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My boyfriends money habits are driving me crazy again

August 5th, 2008 at 02:28 pm

grrr...Baseball boy is taking his stimulus check away from me.
I am fine if he wants to keep it for himself- just donít promise to give it to me!

For months now he has told me it is mine for wedding planning every time it gets brought up. I was planning to put it toward credit card debt so I would have money to spend on the wedding!

Then it arrives yesterday in the mail and suddenly he says, "well, we can use it to pay the FL lawn service for this month, and I will keep the rest for savings."
Me: "I thought you were giving that to me for the wedding?"
Him: "I canít. The season ends in 3 weeks and I want to return home with $7-800 to use as a cushion in case I donít get a lot of work when we get back."
Me:"grrr..."

I am all for him having a cushion of cash. It is after all, his money. But this is a trend I have started noticing emerging this season. This promising me money that never materializes.

Hmmm...how often did this happen?

*Before the season started, he told me I donít need to work; he will pay for everything to let me just work on my credit card debt. What happened? The 1st week of the season we suddenly learn we need to pay for an apartment and Baseball boy does not have enough cash to cover the 1st months rent, not last months rent. I'll be darned if I am paying both. So I make him withdraw 1st months rent from his signing bonus money. I pay last months rent. My $800 credit card payment goes to pay the rent. Never to be seen again.

*We move to Minnesota and once again, he will pay all the bills. Well, he must have forgotten the FL bills because when I add up the $300 in FL bills due, suddenly itís- "I canít cover all that." $150 credit card payment not going to the credit card.

*Our cell phone contract is up and we need new phones. Baseball boy wants the tricked out phone. I want that phone too but would rather get a free one. "I will buy it for you for your birthday" he says. So we each get the phone. $415.00 (plus $150 in rebates). Suddenly he is concerned about the price and it's lockdown on all future spending. If I had known I was going to have to either pay up for future wants, I would have just taken the free phone! $100 of credit card payments gone.

And now this- stimulus check gone Frown

I should have known. I am actually really annoyed at myself for all this trouble. In the past, Baseball boy has done this- promising financial things that never materialize. Just not to me!

You know when we were first engaged, and we started talking about the wedding, we were planning a resort island destination wedding- well he gets on the phone with his good friends from high school and starts spouting off: "We will pay for your flights. This is going to be awesome." I had to be like, "SHUTUP!" We had been DISCUSSING paying for everyoneís flights if we could get a group airline discount, and if we had the money- it would be a nice thing to do. But to actually tell people and get them all excited about it??

And when we were first talking about buying a house, we initially planned to get a large plot of land and have a guest house on it. We wanted Baseball boys best friend to live in the guest house because he has been through a lot and we want him around us- well Baseball boy gets on the phone with the friend, "...and we are going to have a guest house. You can live there for free. All you have to do is mow the yard." WHAT???!! We are both against making money off this friend, but I am not about to be struggling financially to pay for this friend!

I just get annoyed when Baseball boy THINKS he knows what something will cost, and then just assumes it DOES cost that amount, and starts actively planning for it to cost that amount.

I need to just get over the Stimulus check. I am over it. I am just not over his money logic. $7-800 is NOT GOING TO COVER HIM when we get back. It is going to be $400 in gas to get back to FL, plus $100 for 1 night in a hotel, plus we have FL bills waiting for us. He doesnt think this through. He makes money promises, or committments that he does not PLAN for!

Baseball boy has been living paycheck to paycheck for awhile now and since I no longer do, I am getting real tired of him doing it. It really costs us money living that way.

grrrr...

9 Responses to “My boyfriends money habits are driving me crazy again”

  1. zetta Says:

    Has the wedding date been set? Are you prepared for these aggrivations to continue after you get married -- forever?

  2. ceejay74 Says:

    Would he consider turning everything over to you and you deciding where it goes? I do that with my household--my partners are wonderful people but do not think things through with money. They both like the arrangement because they know their money is being used wisely.

  3. Koppur Says:

    You may want to sit down and have a good long talk with him. If his money habits bother you now, they will only get worse when you get married.

  4. gruntina Says:

    I don't really know what to say but I sure feel the frustration you conveyed when reading this post. You changed regarding having a financial mindset while it seems your bf has not yet. As far as money goes, you and your bf are on a different wavelength.

    While your bf can change, you cannot change him. Maybe think of a money plan that will work with both of your differences before the wedding so you don't go in marriage feeling like you always have to be frustrated? Maybe this is a red flag for you to think about?

    Sounds like promises are not real and keep getting broken. To me that is same as not being honest and jumping to conclusion before thinking about the reality of things. Also has he contributed to any of the wedding plans beside talk?

    Another thought is to show him this post! Maybe he needs to blunly heare exacting what you are feeling and thinking as men are not good at guessing. After he hears this, tell him what is needed to resolve this.

  5. gruntina Says:

    Ooops.. meant to say "bluntly hear exactly" I have not had enough of my morning coffee over here!

  6. gamecock43 Says:

    Ok, I just talked to him. I forgot that the team will give us travel money to get back to FL. I am guessing they will give us about $300. So that will help. He still keeps the stimulus check but whatev.

    THANK GOD HE DOES NOT HAVE A CREDIT CARD!

    We are financially transitioning. 3 yrs ago we went from both of us living paycheck to paycheck, to me having money put aside, and now recently to me getting all intrested in finances- and now he is the last link to "see the light" and also take an intrest. It's coming. It's just frusterating in the mean time.

  7. Nika Says:

    I think this is going beyond money - a man who does not keep his promises or makes promises that commit both of you without you both agreeing on it will not be someone you can rely on.
    He does not sound mature enough to get married. Please don't assume that he will change after you marry him. Assume that he will be the same person he is now when you have an infant, you are exhausted and vulnerable and need him to take care of all other problems. If you ever have to say "but I love him!" it is not a good sign. "I love him" should never be preceded by a "but".
    I know, it is none of my business, and "I don't know him" but posting on blogs invites people to put in their 2c. So pardon my directness. I've just seen this too many times.

  8. nance Says:

    This seems to have gone on for a long time. What you see is what you get. If you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life, then say goodbye and move on.

  9. Alice K Says:

    DITTO NANCE

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