My dog is dying before my eyes.
She has been diagnosed with cancer for a few months now.
The vet assured us he removed all of it 2 months ago when it was first spotted, but said it will likely come back and to keep an eye out.
3 weeks later she was back at the vet to have 4 lumps removed and sent in for testing.
We just heard back from the testing that it is aggressive (long medical terms) and obviously there is nothing to be done.
I say obviously because in the 8 days it took to get the test results back hundreds of lumps have formed over her entire body and are growing phenomenally fast.
Her breathing is labored, she is very mopey, and just has no energy.
She has been on over the counter tagnet and benedryl and up until this morning the medicine was doing a world of difference in her energy and appetite.
Not today. She positions her body in such a way and just wont move a muscle except to move her eyes.
This is a terrible blow to Baseball boy and I because just yesterday we took her out to the park for an hour to walk around and be petted by children.
Her mind is still very good. She is aware of her surroundings, listens to the people outside our apartment, comes (laborously) when called, but she seems to be going in and out of pain, to relief, and back to pain again.
I am new to the area, so I called a Vet hospital that I passed by yesterday and made plans to bring her in Wed morning. There were no openings for tomorrow, and I am worried about keeping her going beyond her comfort level just because the vet is booked with appointments.
Baseball boy rescued her as a gift to me 6 yrs ago. She started out as 'my' dog, but she is really his.
Neither of us has owned a dog before, so she has taught us alot.
Of course whenever I think about it, I start crying. Although I have had well over a month to prepare for this.
I cant figure out why I cry. Is it because I will miss her company? What does 'miss' really mean anyways? It's one of those words that you say, but when you break it down, I'm not sure of what 'missing someone' entails.
Is it because I worry for her well being after she is put down? Obv I have no idea of what happens after death, and I wish I could just take her wherever she ends up, check it out, and make sure she will be happy there.
Or maybe I cry because of the impending pain and guilt I will feel once this is all over. I know that I am in the middle of a tough process and it's about to get worse.
If I could analytically understand my emotions, it would help me to be more objective and kind of get through the ordeal. But I just start crying and I am not sure why.
Financially this will be an end to a very expensive process. This has run into the thousands this year, but every dollar was well spent for my peace of mind. And this dog did not cost us much at any other time except this past year, so she's been playing 'catch up' with our wallets.
Wed's trip will come from the retirement savings I have though, my EF was wiped out between the last vet visit and the recent move here.
This is horrible, and the closest I have come to feeling my heart break.
This is a sad one
June 16th, 2008 at 06:59 pm
June 16th, 2008 at 07:05 pm 1213643133
June 16th, 2008 at 07:29 pm 1213644591
For me, the "miss" in missing my beloved cat Monkey, was the absence of his companionship while lounging in my apartment, his greeting me at the door when I came home . . missing the routines and habits and things that you don't even fully think about until they don't happen anymore.
June 16th, 2008 at 07:33 pm 1213644817
It is comforting to know she will have friends greeting her 'over the rainbow bridge'. I guess the cynic in me still does not quite believe in that bridge and I just worry about her in death.
I realize its egotistical of me to think I am the only one who can take care of her, and protect her. But she's a sweetheart, not a mean bone in her body, and so I worry for her.
June 16th, 2008 at 07:51 pm 1213645918
June 16th, 2008 at 08:23 pm 1213647795
June 16th, 2008 at 08:41 pm 1213648910
June 16th, 2008 at 09:26 pm 1213651573
June 16th, 2008 at 09:28 pm 1213651701
June 16th, 2008 at 09:51 pm 1213653116
June 16th, 2008 at 11:44 pm 1213659860
June 17th, 2008 at 12:44 am 1213663454
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
June 17th, 2008 at 02:22 am 1213669351
June 17th, 2008 at 03:21 am 1213672867
My thoughts are with you.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:21 am 1213676505
Remember that death can be a release from suffering. If your doggie is suffering and treating her is prolonging it, that's another thing. Let your dog tell you that, and have the courage to listen.
June 17th, 2008 at 08:35 pm 1213734941
That is my baby girl posted at the top, she has a ginormous tongue.
She was put down this afternoon, and it was traumatic for all of us. I am now just trying to keep my mind busy and just get through the day.
Thanks again
June 17th, 2008 at 11:49 pm 1213746551
June 18th, 2008 at 01:51 am 1213753898
June 19th, 2008 at 06:36 pm 1213900592
((hugs))