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just my ramblings

July 5th, 2009 at 01:55 am

Update first: I decided to take the University job. It was the maternity benefits that did it for me. I want the option to have a baby even though I don't want one right now. That, and the title of financial aid director looks better than office manager for future resume needs. So hopefully I LIKE this job that I start in 2 weeks!

Now for whats on my mind currently:
I am finally settling into life with BB being gone. This has been a difficult season being separated from him because now we have the house to take care of. Or while he is gone- I have the house to take care of.

It's been hard, the house is a bigger responsibility than I anticipated, and it's a constant burden- worrying about the house/having to do something regarding the house. I feel like I am getting so far behind in housework/ errands. It has made me very resentful of BB being gone, and I have felt overwhelmed trying to juggle everything. I feel I never have time to relax. I don't know how single parents do anything- I don't even have a kid and I am stretched!

But this weekend I have caught up. I was able to relax this afternoon. I finally feel happy to be alone, finally feel independent, free and empowered living alone. Up till now I felt like I was missing half of me.

I think it's partially the new-found freedom I have now that I feel comfortable to venture out of my house and go on long walks. I have been taking longer and longer walks everyday and it is just my new thing that I love to do.

Yesterday Casey Jones and I walked clear across town, then walked to a dog park, a people park and finally came home. Today we walked down to the river to see the crowds out for the 4th of July. We stopped in every park we passed and just watched the people walk by. It was wonderful.

I feel so relaxed right now. The yard was mowed. Grocery shopping is done, vacuuming done, and tonight I am going to sit down on my front porch and watch all the fireworks going off in the street.

It's been a GREAT 4th of July. I finally am at peace with my life.

5 Responses to “just my ramblings”

  1. whitestripe Says:
    1246761026

    Smile
    i liked reading your reflective post. i guess one important thing to remember, which i have to tell myself when i get stressed out, is that it's your house, and even if everything is behind, you can still relax, because no one is going to kick you out of your own house. it's hard to do. sometimes there is crap everywhere, a weeks worth of laundry, dirty dishes and full bins and i get a little overwhelmed too.

  2. lizajane Says:
    1246805835

    It's easy to get overwhelmed by it all, but glad you got caught up and can enjoy. I would keep up the walks if you can. Sometimes when I feel buried under it all, I put the walk at the top of my list, and come back refreshed and ready to tackle the world.

  3. frugaltexan75 Says:
    1246827353

    I have a hard enough time keeping up with my apartment, so I can imagine having a whole house to take care of by yourself could be quite overwhelming at times. I'm glad you've come to feel on top of it now.

    I hope you uni job goes well - the maternity benes definitely are a big plus.

  4. boomeyers Says:
    1246937989

    Maybe finally making your job choice helped clear your mind too! Glad you got so much done and WOW you sure are getting a lot of exercise! Good for you!

  5. milehighgal Says:
    1247257610

    I can relate on the housework, it's so much to take care of. It's also part of the reason we want to scale down during the next move. But good job on getting caught up.
    Congrats on the new job too, working for a school must have awesome benefits and your title sounds great Smile

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