donít want my name on this plan. But then later I insist on researching and seeing the place because I donít want my husband getting involved in a bad deal and dragging down our future.

He allows himself to get fixated on properties without even going in them. Then when he goes in them and sees the reason why no one else has bought the place, he is so disappointed. I keep telling him ďthere must be something wrong with it, why else has it not been purchased?Ē But he thinks itís because he found it first, not because more experienced people than him have rejected it and itís waiting for a sucker buyer.

And if the property does not work out, (thankfully none of them have), he is crushed. He starts searching the internet again and talks about how disappointed he was about the previous property.
And then he finds a new property to be excited about in a day!

We are going to look at another property today. Itís huge and the outside is beautiful. But itís in a non desirable neighborhood. Itís actually one street away from my 1st house that we bought (that I still love). Now that we currently live in a better neighborhood than that area, I have perspective and can see how that neighborhood is such a big obstacle to overcome when deciding where to live. And I can see how long it takes for neighborhoods to improve. When we bought our first house, I was sure the neighborhood was on its way up and would be a highly desirable area in a few years. Well, itís been about 4 yrs and the neighborhood has gotten worse.

I think it is renter ready (based on the outside and MLS pics). But for the neighborhood, I think it is listed slightly high. Itís a foreclosure, and the previous owner kept selling it back n forth between himself and his company at hugely inflated prices and taking out higher and higher mortgages on it. I think the bank was left with around a $300k debt on it. Itís listed for $190k now.

Even if BB gets it for $30k less than its listed for, which is what he is thinking to offer, I think that will be a solid price for the property. Not a deal and certainly not a steal!

But BB has a lot of emotions running through him. I know thatís whatís spurring all of this. And I donít know how to calm him down.

He wants to be contributing. He is being helpful in his housework but he wants to be making a financial contribution towards the family. Iím doing everything I can to not have him feel this way, but itís not working. He wants an income. Now. Today.

He wants to have a title. A career. He wants to be able to tell people he has properties and have a whole smoke n mirrors thing going that even though itís his Dadís money, he can call it his company. He doesnít want to tell people he is unemployed or on disability.

He wants to be using his time effectively. I am at work all day every day, and he wants to be doing something. Real Estate is something we are both interested in, and he wants to have something to show for his days. He wants a project.

I understand all these things, even though he has not come out and said them. I just donít know how to slow him down. He has a project; itís called our 1st rental property. And he ignores it. Right now itís pretty self sufficient, but it could always use some attention. But attention costs money and he doesnít have any, so he wants to use house money to put his attention elsewhere.

So all I do is keep hoping something is wrong with the properties he is finding. I keep hoping heíll burn out a bit and see this as a job, not something to be sacrificing for and chomping at the bit to do. Then he can get some objectivity.

But heís not going to burn out. Because his dad is all excited too. Itís a new chapter, a new start and his dad is as anxious to get started as BB. So they are on the phone all day keeping each other pumped up.

And the crazy way he and his dad have plans to move the money to avoid violating disability and keep it separate from the divorceÖ.thatís another story that makes me sigh.

8 Responses to “Changes Are Coming ”

  1. MonkeyMama Says:

    Oy vey!

    I was kind of thinking, "Don't you already have a rental?" Can't he be rental manager of that, for a job title? Well I Was thinking that early on in your post. You did adress that!

    I could see my dh being the same way EXCEPT he is far too practical and cheap. Phew!!! But I Can totally relate as far as the man beating his chest and saying, "Man make money!!" My own dh is really depressed with his job situation, and still throws out that he needs to make six figures or something (like nothing less is worthwile?). I could only imagine how he would be if he were sidelined by disability. I can relate from a depressed/feeling worthless standpoint. & "not doing anything useful because it is not BIG enough" standpoint.

    ((HUGS))

  2. ceejay74 Says:

    Up until the last paragraph I was thinking, well, as long as none of your money's in it, it can't hurt you too much and will keep BB busy. But if he's getting involved in potentially fraudulent activity vis-a-vis his disability money, that's very worrisome. Not sure how to advise you though; he doesn't sound easy to reason with!

  3. gamecock43 Says:

    Thank guys! I do feel better having vented and reading that this is an understandable situation!

    Ceejay- it's not fraudulent activity. They are using a grandparent to buy it and they will pay her back after the divorce or something to that effect. Just adds more complications to a situation that could be simpler if they waited for life to get sorted out first!

  4. laura Says:


    I might be missing the obvious, but can't your husband do something other than baseball? Can't he go to college and get an education and do something productive for the next thirty years? I know plenty of people who aren't able to make a living out of their passion; they do it on the side, as a hobby, as a part-time gig. I would think that some option other than investing in rental properties should exist. Even if disability gets him through a period of time to become a wage-earner in the future, but to not plan on ever working again seems wrong.

    Are you planning on a family and is he willing to be a stay-at-home parent? Investing in real estate and property management can become very exhausting (having a husband who has been there, done that).

    I hope that things work out for you.

  5. Ima saver Says:

    I, too, would advise against going in the rental business, especially if bb is not handy. My husband, who can fix anything, found our three rentals, a nightmare. We sold them all at a loss.

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    Well, in that case, it doesn't sound as bad. I think others have some really great input, but if you can't get him to change his mind, it shouldn't affect you too badly since he's not breaking rules and not using your money. Just nod and smile and stay out of it for your own sanity! Smile

  7. Jerry Says:

    It's not always as easy as it sounds, and that is the thing that leads me to squint a little bit as his enthusiasm. If he is not handy and he is hurt, then that will make it a much harder thing to manage. We only have our one house rented out back in the States, and managing that can be a real stressor -- of course, we are away so there is a lot more distance and frustration with that, sometimes. Fortunately we have been blessed with great tenants and we have a reliable handyman/construction guy, so that is the ultimate insurance for sleeping at night. I hope it all works out OK!
    Jerry

  8. Jerry Says:

    It's not always as easy as it sounds, and that is the thing that leads me to squint a little bit as his enthusiasm. If he is not handy and he is hurt, then that will make it a much harder thing to manage. We only have our one house rented out back in the States, and managing that can be a rea

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