Ahhh...thanks for the support! It is a weird topic and I already feel 'icky' about having told people about it.
But now that it's out, I'm gonna VENT about Rule #2. 'Do not tell anyone about it.' I did not know about this rule- and the basic upheaval of the death combined with the basic mind blowing thought of "oh my god...I am a millionaire"...caused me to feel the need to talk to my friends about this change in my life. And the unexpected (but logical) outcome for having broken rule #2.
I have always been a big saver- never wanted to spend money- always wanted to collect or save it. Baseball boy has loosened me up alot as he comes from a 'money comes and goes-enjoy it'- mentality. And actually how quickly I do adapt to the nicer things in life scare me. Once I discover something I really like- I can’t go back!
Anyways- well, my saving mentality was never a problem till I got an inheritance. I was always the girl who was "good with money." Then suddenly my friends are calling me a 'scrooge' for complaining of the cost of this or not wanting to pay for that. My best friend (who is broke broke broke but accepts that she is bad with money and really tries not to care that she is in debt) told me that I "am a bit of a scrooge" because I was worried the wedding is getting out of hand. (It did get out of hand- but no one was able to help me stop it- they just kept piling on the suggestions and expectations because I could afford it.)
And my other best friend said "oh-we all know you can afford it Gamecock, you just don’t want to pay for it" when I was telling her about how something was too expensive in my opinion.
Comments like that- from my good friends- just shut me up. I can no longer complain or talk about money, or the price of things- period. Difficult for me because money is like a hobby for me.
And I wonder (think) their expectations of me and what I do has changed. I am suddenly the girl that all my friends think can do all the fun things they want to do. "I'm going to Vegas in a few months-will you come with me?" "Let’s go to the Spa!" "Hey- when are you going to come visit me already?" -I admit in the first year- I did go to Vegas. I did go visit several friends. I even flew one friend to another friends place across the country so we could all meet up together. (In my defense- it was a central city between all our states) But I quickly saw how I could not keep that up. At all.
But my friends just see the initial amount- and it labeled me. If I keep up with all my friends wants-I will be broke broke broke. (I have more friends and the world has more fun things to do then I have money to make it all happen) I don’t want to be the tragic "Oh my god...how did she spend it all?" story- but no one is trying to keep me from being that story except myself. (And Baseball boy supports my resolution to save but does not comment if I spend.)
And now I fear I will ALWAYS be the million dollar girl-even when I am down to my last hundred dollars- it will be "Hey- why can’t you go with me to Mexico? What happened to all your money?" (Ummm...I spent it in Vegas with friend A, and California with friend B, and in New England with friend C.)...but since they are not financially minded- they don’t really think about compounding expenses. They don’t think that it's been three years- and maybe it's gone. Or half gone. Or that the stock market is falling falling falling...I am still a millionaire to everyone.
Everyone has great expectations for me. They think as I thought- that the money lasts or buys alot more than it does. Only they don’t get the reality check I got when I saw my balance statement after a few months of 'having fun.'
So in the last year or so I shut up about the cost of things. I stopped the extracurricular fun, and I have put the money out of sight and live off only a rental income I inherited. Baseball boy and I are trying to live normally off our own accomplishments. We live off our incomes, and I struggle to save for a home as everyone else does-I try to control my credit cards like everyone else-but life is still different for me. I have a security blanket (that I love!) that none of my other friends have. And so it has changed things. I wish I could have been more discreet in the beginning, this just changed my life, and not in the normal "I bought a mercedes' way. In a subtle way that is hard to pinpoint.
Rule #2
September 13th, 2008 at 12:08 am
September 13th, 2008 at 05:08 am 1221282530
September 13th, 2008 at 01:21 pm 1221312066
September 13th, 2008 at 01:55 pm 1221314144
Now, in their early 60's, they are getting close to retirement and it is a relief they have that inheritence money.
On the other hand, my Mim's brother took his half of the inheritence, spent it on a major house, new cars, antique furniture, etc etc etc, and is now having trouble with bills (like his mortgage) with nothing to rely in for retirement.
September 13th, 2008 at 03:14 pm 1221318862
My Mom had to tell everyone that her money was unavailable because it was tied up. Your friends don't know how much debt you had to pay off, or any retirement fund contributions.
What you have is a great retirement stash. You never know what is coming around the corner like Koppur said and that money coming in handy.
When friends tell you enjoy your money because tomorrow you might not be here, tell them you have to think about if you will be here.
September 13th, 2008 at 04:12 pm 1221322334
I made the mistake of telling a few people we had paid off our mortgage on our previous house. After we sold our house for a pretty substantial gain, with plans to buy a much less expensive house, one person in particular started to get sparkles in her eyes thinking I might give her a handout (which she did not need). It was very very tough, but I had to say "no" ... I made it very clear that that money was set aside for our retirement.
Everyone has to deal with money issues ... I just think it's hard for the people who have the more standard issues (such as CC debt) to see that there are issues when you have money just as there are when you don't.
Bless you. You are very young to have to be dealing with these things, but you seem to be doing as well as can be expected or better.
September 13th, 2008 at 04:28 pm 1221323281
It's kind of a shame, this rule #2. I have mixed feelings on it. For one, you should be able to say it out loud and not feel shame. But this rule is kind of the path of least resistance. Then again, it has got to really eat you up inside to not be able to feel 1000% honest. But I think this is where forums like this become really invaluable. IT's nice to vent and gripe and let it out and hear others in the same situation, etc., but keep that whole money taboo quiet in real life where either no one wants to talk about it or it causes problems when you do.
Anyway, lots of great comments on your last posts. I just wanted to say (though it echos many) that I can not believe you had to deal with all that so young. I really think you handled it well in the end (whether you think so or not) AND I also would not worry about the stock market. IF you can keep that money invested, and you consider power of compounding, that is just awesome. I think you are very wise to realize if you just sit tight with that you can probably retire very young. You might not even realize this now, but you are working towards something of that end - saving it for later and trying to live within a budget where it will last, etc.
Anyway, don't fret the market now. You will probably be amazed at your nest egg in a decade or 2.
I personally don't think I would have had a clue what to do with that kind of money at 25. I can't say I would have done so well with it.
September 14th, 2008 at 03:27 am 1221362853
Much easier if people can just accept each other for, not what is expected of them based on their own perceptions.
Well, I think you're in good company here. Lots of friendly folks here, some also have plenty of money. At least for me, I don't like judging people so... don't care if you've got money or not... unless you're treating me to ice cream.